AUTHENTICITY 

Hollywood film producers have just revealed the highly anticipated location for the upcoming apocalyptic blockbuster Desolate Earth.

Key scenes for the movie, starring action star Chris Pratt, will be filmed at the Johnsonville Shopping Centre In Wellington, with those working on the movie describing it as “perfectly lifeless”.

A producer from Hollywood spoke to the Whakataki Times about why the desolate mall in Johnsonville is the perfect set for filming.

“It’s got everything—empty stores, flickering lights, and an eerie silence broken only by the occasional drip from a leaking roof. We couldn’t replicate this kind of authenticity on a sound stage.

“Decades of stalled renovations on this mall have created an environment where you could be forgiven for thinking the world actually had come to an end. You can almost hear the echoes of humanity’s downfall walking through the food court” said one line producer.

Over the years, development promises for the mall have all ultimately come to nothing and nearly half of the shops are closed. Locals remain frustrated at the mall’s continuous decline, but the movie producers can’t wait to start filming.

“We were going to build a deserted shopping complex from scratch until someone googled ‘bleak malls’ and this mall in Wellington New Zealand popped up straight away.”

Mayor Tory Whanau has also reportedly given producers the green light to film a handful of scenes in Wellington’s CBD on Lambton Quay as well.

More to come. 

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NIGHTMARE ON O’CONNELL STREET

All Blacks centre Rieko Ioane has reportedly signed a deal with Newline Cinema to star in the latest instalment of the Freddy Krueger horror movie franchise. 

Nightmare on O’Connell Street will be set on the main street of Dublin, with Ioane taking on the role of the iconic blade-fingered villain, Freddy Krueger. Krueger is known for creeping into the dreams of his terrorised victims, and in this instalment of the horror classic, these will be past and present Irish rugby players. 

Ioane led the haka ahead of this morning’s game against the Irish, where the All Blacks managed a gritty 23-13 win. He then followed up on social media by posting an Instagram image of the familiar Joker villain, holding a card with his playing number “13”. 

He has previously haunted the Irish on and off the field, sledging former captain Jonny Sexton so mercilessly that he got a mention in his memoir. Then there was the Instagram post of the Cranberries song, Zombie, which includes the lyrics “In your head”. 

Ioane would not comment on the movie deal, but is expected to make several cryptic social media posts to get his point across. 

There have been no reports of who will play the parts of the Irish players in the film, although it is still in the planning stages. Jonny Sexton will likely not be involved, due to his busy book-writing schedule. 

Meanwhile Irish inside centre Bundee Aki has reportedly gone into hiding, after lifting the pillow in his hotel room and finding a joker card with the number “13” written on it.

More to come. 

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The post HOLLYWOOD HORROR: Rieko Ioane Set To Haunt Irish Dreams In Freddy Krueger Reboot appeared first on The Whakataki Times.