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Top story

man in dirty kitchen

Flatmate Who Said They’d Do Dishes ‘After Dinner’ Now Entering Day 5 Of Standoff

August 28, 2025

BENCH BATTLE.

Recent headlines

man remembering the old days of all blacks, with the current all blacks losing to argentina in the background.

All Blacks Fan Misses The Days When Only A Couple Of Teams Could Realistically Beat Them

August 24, 2025

man looking in mirror with black hoodie.

WEEKEND FASHION: Man Plays It Straight Down The Middle With Black Jeans, Black Tee And Black Hoodie

August 24, 2025

man eating burger

Wellington Man Launches Personality Refresh Based Solely Around Eating Burgers

August 21, 2025

Man protesting about Christian Cullen outside the beehive.

RIGHTING WRONGS: Bloke Protests Historical NZ Rugby Crime Of Dropping Christian Cullen

August 20, 2025

tired couple at bali resort.

Overseas Holiday With Two Toddlers An Exhausting Waste Of Money

August 18, 2025

News

Luxon video screenshot of him congratulating taylor swift.

Luxon’s Video To Taylor Swift Sends New Zealand’s Cringe Level To Dangerous New High

August 27, 2025

PAINFUL STUFF.

man holding bluey toothpaste in the bathroom

Local Dad Admits To Secretly Using The Kids’ Bluey Toothpaste When No-One’s Looking

August 26, 2025

SECRET SHAME.

Chris Wood playing football with headline about tvnz world cup rights.

TVNZ Snaps Up Sporting Rights In Last Ditch Effort To Get People To Watch Them

August 25, 2025

RATINGS RESCUE.

Less recent news

Luxon and Hipkins dancing on stage humiliatingly.

Support Growing For Proposed Total Ban On Politicians Dancing In Public

August 17, 2025

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

hungover man on couch thinking of the beers from last night.

Bloke Forgets What He Said at Work Drinks, Just Assumes It Was Career-Ending

August 16, 2025

man with beer explaining time space

Man Says Rift In Space And Time Caused Friday Beers To Take Longer To Get Here This Week

August 15, 2025

hipkins running on wellington waterfront.

Hipkins Joins Trendy New Run Club After Running From Public Inquiry

August 14, 2025

chloe at her desk outside parliament

Chlöe Made To Drag Her Desk Outside And Stop Disrupting The Class

August 13, 2025

The Whakataki Times – the backbone of New Zealand’s news.

Quite old news

Nicola Willis In Charge Of Redesigning National Party Logo To Better Represent Priorities

August 13, 2025

ARTS AND CRAFTS.

angry Swarbrick with team and team kit

Swarbrick Kicked Out Of Parliament For The Week Now Has No Excuse For Not Washing Team Kit

August 12, 2025

Leigh Hart in front of polls.

Polling Shows Surge In Support For Snackachangi Chip Guy As Preferred Prime Minister

August 11, 2025

man standing in bedroom

Fully Domesticated Man Has No Recollection Of Ever Washing Sheets While Single And Flatting

August 10, 2025

one eyed cantab in hospital with rich mo'unga playing

MO’UNGA RETURNS: One Eyed Cantab In Hospital After Falling Off Chair In Excitement

August 7, 2025

leight hart as chris luxon standing in front of leight hart's speed cooking.

Prime Minister Replaces NCEA Food Tech With High-Pressure Speed Cooking Exam

August 5, 2025

boy in school exam

Revolutionary New School Exams Will Give Students Scores Based On Their Performance

August 4, 2025

Shortland Street pic with headline about funding

Essential TV Programme That Everyone Watches Thankfully Saved By Taxpayers

August 3, 2025

man eating sausage rolls at children's birthday

Hungover Waste Of Space Consumes 12 Mini Sausage Rolls At Nephew’s 3rd Birthday Party

August 3, 2025

man with beer tweeting on phone at pub

Craft Beer Guy Tweets The Flavours He’s Detecting After Being Ignored In Real Life

August 2, 2025

Man in lounge surrounded by tsunami.

