EVEN DAVE CAN’T SAVE

After close to an hour on hold with the IRD, Andrew Young, 32, has lost all sense of time, space, and faith in bureaucratic efficiency.

Even after Dave Dobbyn’s classic anthem “Slice of Heaven” came on, which gave him a brief moment of nostalgia, it still failed to relieve the pain of nobody coming close to picking up the phone.

“I get it, my call is ‘important’ to you,” Andrew ranted to no one in particular. “But is it important enough for someone from the IRD to pick up? Or are you just serenading me with Dobbyn as a cruel distraction from the fact that no one will ever answer?

“It’s a banger, no question,” he said, still tapping his foot after hearing it for the fourth time. “But IRD have found a way to erase any happiness I may have gained from listening to this song.”

When asked whether he’d considered hanging up, Andrew quickly dismissed the idea. “Oh no, they’ve got me now. I’m in too deep. I can’t let this hold music break me. I just want to hear a human voice before I die, preferably before I hear Dave Dobbyn’s again.”

As Slice of Heaven looped for the fifth time however, Andrew’s last remaining fragments of hope began to slip away.

More to come. 

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