RADIO SILENCE

ACT Leader David Seymour has expressed disappointment this week after realising that nobody – not a single soul – has asked him about the sharp new Hallensteins suit he proudly wore for Budget Day.

While Finance Minister Nicola Willis has been dragged into a national conversation about whether or not she should’ve been wrapped in locally-sourced designer silk for the unveiling of the country’s books, Seymour says his own outfit has gone heartbreakingly unnoticed.

“I spent a solid twenty-five minutes in the Lambton Quay Hallensteins,” said Seymour, still bristling. “It was between this charcoal slim-fit and a slightly shinier charcoal slim-fit. I went with matte.”

Yet despite his efforts, the media failed to quiz him even once about his wardrobe choices – a clear injustice, according to the Act leader.

“I just think it’s sexist,” Seymour told reporters. “If Nicola’s getting column inches for her frock, why am I not getting attention for my value-conscious two-piece?”

The outrage stems from a now-viral NZ Herald article criticising Willis for wearing a dress from UK-based label Karen Millen on Budget Day – a betrayal so severe, it apparently risks collapsing the entire New Zealand fashion industry.

In response, a group of male National MPs reportedly began loudly discussing their own “Budget Day lewks” on social media. Chris Bishop was overheard saying that his jacket was “from Barkers, actually — made in New Zealand,” and Paul Goldsmith reportedly said his tie was from Farmers.

Seymour, however, remains wounded by the silence.

“I had a feeling this suit was going to make waves. But nothing. Not even a passing comment. Is it because I’m a man? Is it because it was from Hallensteins? Who’s to say.”

Deputy PM Winston Peters was later overheard saying he had “no idea what any of this was about” but could confirm his pocket square was “probably older than the journalist who wrote that article.”

More to come. 

The post NICOLA WILLIS DRESSGATE: Seymour Annoyed No One’s Asked About His New Suit From Hallensteins appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

EARNING BACK TRUST

Legacy media outlet Stuff has proudly unveiled its latest strategy to win back the public’s confidence: dropping a solid “c-bomb” into every article, regardless of subject matter, tone, or relevance.

The bold new direction comes after Political Journalist of the year Andrea Vance made headlines by calling senior female government ministers “c****” in a Sunday Star-Times column — a moment that has since been reframed by Stuff as “a powerful trust-building exercise.”

“We saw the public’s reaction to Andrea’s language and thought — hang on, maybe this is the authenticity we’ve been missing,” said a Stuff editorial spokesperson, wearing a freshly-designed rainbow lanyard.

Now, under the new guidelines, all reporters must find a way to work the c-word into every story, even if they’re writing about a missing cat or a new farmer’s market.

“Tone is irrelevant,” confirmed the spokesperson. “What matters is cutting through. New Zealanders say they want realness, and we’re prepared to go full Martyn Bradbury to give it to them.”

This linguistic Hail Mary comes just weeks after the latest AUT Trust in News report showed only 32% of Kiwis trust the news media. Rather than reflect on the damage caused by years of condescending, biased coverage, Stuff has decided that offensive swear words are probably the solution.

Sources say the new style guide includes helpful tips like:

• “If you can’t work it into a quote, just throw it in the intro paragraph.”
  
• “Use as a noun, verb, or adjective — versatility is key!”
  
• “If in doubt, blame context.”
  

Not everyone’s convinced. Former readers have called the move “embarrassing,” “pathetic,” and “a bold shift towards being one of many independently unhinged blogs of the left.”

Stuff maintains this is all part of a strategic pivot to connect with “younger audiences,” though many suspect the real target is anyone left who still remembers how journalism used to work.

More to come. 

The post EDITORIAL STANDARDS: Stuff Now Requiring Every Article To Include At Least One C-Bomb appeared first on The Whakataki Times.