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chloe swarbrick with winston in front of smashed window

Swarbrick Relieved It Wasn’t One Of Her MPs Doxxing Winston Or Smashing His Windows

October 8, 2025

CLOSE CALL.

Recent headlines

man watching cricket on couch.

“I’m My Own Man Now”: Local Bloke Enjoys Free To Air Cricket Without Tapping Into Parents’ SkyGo Account

October 1, 2025

virtual luxon

Luxon’s PR Team Making AI Version Of Him That Seems More Human

September 29, 2025

man drinking and thinking about roigard and razor

Old Boy At The Pub Adds Cam Roigard To His Good Books But Not Razor

September 28, 2025

aussie fan with VHS tape looking for VCR

Wallabies Fan Searching For VCR Hoping To Watch Australia’s Last Bledisloe Win

September 25, 2025

News

man with camera and woman posing in cherry blossom garden behind

Hapless Boyfriend Of Instagram Gets Wheeled Out For Cherry Blossom Photoshoot

October 6, 2025

CHERRY PICKED CONTENT.

storm fan

NRL GRAND FINAL: New Zealander With Zero Ties To Melbourne Suddenly Becomes Lifelong Storm Fan

October 3, 2025

BANDWAGON.

Less recent news

office workers outside building during fire drill

Wellington Office Workers Briefly Remember They’re Alive During Thrilling Fire Drill

September 24, 2025

SIGNS OF LIFE.

Wallabies celebrating despite All Blacks winning record

Wallabies Certain This Year Is Different, Despite 23 Years Of It Not Being Different

September 23, 2025

annoyed woman on train

Public Transport Advocate Wishes It Was a Little Less Public

September 22, 2025

king's college student thinking of rome.

King’s Boy Feeling The Cost Of Living Pinch After Only Getting Two Overseas Trips This Year

September 18, 2025

Snoop Dogg and Dei Hamo

Snoop Dogg Pulls Out But Promoter Says It’s Still Not Too Late To Sub In Dei Hamo

September 17, 2025

The Whakataki Times – the backbone of New Zealand’s news.

Quite old news

Luxon at Eden Park thinking about Taylor Swift

Cringe Levels Approaching Critical As Luxon Tries To Lure Taylor Swift To Eden Park

September 16, 2025

WILDEST DREAMS.

razor angrily thinking about loss.

All Blacks Coaching Staff On High Alert For Any Laughing Or Smiling At Training This Week

September 15, 2025

dejected all blacks

All Blacks Get Their Match Fees Docked For Not Turning Up For Second Half

September 14, 2025

old boy at pub talking about Scott Robertson

Old Boy At The Pub Tells Anyone Who’ll Listen Exactly What He Thinks Of Razor’s All Blacks

September 12, 2025

man at computer thinking about paw patrol

Local Dad’s Inner Thoughts Plagued By Paw Patrol Theme

September 11, 2025

girl in ball gown with bmw 2024

Local Dio Girl Forced To Arrive At School Ball in Last Year’s 2024 BMW

September 10, 2025

public service project manager in office.

Wellington Project Manager Performing Well Apart From Nobody Wanting To Work With Him

September 8, 2025

all blacks celebrating and question mark hanging over south african mate

Local Man Investigating Sudden Eerie Silence From South African Mate In Group Chat

September 7, 2025

scientist inspecting cat

Groundbreaking Research Finds Cats Still Massive Jerks

September 6, 2025

suzie the waitress in front of all blacks match

BIG GAME: All Blacks Hope Suzie The Waitress Isn’t Making A Comeback Ahead Of South Africa Clash

September 5, 2025

man chucking sistema container in kitchen

Local Man’s Sistema Container Gets Forcefully Chucked In Cupboard Like The Rest Of Them

September 4, 2025

Leigh Hart with Christopher Luxon and Taylor Swift

Leigh Hart Sick And Tired Of Getting Confused With Bloke Who Keeps Pesting Taylor Swift

September 3, 2025

BAD BLOOD.

