QUEENSLANDER

A Hamilton man who has proudly “bled maroon” since intermediate has confirmed he will finally attend a State of Origin match in person, following the announcement that Eden Park will host a game in 2027.

Jason Rudd, 35, says the opportunity feels like destiny, despite having never visited Queensland or attended a live Origin fixture.

“I’ve always just connected with Queensland,” said Rudd, adjusting a faded Maroons cap purchased online in 2014. “It’s a mentality thing. Grit. Hard work. Humility. That’s me.”

Rudd began talking to reporters after quickly re-watching a highlights package on YouTube from the 2006 series.

“Everyone at school went for the Blues because it was easy,” he said. “I just thought nah, I’m different. I stand for something.”

The Hamilton sales rep has since built what he describes as “a strong Queensland culture” within his household, including a framed Cameron Smith poster in the spare room and a strict “no blue allowed” rule on Origin night.

“I’ve never actually been to Queensland,” Rudd confirmed. “Cairns looks good though. One day.”

Long-time mate and committed Warriors supporter Matt Keegan says Rudd’s dedication has always been impressive, yet confusing.

“He couldn’t name three suburbs in Brisbane,” Keegan said. “But he’ll give you a ten minute speech on Queensland spirit after two beers.”

Rudd believes Eden Park hosting a game in 2027 validates years of emotional investment.

“It just proves the Maroons are global,” he said. “They’ve finally brought it home.”

Rudd has apparently made a note in his calendar to book annual leave for the Thursday hangover he will be inflicting upon himself. 

More to come. 

The post Kiwi Bloke Who “Bleeds Maroon” Will Finally Get To See His Team Live From The Comfort Of Eden Park appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

KIWISLANDER 

Jason Wiggins, 34,  has once again reminded everyone in the group chat that he “bleeds maroon”, despite living his entire life in suburban Christchurch, never actually going to Australia, let alone Queensland.

“I’ve been backing Queensland since I was a kid,” said Wiggins, proudly wearing a well worn Maroons jersey and watching glory years highlights of the Maroons.

Queensland find themselves in a must win State of Origin 2 game against the NSW Blues in Perth and nobody is more amped up for it than a South Island Kiwi who has next to zero connection to NSW or Qld, let alone Australia.

“You don’t have to be from Queensland to understand Queensland. That’s the thing people don’t get,” he explained. “It’s not about postcodes, it’s about passion. Loyalty. Mateship. And hating New South Wales to be honest.”

“If Kalyn Ponga can be a Kiwi and represent Queensland, then I sure as hell can support them from the South Island in New Zealand.”

As our reporters tried to quiz him more on his dedication he was just standing in his living room yelling “Queenslander!”

More to come. 

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The post Kiwi Bloke Reckons He “Bleeds Maroon” Despite Never Setting Foot in Queensland appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

COUCH COMA

Jackson Brownie, a 32 year-old tradie from Hamilton has once again grossly overestimated his capacity to stay awake past 10pm on a weeknight.

Brownie — who was on the tools since 5:30 am, is expected to nod off sometime during the first half of the Queensland vs NSW rugby league game this evening, likely to be exhausted by a day’s work and the lengthy build up to Origin with Gus Gould.

“Every year I get myself all jacked up for it and look forward to watching the opening game, maybe even watch a bit of the post-match analysis,” said Brownie, while sprawled on his La-Z-Boy with a weighted blanket.

“But by the time they finish belting out Advance Australia Fair and showing shots of the sold out crowd, I’m usually drooling on the armrest. Man, why do they make these kick offs so bloody late?” asked Brownie, yawning and struggling to pay attention.

With the match kicking off at 10:05 pm NZT on a weeknight, which is often delayed until about 10:20 pm once the anthem is done, it is no wonder Brownie and many Kiwis can’t stay awake until the first half is over.

Brownie, who had earlier changed into his maroon jersey and posted “Up the Maroons” to his Instagram story with the fire emoji, is now believed to be “at extreme risk of early snoozing” after a roast dinner and two Export Golds, struggling to coherently answer any more questions from the Whakataki Times.

More to come. 

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The post New Zealand Bloke Destined To Watch Build Up To State Of Origin And Then Pass Out Before Halftime appeared first on The Whakataki Times.