DROUGHT ON THE OCEAN

Chad Wallace, 35, returned from his Labour Weekend fishing trip on Sunday afternoon with an impressive haul of absolutely nothing once again.

Wallace, who recently dropped over $2,000 on a top-of-the-line Shimano fishing setup “guaranteed to change the game,” spent three days on the water achieving results consistent with his previous budget rod, except this time, with more sunburn, debt and shame to his name.

“Mate, it’s not about catching fish really is it? It’s about the experience,” said Wallace, peeling a layer of skin off his nose like a man removing wallpaper. “Plus, the bloke at the shop said pros use this one.” he said, throwing down fish and chips with fish not caught by him.

 Wallace spent much of the trip swearing quietly at the horizon while opening and closing the same tackle box for hours at a time. His only confirmed catch was a seagull that briefly tangled in his line before escaping with his sandwich.

“I think the fish were intimidated I guess,” he explained, gesturing proudly at his gleaming rod. “You bring a weapon like this rod into their territory, they know you mean business.”

Friends who joined the expedition confirmed that after 48 hours of “intense angling,” Wallace eventually gave up and bought a scoop of chips and a battered hoki from the Paihia wharf.

“He kept saying the gear’s still ‘dialling in,’” said mate Ben Sullivan. “Then he ordered a second tartare sauce and called it a win.”

Despite catching no fish and getting mild heatstroke, Wallace insists he’s “buzzing for the next trip,” and is already browsing online for a $600 cooler to “complete the setup.”

More to come.

The post Man Spends $2k On Fishing Rods And  Gets Nothing But Sunburn And Fish And Chips appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

DROUGHT ON THE OCEAN

Billy Williams, 33, once again came back from a fishing trip without any actual fish.

Going out on his mate Craig’s boat around the Bay of Islands, Williams spent six hours optimistically thinking he would reel in a big one, yet just ticked off another completely failed journey on the ocean.

“I mean, yeah, catching a fish would be cool,” Billy added, his voice trailing off. “But it’s really about the vibe. It’s about the journey. If a fish happens to hop on the line, then great, but that’s not the real prize, is it?” lied Billy, desperate to get a snap with some sort of large fish.

Craig, who has reluctantly become Billy’s fishing companion by default, chipped in.  “Yeah, sure, mate. It’s about the ‘journey’—if by ‘journey’ you mean staring at the water for hours and pretending like you’re not obsessed with catching something.”

By the time they packed up, Billy’s rod had seen no action—again. Craig, who’d caught a decent-sized snapper on his second cast, didn’t even bother asking how Billy’s day had gone.

As they pulled into the dock, Billy pulled out his phone and called his partner, trying to sound upbeat. 

“Hey, babe, yeah, just heading back now,” he began, staring at the completely empty cooler. “Yeah, didn’t catch anything again… but it was still a great day. It’s not all about catching fish.”

More to come. 

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The post “It’s Not About Catching Fish,” Lies Bloke Who Hasn’t Caught Anything In Six Years appeared first on The Whakataki Times.