Justin Marshall on waikato river thinking about playing days.

ALL BLACKS HALFBACK CRISIS: Justin Marshall Seen Whitebaiting Down The Waikato River

September 2, 2025

JUSTIN TIME.

Luxon with Taylor Swift Travis Kelce pic

Luxon Desperately Trying To Sell A New Zealand House To Taylor Swift And Travis Kelce

September 1, 2025

YOU BELONG WITH ME.

Sport

storm fan

NRL GRAND FINAL: New Zealander With Zero Ties To Melbourne Suddenly Becomes Lifelong Storm Fan

October 3, 2025

BANDWAGON.

man watching cricket on couch.

“I’m My Own Man Now”: Local Bloke Enjoys Free To Air Cricket Without Tapping Into Parents’ SkyGo Account

October 1, 2025

man drinking and thinking about roigard and razor

Old Boy At The Pub Adds Cam Roigard To His Good Books But Not Razor

September 28, 2025

aussie fan with VHS tape looking for VCR

Wallabies Fan Searching For VCR Hoping To Watch Australia’s Last Bledisloe Win

September 25, 2025

Wallabies celebrating despite All Blacks winning record

Wallabies Certain This Year Is Different, Despite 23 Years Of It Not Being Different

September 23, 2025

MATE YA DREAMING

razor angrily thinking about loss.

All Blacks Coaching Staff On High Alert For Any Laughing Or Smiling At Training This Week

September 15, 2025

dejected all blacks

All Blacks Get Their Match Fees Docked For Not Turning Up For Second Half

September 14, 2025

old boy at pub talking about Scott Robertson

Old Boy At The Pub Tells Anyone Who’ll Listen Exactly What He Thinks Of Razor’s All Blacks

September 12, 2025

all blacks celebrating and question mark hanging over south african mate

Local Man Investigating Sudden Eerie Silence From South African Mate In Group Chat

September 7, 2025

suzie the waitress in front of all blacks match

BIG GAME: All Blacks Hope Suzie The Waitress Isn’t Making A Comeback Ahead Of South Africa Clash

September 5, 2025

Justin Marshall on waikato river thinking about playing days.

ALL BLACKS HALFBACK CRISIS: Justin Marshall Seen Whitebaiting Down The Waikato River

September 2, 2025

Chris Wood playing football with headline about tvnz world cup rights.

TVNZ Snaps Up Sporting Rights In Last Ditch Effort To Get People To Watch Them

August 25, 2025

man remembering the old days of all blacks, with the current all blacks losing to argentina in the background.

All Blacks Fan Misses The Days When Only A Couple Of Teams Could Realistically Beat Them

August 24, 2025

Man protesting about Christian Cullen outside the beehive.

RIGHTING WRONGS: Bloke Protests Historical NZ Rugby Crime Of Dropping Christian Cullen

August 20, 2025

one eyed cantab in hospital with rich mo'unga playing

MO’UNGA RETURNS: One Eyed Cantab In Hospital After Falling Off Chair In Excitement

August 7, 2025

Culture

man with camera and woman posing in cherry blossom garden behind

Hapless Boyfriend Of Instagram Gets Wheeled Out For Cherry Blossom Photoshoot

October 6, 2025

CHERRY PICKED CONTENT.

office workers outside building during fire drill

Wellington Office Workers Briefly Remember They’re Alive During Thrilling Fire Drill

September 24, 2025

annoyed woman on train

Public Transport Advocate Wishes It Was a Little Less Public

September 22, 2025

king's college student thinking of rome.

King’s Boy Feeling The Cost Of Living Pinch After Only Getting Two Overseas Trips This Year

September 18, 2025

Snoop Dogg and Dei Hamo

Snoop Dogg Pulls Out But Promoter Says It’s Still Not Too Late To Sub In Dei Hamo

September 17, 2025

WE GON RIIIDE TONIGHT!

