CONFIDENT GUESSWORK

Blake Bentley, a 32-year-old from Christchurch has emerged as the leading authority on who the recently arrested “prominent New Zealander” is — at least according to his comments in the group chat.

“Nah boys I swear to God, my cousin’s mate’s sister works at the courthouse and said it’s who we all think it is. You know… that person,” Bentley wrote confidently, followed by the eyeballs emoji and a cryptic “ #toldyouso”.

Despite a court-ordered suppression of the person’s name, identifying details and the nature of the eight charges — which RNZ reports could lead to life imprisonment or a sentence of two years or more — Bentley’s confidence has only grown by the hour.

“Don’t ask me how I know. Just know that I know. The mainstream media can’t say it, but I can. Trust me,” Bentley commented, despite failing to ever deliver any decent oil in recent years about anything.

Meanwhile, legal experts have confirmed that suppression laws apply to everyone, including Blake Bentley, his cousin’s mate’s sister, and “that bloke from the bar who reckons he heard something”.

More to come. 

Big fan of the Whakataki? You can also follow us on Insta. 

The post Local Bloke In The Group Chat Definitely Reckons He Knows Who The Prominent New Zealander Is appeared first on The Whakataki Times.