NEED FOR SPEED

All Blacks winger Caleb Clarke has surprised rugby analysts and fans by attempting a radical new strategy: evasion.

Rather than bulldozing through defenders like usual, Clarke took his talents to the streets of Auckland, experimenting with a more elusive approach that involved outrunning the opposition. His efforts, however, resulted in a rather different kind of confrontation—one with the Auckland police.

“Yeah, I just wanted to see if I had the agility to match my strength,” Clarke told our reporters while he sat perched on his motorcycle.

Clarke today apologised about his new strategy after admitting to driving dangerously and failing to stop for police when he appeared in court.

“I take full responsibility for my actions, and I promise to stick to my natural game from now on. No more sidestepping – just good, honest, straight running,” Clarke said, hoping to get back to his normal game plan.

Auckland Police also spoke to Whakataki reporters.

“If he’d just put his head down and powered through, maybe we’d be having a different conversation,” said a spokesperson. “But trying to be Beauden Barrett when you’re built like Julian Savea? That’s just a bad tactical decision,” said an unnamed cop.

More to come. 

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