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one eyed cantab in hospital with rich mo'unga playing

MO’UNGA RETURNS: One Eyed Cantab In Hospital After Falling Off Chair In Excitement

August 7, 2025

RETURN OF THE KING.

Recent headlines

man eating sausage rolls at children's birthday

Hungover Waste Of Space Consumes 12 Mini Sausage Rolls At Nephew’s 3rd Birthday Party

August 3, 2025

man with beer tweeting on phone at pub

Craft Beer Guy Tweets The Flavours He’s Detecting After Being Ignored In Real Life

August 2, 2025

Man in lounge surrounded by tsunami.

Local Bloke Would Rather Be Hit By Tsunami Than Get Another Civil Defence Alert

July 31, 2025

woman on phone in bathroom

“I’m On My Way” Text Sent From Woman Still Towel-Drying In Bathroom

July 30, 2025

Leigh Hart and Chris Luxon with Snackachangi chips.

National Looks To Quietly Swap Out Luxon With Snackachangi Chips Guy

July 28, 2025

News

leight hart as chris luxon standing in front of leight hart's speed cooking.

Prime Minister Replaces NCEA Food Tech With High-Pressure Speed Cooking Exam

August 5, 2025

NEED FOR SPEED.

boy in school exam

Revolutionary New School Exams Will Give Students Scores Based On Their Performance

August 4, 2025

WILD CONCEPT.

Shortland Street pic with headline about funding

Essential TV Programme That Everyone Watches Thankfully Saved By Taxpayers

August 3, 2025

PHEW, THAT WAS CLOSE.

Less recent news

man at bbq wearing behemoth brewing tee shirt

Local Man Uses Craft Beer Tee Shirt As Foundation For Personality

July 25, 2025

SOLID STARTING POINT.

Young couple smiling outside sold sign of their new home.

Couple Finally Buys House Together So They Can Argue Somewhere New

July 24, 2025

kiwi in rome thinking about London

Kiwi Bloke Still Hanging Onto Decade Old UK/Europe OE Like He’s Due To Fly Back Any Day Now

July 23, 2025

Man reflecting as he thinks about warriors celebrating

Local Man’s Reaction To Warriors Winning Try Would Have Gone Viral If Someone Had Recorded It

July 21, 2025

couple at coldplay concert thinking about the kiss cam

Coldplay Now Offering Tickets To “Kiss Cam Free Zone” Exclusively For Cheaters And Adulterers

July 20, 2025

The Whakataki Times – the backbone of New Zealand’s news.

Quite old news

man with beer at churly's thinking about rugby clubrooms

$8 Beer Discovered In Wellington Not In Ageing Rugby Clubrooms

July 18, 2025

CRAFT BEER COUP

Woman excited with ruben love montage behind her

Female Viewership Of Third All Blacks Test Set To Explode With Inclusion Of Ruben Love

July 17, 2025

school girl getting luxury handbag out of lost property box.

Rangi Ruru Girls Student Breezily Stops By School Lost Property Box To Find Missing Louis Vuitton Bag

July 16, 2025

Will Jordan cloned

Will Jordan Wishes He Could Be Cloned To Play Fullback And Wing, Just To Keep Everyone Happy

July 15, 2025

Peter Jackson with Smaug the dragon and two moa

MORE THAN THE MOA: Peter Jackson Now Wants To Genetically Engineer Smaug The Dragon

July 13, 2025

Will Jordan scoring try and old fashioned projector with 1905 All Blacks

TMO Will Miss Tomorrow’s Test After Getting Stuck Reviewing All Blacks Try From 1905

July 11, 2025

Golriz at Atelier

Golriz Relieved To Exit Restaurant Without Being Asked To Empty Handbag

July 10, 2025

woman reading Jacinda book on train.

Wellingtonian’s Social Credit Score Through The Roof After Debuting New Book Purchase On Train

July 10, 2025

Sam Neill thinking about moa in paddock.

New Zealand Determined To Start Incredibly Average Version Of Jurassic Park

July 9, 2025

Man in Auckland.

Aucklander Fraudulently Claims He’s “Not Like Other Aucklanders”

July 8, 2025

Wayne Barnes and 2007 all blacks

TMO Now Taking Another Look At Forward Pass From World Cup Quarterfinal in 2007

July 7, 2025

Confused Beauden Barrett looks at losing score and will jordan scoring

All Blacks Shocked By Loss After TMO Rules Out All Remaining Tries Overnight

July 6, 2025

TRY AGAIN.

