MANIFEST 30 MILLI

TVNZ announced their bold new strategy to get them out of financial ruin this afternoon – appointing degenerate gambler Tim Naki as the new Head of Investments. 

CEO Jodi O’Donnell, who has been losing more money than the hapless punters at SkyCity Casino (conveniently located next to its Auckland headquarters), has called on Naki to try to get the state broadcaster back in the black with $30m in savings.

“Tim has a proven track record of risk management,” O’Donnell said, speaking to disillusioned and disengaged staff today. 

“Look, I haven’t exactly had many decent ideas to boost revenue myself,” she candidly admitted, while coming to a realisation that proposing to eliminate the 1News website in the digital age might not be the brightest idea.

O’Donnell was optimistic about Naki’s potential. “If Tim can manifest a million from blackjack, then $30 million—or even half of that—would help us greatly,” she said, clearly banking on Naki’s ability to pull off another miracle.

Naki could not be reached for comment as he was busy warming up with a two hour pokie session at a nearby gaming lounge. 

More to come. 

This story was brought to you by the good bastards at Fat Bastard Pies. Order some of their hefty pies online and have them delivered fresh overnight, anywhere in NZ.

The post LAST ROLL OF THE DICE: TVNZ Welcomes Tim Naki As Head Of Investments appeared first on The Whakataki Times.