GOING OFF SCRIPT

In the wake of their nail-biting 24-22 defeat to the All Blacks at Twickenham, England’s coaching staff have quickly turned to serious internal matters.

Coach Steve Borthwick confirmed to our reporters that they would be taking action against winger Immanuel Feyi-Waboso, who scored their one and only try. They are also considering sanctions against other players who didn’t stick to the game plan of kicking life-sucking drop goals to outscore the opposition.

“We drill these lads every day on the sanctity of the drop goal and 10-man rugby, and yet, some still think they can improvise,” he said, visibly frustrated at watching a replay of a well executed try that put them into the lead.

Borthwick outlined how a few players strayed from England’s life-threateningly boring brand of test rugby.

“Marcus Smith oddly decided to run the ball from 80 metres out instead of helping the team to slowly get into drop goal position, and disappointingly, Immanuel Feyi-Waboso decided to dive over the try line for a five pointer.

“Immanuel should have had the awareness to pull up short of the open try line, ten metres out, and kick an easy three points. Sticking to the team’s game plan is important.”

The All Blacks trailed 22-14 in the second half, before staging a late comeback. Damian Mckenzie converted Mark Tele’a’s try from the sideline, and a frantic finish saw the All Blacks hang on while England made multple failed drop goal attempts.

Despite the loss, coach Borthwick was pleased with replacement fly-half George Ford, who hit the post with a late penalty and then sent a drop-goal wide, missing out on another lead. 

“It would have been a much more disappointing loss if we’d tried going for the try instead. So I’m pleased with a sprayed drop goal.”

More to come. 

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The post England Player Facing Disciplinary Measures For Scoring Try Instead Of Kicking Drop Goal appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

LIKE CLOCKWORK

Impeccably timed as always, an English person has made a big deal about the haka right before an England vs All Blacks test match.

This time it was England prop Joe Marler who reportedly called the haka “ridiculous” and that it “needs binning”. Normally such opinions are reserved for English rugby “scribes”, who insist on being called “scribes” in order to sound more cultured than “opinion writers”. 

Naturally this is the kind of talking point we have come to expect from rugby journalism. Now however it pales in comparison with the ongoing feud between the Irish team and Rieko Iaone, who has apparently been taking lessons in dramatics from the WWE. 

Nevertheless the haka debate is back on the table. In classic New Zealand fashion, the spin is that Marler has “disrespected” it, and so as a country we must collectively have a massive cry about it. This is even though every self-respecting All Black knows to use any perceived wrongdoing as fuel to play harder. 

Marler said that the haka is “only any good when teams actually front it with some sort of reply. Like the league boys did last week,” which is arguably correct. From a fan perspective, this version of the haka is more entertaining to watch, and gives commentators something different to talk about. No doubt Grant Nisbett is bored with his preloaded “full of emotion” line. 

Despite all this, nothing will change. Marler has carried out his duty of saying something about the haka before a game, which will result in it continuing on as usual. People generally like the All Blacks haka because it’s something different and it’s something unique to international rugby. 

Marler would not comment on whether he would do some kind of thing while the All Blacks do the haka in order to prove some kind of point. 

More to come. 

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The post English Rugby Guy Predictably Has Some Kind Of Issue With The Haka appeared first on The Whakataki Times.