Suzy Cato with news snippets.

Media Reveal “Prominent New Zealander” Is Male, Finally Ruling Out Suzy Cato

July 3, 2025

NOT HER TIME.

woman with smoothie

Wellington Eco-Activist Enters Spiral Of Self-Doubt After Accidentally Using Plastic Straw

July 2, 2025

SAVIOUR TO SINNER

Sport

one eyed cantab in hospital with rich mo'unga playing

MO’UNGA RETURNS: One Eyed Cantab In Hospital After Falling Off Chair In Excitement

August 7, 2025

RETURN OF THE KING.

Man reflecting as he thinks about warriors celebrating

Local Man’s Reaction To Warriors Winning Try Would Have Gone Viral If Someone Had Recorded It

July 21, 2025

Woman excited with ruben love montage behind her

Female Viewership Of Third All Blacks Test Set To Explode With Inclusion Of Ruben Love

July 17, 2025

Will Jordan cloned

Will Jordan Wishes He Could Be Cloned To Play Fullback And Wing, Just To Keep Everyone Happy

July 15, 2025

Will Jordan scoring try and old fashioned projector with 1905 All Blacks

TMO Will Miss Tomorrow’s Test After Getting Stuck Reviewing All Blacks Try From 1905

July 11, 2025

Wayne Barnes and 2007 all blacks

TMO Now Taking Another Look At Forward Pass From World Cup Quarterfinal in 2007

July 7, 2025

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER.

Confused Beauden Barrett looks at losing score and will jordan scoring

All Blacks Shocked By Loss After TMO Rules Out All Remaining Tries Overnight

July 6, 2025

Beauden Barrett fronting media.

Beauden Barrett Warms Into Test Season By Practising Non-Committal Smile When Asked About Playing 10 Or 15

July 1, 2025

man thinking fondly of nehe milner skudder sidestepping.

“The Streets Don’t Forget Nehe Milner-Skudder,” Says Bloke Watching His Sidestepping Highlights

June 26, 2025

chiefs fan thinking about iran while crusaders celebrate

Chiefs Fan Cheers Up By Reminding Himself He’s Not In Iran

June 23, 2025

TAB guy scrapping odds for crusaders win

TAB Scraps Crusaders Win Option For Home Playoff Final, Cites “Pre-Determined Result”

June 20, 2025

man getting excited for origin

Kiwi Bloke Reckons He “Bleeds Maroon” Despite Never Setting Foot in Queensland

June 18, 2025

crusaders fans at game wearing black puffer jackets and beanies

Crusaders Fans Gutted About Extra Game Before Trophy Lift

June 15, 2025

hipster girl with pink hair thinking about super rugby semifinal

Smug Millennial Asks Office Jocks If They’re Looking Forward To The Big Sportsball Game Tonight

June 13, 2025

crusaders fan worrying about confident Rieko Ioane on instagram.

Crusaders Fan In Fear Of Blues Upset And Inevitable Rieko Instagram Post

June 11, 2025

Craig Chamberlain in front of winning crusaders

Crusaders Fans Annoyed They Have To Play Semi-Final Before Final

June 9, 2025

Culture

man eating sausage rolls at children's birthday

Hungover Waste Of Space Consumes 12 Mini Sausage Rolls At Nephew’s 3rd Birthday Party

August 3, 2025

MMM, HOW GOOD.

man with beer tweeting on phone at pub

Craft Beer Guy Tweets The Flavours He’s Detecting After Being Ignored In Real Life

August 2, 2025

woman on phone in bathroom

“I’m On My Way” Text Sent From Woman Still Towel-Drying In Bathroom

July 30, 2025

man at bbq wearing behemoth brewing tee shirt

Local Man Uses Craft Beer Tee Shirt As Foundation For Personality

July 25, 2025

Young couple smiling outside sold sign of their new home.