Local Bloke Would Rather Be Hit By Tsunami Than Get Another Civil Defence Alert

July 31, 2025

woman on phone in bathroom

“I’m On My Way” Text Sent From Woman Still Towel-Drying In Bathroom

July 30, 2025

DECEPTION.

Leigh Hart and Chris Luxon with Snackachangi chips.

National Looks To Quietly Swap Out Luxon With Snackachangi Chips Guy

July 28, 2025

CRUNCH TIME.

man at bbq wearing behemoth brewing tee shirt

Local Man Uses Craft Beer Tee Shirt As Foundation For Personality

July 25, 2025

SOLID STARTING POINT.

Sport

Chris Wood playing football with headline about tvnz world cup rights.

TVNZ Snaps Up Sporting Rights In Last Ditch Effort To Get People To Watch Them

August 25, 2025

RATINGS RESCUE.

man remembering the old days of all blacks, with the current all blacks losing to argentina in the background.

All Blacks Fan Misses The Days When Only A Couple Of Teams Could Realistically Beat Them

August 24, 2025

Man protesting about Christian Cullen outside the beehive.

RIGHTING WRONGS: Bloke Protests Historical NZ Rugby Crime Of Dropping Christian Cullen

August 20, 2025

one eyed cantab in hospital with rich mo'unga playing

MO’UNGA RETURNS: One Eyed Cantab In Hospital After Falling Off Chair In Excitement

August 7, 2025

Man reflecting as he thinks about warriors celebrating

Local Man’s Reaction To Warriors Winning Try Would Have Gone Viral If Someone Had Recorded It

July 21, 2025

Woman excited with ruben love montage behind her

Female Viewership Of Third All Blacks Test Set To Explode With Inclusion Of Ruben Love

July 17, 2025

DREAM BOAT.

Will Jordan cloned

Will Jordan Wishes He Could Be Cloned To Play Fullback And Wing, Just To Keep Everyone Happy

July 15, 2025

Will Jordan scoring try and old fashioned projector with 1905 All Blacks

TMO Will Miss Tomorrow’s Test After Getting Stuck Reviewing All Blacks Try From 1905

July 11, 2025

Wayne Barnes and 2007 all blacks

TMO Now Taking Another Look At Forward Pass From World Cup Quarterfinal in 2007

July 7, 2025

Confused Beauden Barrett looks at losing score and will jordan scoring

All Blacks Shocked By Loss After TMO Rules Out All Remaining Tries Overnight

July 6, 2025

Beauden Barrett fronting media.

Beauden Barrett Warms Into Test Season By Practising Non-Committal Smile When Asked About Playing 10 Or 15

July 1, 2025

man thinking fondly of nehe milner skudder sidestepping.

“The Streets Don’t Forget Nehe Milner-Skudder,” Says Bloke Watching His Sidestepping Highlights

June 26, 2025

chiefs fan thinking about iran while crusaders celebrate

Chiefs Fan Cheers Up By Reminding Himself He’s Not In Iran

June 23, 2025

TAB guy scrapping odds for crusaders win

TAB Scraps Crusaders Win Option For Home Playoff Final, Cites “Pre-Determined Result”

June 20, 2025

man getting excited for origin

Kiwi Bloke Reckons He “Bleeds Maroon” Despite Never Setting Foot in Queensland

June 18, 2025

crusaders fans at game wearing black puffer jackets and beanies

Crusaders Fans Gutted About Extra Game Before Trophy Lift

June 15, 2025

Culture

man in dirty kitchen

Flatmate Who Said They’d Do Dishes ‘After Dinner’ Now Entering Day 5 Of Standoff

August 28, 2025

BENCH BATTLE.

man holding bluey toothpaste in the bathroom

Local Dad Admits To Secretly Using The Kids’ Bluey Toothpaste When No-One’s Looking

August 26, 2025

man looking in mirror with black hoodie.

WEEKEND FASHION: Man Plays It Straight Down The Middle With Black Jeans, Black Tee And Black Hoodie

August 24, 2025

man eating burger

Wellington Man Launches Personality Refresh Based Solely Around Eating Burgers

August 21, 2025

tired couple at bali resort.

Overseas Holiday With Two Toddlers An Exhausting Waste Of Money

August 18, 2025

hungover man on couch thinking of the beers from last night.

