WAITING WOES

Local electrician Brad Adams assured Sarah Briggs that he would be “round tomorrow, somewhere between 7 am and 5 pm,” to fix some wiring on her newly built house in Christchurch.

“I felt like I will be literally waiting around all day. I even reorganized my schedule, making a point to work from home and trying to get some sort of possible time frame, but nothing as yet apart from saying he’ll “be round tomorrow.” Sarah grimaced to our reporters.

Adams, who reportedly has a busy schedule managing the delicate art of not showing up on time, explained his reasoning: “I’m flat out, you know? Can’t really pin down an exact time. It’s a busy world out there, people need electrical stuff done. Sometimes you’ve just got to leave it vague.”

Despite his assurances that he would be round, Adams remained elusive, annoying Sarah even more. “I mean, I knew the window was wide, but I thought, surely he could at least give me a slightly smaller time bracket. I’ve even got my Mum to pick the kids up from school,” Briggs sighed. 

Meanwhile, Brad Adams remains confident that his approach to scheduling is both innovative and flexible.

“Look, if you narrow it down too much, people get anxious. I prefer to keep the window wide, because you can’t really be late if you just don’t make it at all.”

More to come.

The post Local Tradie Say He’ll “Swing By Tomorrow” Offering Inconvenient 10-Hour Arrival Window appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

WHAT?!

Palmerston North local, Hayden Cutts has revealed that he holds the shocking belief that he can be financially successful in New Zealand instead of Australia. 

The 19 year old building apprentice is going against a very gritty grain by having a positive view of his country’s future. Hayden took a break from the weekend hours he had picked up to talk to reporters.

“Ha I actually like my job. I’m learning lots. My boss says I’m doing well and I’ll move up the chain in the next couple of years,” he said, ignoring the looks of horror on the faces of nearby New Zealanders. 

Hayden’s long term view is to stay in the country and eventually become a master builder with his own company. He acknowledged the attractiveness of Australia for many young men like himself, but took a balanced view. 

“Yep, lots of money to be made in Aussie for sure. But the downside to that is you actually have to live in Australia. I’d have to find a whole new group of friends and they’d probably all be Australian,” said Hayden while wincing at the thought of it. 

“There’s money to be made here, you just have to work for it. Do it for the country!” he laughed.

Hayden has naturally upset friends and family alike by not moving to Perth to do mining. His cousin Damian had somehow become angry about the whole situation.

“Oh Hayden’s an idiot. He’s a hard worker so it’s actually just weird that he’s not moving to Australia to make way more money. What’s he even up to?” he asked dismissively.

“My mate Aaron’s over there making shitloads working as a cleaner! Says he does farrk all and usually gets to go home early and start drinking. I’m moving over there in March!

Damian believes Hayden’s been listening to too much of the financial literacy podcast “Keep the Change”. 

“Meanwhile bloody Hayden keeps talking about ‘adding value’ and ‘investing in himself’ like he’s bloody Luke Kemeys. Just move to Aussie ya dumb c***!”

As Damian trailed off to continue scrolling Tiktok, Hayden cut the interview short to go and add more value to the country. 

More to come. 

The post Ambitious Young New Zealander Shocks Nation By Not Moving To Australia appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

‘IT’S A HAMMER NOT A HAIRBRUSH’

19 year-old Jackson Ellis has become the subject of endless amusement for his more seasoned colleagues on an Auckland central building site recently.

Joining the team late last year, Jackson comes across as eager to learn but hopelessly unaware of what he’s doing.

“Every time he touches something, it’s a full-blown comedy show,” said experienced builder Mick, 41.

The most infamous moment so far came during a routine tool run when Mick asked Jackson to fetch a “left-handed screwdriver,” and not to come back with another right-handed one. Jackson, thinking it was some sort of specialised tool he had somehow missed in his orientation, scurried around the site in a frantic search.

Gavin, who has been with the building company over a decade, said he gets his amusement when Jackson picks up the hammer.

“I yelled at him. It’s a hammer not a hairbrush. Use it with authority! He was picking it up and looking at it like it was some sort of foreign object.

“Sure, he’s a walking disaster sometimes,” Gavin says, “but the kid’s trying. He’s not afraid to ask questions, and at least he’s got a sense of humour about it. Plus, he actually nailed a couple of things together the other day without asking for a tutorial, so maybe he’s getting the hang of it albeit quite slowly.”

More to come. 

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