Luxon at Eden Park thinking about Taylor Swift

Cringe Levels Approaching Critical As Luxon Tries To Lure Taylor Swift To Eden Park

September 16, 2025

man at computer thinking about paw patrol

Local Dad’s Inner Thoughts Plagued By Paw Patrol Theme

September 11, 2025

girl in ball gown with bmw 2024

Local Dio Girl Forced To Arrive At School Ball in Last Year’s 2024 BMW

September 10, 2025

public service project manager in office.

Wellington Project Manager Performing Well Apart From Nobody Wanting To Work With Him

September 8, 2025

scientist inspecting cat

Groundbreaking Research Finds Cats Still Massive Jerks

September 6, 2025

man chucking sistema container in kitchen

Local Man’s Sistema Container Gets Forcefully Chucked In Cupboard Like The Rest Of Them

September 4, 2025

man in dirty kitchen

Flatmate Who Said They’d Do Dishes ‘After Dinner’ Now Entering Day 5 Of Standoff

August 28, 2025

man holding bluey toothpaste in the bathroom

Local Dad Admits To Secretly Using The Kids’ Bluey Toothpaste When No-One’s Looking

August 26, 2025

man looking in mirror with black hoodie.

WEEKEND FASHION: Man Plays It Straight Down The Middle With Black Jeans, Black Tee And Black Hoodie

August 24, 2025

man eating burger

Wellington Man Launches Personality Refresh Based Solely Around Eating Burgers

August 21, 2025

go on.. get some pies.

Politics

chloe swarbrick with winston in front of smashed window

Swarbrick Relieved It Wasn’t One Of Her MPs Doxxing Winston Or Smashing His Windows

October 8, 2025

CLOSE CALL.

Luxon and Hipkins dancing on stage humiliatingly.

Support Growing For Proposed Total Ban On Politicians Dancing In Public

August 17, 2025

hipkins running on wellington waterfront.

Hipkins Joins Trendy New Run Club After Running From Public Inquiry

August 14, 2025

chloe at her desk outside parliament

Chlöe Made To Drag Her Desk Outside And Stop Disrupting The Class

August 13, 2025

Nicola Willis In Charge Of Redesigning National Party Logo To Better Represent Priorities

August 13, 2025

angry Swarbrick with team and team kit

Swarbrick Kicked Out Of Parliament For The Week Now Has No Excuse For Not Washing Team Kit

August 12, 2025

SILVER LININGS.

Leigh Hart and Chris Luxon with Snackachangi chips.

National Looks To Quietly Swap Out Luxon With Snackachangi Chips Guy

July 28, 2025

seymour and nicola willis

NICOLA WILLIS DRESSGATE: Seymour Annoyed No One’s Asked About His New Suit From Hallensteins

May 27, 2025

man on the couch and brooke van velden on tv

“WAIT, WHAT?”: Local Bloke Snapped Out Of Couch-Based Doom Scroll By Brooky’s C-Bomb

May 14, 2025

Corin Dann, Chloe Swarbrick and Winston Peters at RNZ studio.

Corin Dann Books In Three Nice Chlöe Interviews To Make Up For That Mean Winston One

April 23, 2025

chloe thinking about her three troublesome MPs

Chlöe Confronts Reality That If Golriz And Darleen Had Obeyed The Law Then She Wouldn’t Be Stuck With Old Bussy Boy

April 4, 2025

chloe and doyle

Chloe Now Wishing Benjamin Doyle Was Just A Run Of The Mill Shoplifter

March 31, 2025

seymour in space

Seymour Wishing He Was Stuck In Space Station So He Wouldn’t Have To Deal With School Lunches

March 21, 2025

old boy at the pub thinking about school lunches

Old Boy At The Pub Sick And Tired Of All The Hoo-Ha About School Lunches

March 20, 2025

Luxon playing cricket

Prime Minister Becomes Instantly More Likeable And Relatable After Picking Up Cricket Bat

March 19, 2025

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