Bloke Forgets What He Said at Work Drinks, Just Assumes It Was Career-Ending

August 16, 2025

REGRETSVILLE.

man with beer explaining time space

Man Says Rift In Space And Time Caused Friday Beers To Take Longer To Get Here This Week

August 15, 2025

man standing in bedroom

Fully Domesticated Man Has No Recollection Of Ever Washing Sheets While Single And Flatting

August 10, 2025

man eating sausage rolls at children's birthday

Hungover Waste Of Space Consumes 12 Mini Sausage Rolls At Nephew’s 3rd Birthday Party

August 3, 2025

man with beer tweeting on phone at pub

Craft Beer Guy Tweets The Flavours He’s Detecting After Being Ignored In Real Life

August 2, 2025

woman on phone in bathroom

“I’m On My Way” Text Sent From Woman Still Towel-Drying In Bathroom

July 30, 2025

man at bbq wearing behemoth brewing tee shirt

Local Man Uses Craft Beer Tee Shirt As Foundation For Personality

July 25, 2025

Young couple smiling outside sold sign of their new home.

Couple Finally Buys House Together So They Can Argue Somewhere New

July 24, 2025

kiwi in rome thinking about London

Kiwi Bloke Still Hanging Onto Decade Old UK/Europe OE Like He’s Due To Fly Back Any Day Now

July 23, 2025

couple at coldplay concert thinking about the kiss cam

Coldplay Now Offering Tickets To “Kiss Cam Free Zone” Exclusively For Cheaters And Adulterers

July 20, 2025

man with beer at churly's thinking about rugby clubrooms

$8 Beer Discovered In Wellington Not In Ageing Rugby Clubrooms

July 18, 2025

go on.. get some pies.

Politics

Luxon and Hipkins dancing on stage humiliatingly.

Support Growing For Proposed Total Ban On Politicians Dancing In Public

August 17, 2025

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

hipkins running on wellington waterfront.

Hipkins Joins Trendy New Run Club After Running From Public Inquiry

August 14, 2025

chloe at her desk outside parliament

Chlöe Made To Drag Her Desk Outside And Stop Disrupting The Class

August 13, 2025

Nicola Willis In Charge Of Redesigning National Party Logo To Better Represent Priorities

August 13, 2025

angry Swarbrick with team and team kit

Swarbrick Kicked Out Of Parliament For The Week Now Has No Excuse For Not Washing Team Kit

August 12, 2025

Leigh Hart and Chris Luxon with Snackachangi chips.

National Looks To Quietly Swap Out Luxon With Snackachangi Chips Guy

July 28, 2025

CRUNCH TIME.

seymour and nicola willis

NICOLA WILLIS DRESSGATE: Seymour Annoyed No One’s Asked About His New Suit From Hallensteins

May 27, 2025

man on the couch and brooke van velden on tv

“WAIT, WHAT?”: Local Bloke Snapped Out Of Couch-Based Doom Scroll By Brooky’s C-Bomb

May 14, 2025

Corin Dann, Chloe Swarbrick and Winston Peters at RNZ studio.

Corin Dann Books In Three Nice Chlöe Interviews To Make Up For That Mean Winston One

April 23, 2025

chloe thinking about her three troublesome MPs

Chlöe Confronts Reality That If Golriz And Darleen Had Obeyed The Law Then She Wouldn’t Be Stuck With Old Bussy Boy

April 4, 2025

chloe and doyle

Chloe Now Wishing Benjamin Doyle Was Just A Run Of The Mill Shoplifter

March 31, 2025

seymour in space

Seymour Wishing He Was Stuck In Space Station So He Wouldn’t Have To Deal With School Lunches

March 21, 2025

old boy at the pub thinking about school lunches

Old Boy At The Pub Sick And Tired Of All The Hoo-Ha About School Lunches

March 20, 2025

Luxon playing cricket

Prime Minister Becomes Instantly More Likeable And Relatable After Picking Up Cricket Bat

March 19, 2025

Luxon eating chippy sandwich

Luxon Eases Pain Of Poor Poll Result By Binging On Chip And Marmite Sandwiches

March 10, 2025

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