ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY

The age-old debate over which city reigns supreme was once again put to bed on Saturday night, as Auckland FC ruthlessly dismantled the Wellington Phoenix 6-1 at Go Media Stadium. 

As thousands of Aucklanders left the stadium in high spirits with their team still leading the A-League, Wellingtonians sat at home, battling their second power cut of the week, refreshing Metlink to see if trains were still running (they weren’t), and trying to convince themselves that their city is still “quirky” rather than completely dysfunctional.

Our reporters spoke to some Phoenix fans who were not only angry at their professional football team, but the state of their own city in general.

“Obviously it’s disappointing,” said one dejected Phoenix fan. “But at least Wellington has culture. Auckland just has… money and nice beaches and good restaurants and better job opportunities and more concerts and…” he trailed off before quietly admitting, “God, we are so screwed here!”

Auckland FC fans showed no mercy.

“They say Wellington is the coolest little capital in the world,” said Auckland FC supporter Chris O’Leary. “Yeah, well, it’s also the windiest little capital in the world. And the most dysfunctional little capital in the world. And the most ‘Oh no, the road is leaking again’ little capital in the world.”

“This match wasn’t just about football—it was a glimpse into the future. Auckland is growing, thriving. Wellington? Well, the most exciting development in that city is the council has started fixing the pipes,” chirped another fan, walking with swagger off into the distance with The Port supporters, happy his own city is thriving as well as his football team is.

More to come. 

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The post REPORT: Auckland Better Than Wellington Not Just In Football But In General appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

BACK DOWN TO EARTH

In what can only be described as a humbling afternoon at Go Media Stadium, Auckland FC’s unbeaten run of seven games came to an abrupt and spectacular end.

Western United FC strolled into Auckland and left with a 4-0 victory, much to the dismay of the previously untouchable Aucklanders —and to the barely-contained glee of diehard Wellington Phoenix fan Mick Wilks.

“Seven games unbeaten, top of the league, prancing around like they’re Real Madrid. Well, reality’s finally checked in, and it’s wearing a Western United jersey.”

While most Auckland FC fans were left stunned and searching for answers after conceding four goals in a performance best described as “generally forgettable,” Mick was quick to offer his unsolicited analysis. 

“The problem with Auckland FC,” he opined from his usual corner at Wellington’s Backbencher pub, “is they’ve never known adversity. It’s all been sunshine and rainbows for them. Well, the Phoenix are forged in adversity. That’s why we’re better. We may not win that many, but at least we know what it’s like to lose with dignity.”

The Yellow Fever fan forums were too busy celebrating the 4-0 loss, while Auckland FC’s fan base The Port, were uncontactable for comment.

More to come. 

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The post Envious Phoenix Fan Gets Sick Pleasure From Auckland’s First Loss appeared first on The Whakataki Times.