TOO MANY HOURS IN A DAY

Krystal McKinskey, a 25 year old from New Jersey, is taking practical steps to counter the looming “Tiktok ban” in the United States. 

The customer support pro admits she does not post much on Tiktok herself, but she does use the popular video sharing app to make hours of her day vanish, seemingly instantaneously. 

McKinsey says she is on the lookout for any new apps that could fill the void that TikTok is about to leave.

“I use Instagram reels and Youtube shorts a bit. They try to copy the TikTok scroll, but it’s just not the same. There’s something special about the Tiktok algorithm that really makes the day disappear instantly and permanently,” she outlined fondly. 

“Like, the world is just so boring you know, there’s literally nothing to do out there. I don’t know what people used to do all day?”

US President Joe Biden made the decision that the Chinese app would be banned in the US from this Sunday (American time) unless ByteDance was able to sell the American operations to an American buyer. Incoming President Donald Trump has said he will review this decision when he comes back into office next week. 

Ms. McKinsey meanwhile is open to any and all suggestions for how she can continue to delete precious time from her life without TikTok. 

“I tried X this week, but things just seem a bit angry on there. Hmm, maybe another streaming platform? I’ve already got three I pay for, but the problem with them is it’s not so easy to swipe away a TV show if it’s not doing it for you. 

“I dunno, maybe I should try painting or something. I’ve heard people say they lose track of time when they get into it. Maybe that could be me!” she mused, not realising she may have just stumbled upon a worthy pursuit. 

The interview then ended abruptly as McKinsey wandered off with her head in her phone, apparently extracting the final few moments of TikTok content she could. 

More to come. 

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The post USA TIKTOK BAN: American Woman On Lookout For New Way To Delete Hours Of Her Life Each Day appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

COME ON, MAN!

In a shock announcement yesterday, the International Political Institute of Palmerston North (IPIPN), issued a reminder to the world that Joe Biden, the United States President who has not been seen for several weeks, is in fact still the President. 

Not only that, Joel Jacobsen, a spokesman for IPIPN, said that Biden will remain the President until the 20th of January, when whoever wins the election is inaugurated. 

“Not a lot of people realise that Joe is in fact still in charge, competently steering the American ship as the world descends into chaos,” he told reporters. 

“Yes, although the Democratic Party judged that Biden was not mentally fit enough to serve another four years in office, they did somehow believe that he was doing a fine job right now, and will be fine right up until January.”

Biden did make a cameo appearance at the Democratic National Convention, where he definitely nailed all the lines delivered to him on his teleprompter, but has been otherwise invisible since the announcement of Kamala Harris as the Democrats presidential nominee. 

Ms. Harris has apparently been bringing a lot of “joy and excitement” to Democrats, making various promises of what she would do if she was elected to office, forgetting of course that she is already in office. 

Jacobsen from the IPIPN emphasised that war is currently happening in Eastern Europe, the Middle East and possibly Taiwan shortly, and it would be nice to see the US President doing something. 

“Just quite weird isn’t it? War is happening everywhere, but the President of the United States is nowhere to be seen,” he laughed. 

More to come. 

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The post REMINDER: The United States President Until January Is Actually Still Joe Biden appeared first on The Whakataki Times.