Couple Finally Buys House Together So They Can Argue Somewhere New

July 24, 2025

kiwi in rome thinking about London

Kiwi Bloke Still Hanging Onto Decade Old UK/Europe OE Like He’s Due To Fly Back Any Day Now

July 23, 2025

FLIGHT OF THE KIWI.

couple at coldplay concert thinking about the kiss cam

Coldplay Now Offering Tickets To “Kiss Cam Free Zone” Exclusively For Cheaters And Adulterers

July 20, 2025

man with beer at churly's thinking about rugby clubrooms

$8 Beer Discovered In Wellington Not In Ageing Rugby Clubrooms

July 18, 2025

school girl getting luxury handbag out of lost property box.

Rangi Ruru Girls Student Breezily Stops By School Lost Property Box To Find Missing Louis Vuitton Bag

July 16, 2025

Man in Auckland.

Aucklander Fraudulently Claims He’s “Not Like Other Aucklanders”

July 8, 2025

woman with smoothie

Wellington Eco-Activist Enters Spiral Of Self-Doubt After Accidentally Using Plastic Straw

July 2, 2025

man drinking beer with starry sky behind him

Local Man Colonises Matariki Into Yet Another Long Weekend Of Piss Drinking

June 22, 2025

Man thinking about high school rugby while talking to people at party.

Bloke Still Bringing Up High School Sporting Career At Every Party Like It’s Relevant

June 22, 2025

woman reading book thinking about two minute noodles

Uni Student Getting Straight A’s Despite Sub-Optimal Diet Of Mostly Two Minute Noodles

June 16, 2025

man thinking about his paintball welts

Bloke Insists Paintball Was ‘Just a Bit of Fun’ Despite Being Covered In Painful Welts

June 14, 2025

man wearing shorts and gumboots in the cold

South Island Bloke Still Pretending It’s Not Cold Wearing Gumboots And Stubbies

June 10, 2025

go on.. get some pies.

Politics

Leigh Hart and Chris Luxon with Snackachangi chips.

National Looks To Quietly Swap Out Luxon With Snackachangi Chips Guy

July 28, 2025

CRUNCH TIME.

seymour and nicola willis

NICOLA WILLIS DRESSGATE: Seymour Annoyed No One’s Asked About His New Suit From Hallensteins

May 27, 2025

man on the couch and brooke van velden on tv

“WAIT, WHAT?”: Local Bloke Snapped Out Of Couch-Based Doom Scroll By Brooky’s C-Bomb

May 14, 2025

Corin Dann, Chloe Swarbrick and Winston Peters at RNZ studio.

Corin Dann Books In Three Nice Chlöe Interviews To Make Up For That Mean Winston One

April 23, 2025

chloe thinking about her three troublesome MPs

Chlöe Confronts Reality That If Golriz And Darleen Had Obeyed The Law Then She Wouldn’t Be Stuck With Old Bussy Boy

April 4, 2025

WHO’S NEXT ON THE LIST?

chloe and doyle

Chloe Now Wishing Benjamin Doyle Was Just A Run Of The Mill Shoplifter

March 31, 2025

seymour in space

Seymour Wishing He Was Stuck In Space Station So He Wouldn’t Have To Deal With School Lunches

March 21, 2025

old boy at the pub thinking about school lunches

Old Boy At The Pub Sick And Tired Of All The Hoo-Ha About School Lunches

March 20, 2025

Luxon playing cricket

Prime Minister Becomes Instantly More Likeable And Relatable After Picking Up Cricket Bat

March 19, 2025

Luxon eating chippy sandwich

Luxon Eases Pain Of Poor Poll Result By Binging On Chip And Marmite Sandwiches

March 10, 2025

Luxon with two jars of marmite

“I Prefer Marmite Over Vegemite”: One Issue The Prime Minister Isn’t On The Fence About

March 5, 2025

luxon with marmite and vegemite at local school

School Principals Slam Prime Minister For Suggesting Parents Make Marmite Sandwiches And Not Vegemite Ones

March 4, 2025

zelenskyy tattoo with pic of christopher luxon in tattoo parlour

Luxon Hopeful His Fresh New Volodymyr Zelenskyy Tattoo Will Impress New Zealand Voters

March 2, 2025

andrew bayly giving massage

PERSONAL TOUCH: Andrew Bayly Launches New Business Offering An ‘Angry Massage’

February 25, 2025

swarbrick thinking about dirty keffiyehs

Swarbrick Cops It At Green Party Fines Session After Forgetting To Wash The Team Kit

February 20, 2025

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