FEED FAVOURITE

Auckland company exec Doug Sinclair has generated a fair bit of buzz for his Instagram skills and his eye for talent. 

Sources have told our reporters that every time Instagram suggests a good-looking female influencer, Doug’s name seems to appear in the “followed by” section. 

“It’s beyond uncanny,” says one colleague of Doug’s. “He spends his days managing a modest team of 15 in central Auckland, but the second a model, dancer, cheerleader or fitness influencer posts anything, Doug’s there first, liking the post and almost always dropping a fire emoji in the comments.”

The irony is Doug hasn’t had any experience in modelling, dancing, cheerleading or fitness. He just has a comprehensive portfolio of experts from those arenas in his Instagram..

Doug’s personal Instagram feed mainly features photos of his wife, three kids and golf courses around New Zealand. He has also posted pictures of classic cars and scenic vistas, often with a beverage in the foreground.

Despite the online activity where he seems to attempt to connect with women half his age, coworkers say Sinclair keeps a fairly conventional offline presence.

“He’s still very much ‘dad at Bunnings on a Saturday,’” one colleague said. “Golf, family photos, the occasional sunset with a beer in the foreground. Then you check his likes and it’s like a completely different personality has taken over.

“I assume Doug’s wife hasn’t seen his Instagram activity?”

Doug was unavailable for comment.

More to come.

The post 52-Year-Old Middle Manager Struggling to Explain Instagram Feed Full of Influencers Half His Age appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

F AROUND AND FIND OUT

In what officials are calling a “quick win for a speaker keen to be taken seriously” the Government has confirmed TVNZ’s Maiki Sherman has been banned from covering Parliament for five days. 

The suspension, staunchly confirmed by Speaker Gerry Brownlee this afternoon stems from an incident last week where Smith’s doors were banged on loudly. 

However many have pointed out that Sherman is likely going to be fired anyway, due to her getting drunk and yelling “faggot” at Stuff’s Lloyd Burr. It also seems almost impossible to imagine she could take a five day break from parliament and then come back on 6 May and somehow everything would be back to normal. 

Brownlee’s decision to ban Sherman for five days has been described as everything from “symbolic and based on principle” to “point-scoring that’s also somehow totally pointless”. 

However one senior newsroom figure, speaking on condition of anonymity, spoke to our reporters.

“It’s a bit like Gerry’s found a dead horse and he’s just started flogging it for some reason. No one’s impressed by it, but it’s happening.”

More to come 

The post Tough Guy Gerry Brownlee Bans Journalist Who’s Likely Getting Sacked Anyway appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

ATONEMENT

TVNZ political editor and on-camera shouter Maiki Sherman has reportedly been instructed to wear not one, but three rainbow lanyards around the office this week, following what some insiders are calling a “values misalignment incident” at a parliamentary drinks event last year.

Other insiders have called it “Maiki getting visibly drunk and yelling ‘faggot’ at a gay journalist”.

The corrective measure came after what sources called a “robust but ultimately affirming” internal process. Senior figures concluded that a visible commitment to inclusion would address the situation, and if anyone disagreed with them then they’d be hearing from their lawyers.

Sherman was seen entering the newsroom today with the three lanyards layered neatly over one another, creating what one colleague described as “a strong visual statement, that was also quite difficult to look at.”

“This is what I believe,” Sherman reportedly told colleagues loudly, denying that her multiple lanyards were a punishment. “I’ve always been an ally, this is just me leaning into that more visibly. Three feels like the right number.”

She said the added weight around her neck had been “a useful physical reminder” to stay aligned with organisational values.

A senior public sector advisor said the decision struck the right balance between accountability and maintaining morale.

“You don’t want to overcorrect,” he explained. “But equally, one lanyard in this context could be seen as performative. Three signals sincerity without escalating things into a fourth, which we all agreed would’ve been excessive.”

Sherman is now allegedly considering whether a fourth lanyard might actually be appropriate on Fridays.

More to come.

The post Maiki Sherman Made To Wear Three Rainbow Lanyards In The Office As Punishment For Her Sins appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

RED ALERT

The brains trust at TVNZ management has introduced a new Traffic Light System designed to help HR staff determine which internal crisis is currently most urgent.

It comes after today’s allegations of senior Political journalist Maiki Sherman allegedly using a homophobic slur aimed at Stuff’s Lloyd Burr. While the traffic light system is meant to help executives determine what needs the most attention, it would appear everything is already red. 

The move follows a series of recent challenges for TVNZ, including heightened political scrutiny after National Party MPs raised concerns over the conduct of TVNZ reporters in Parliament corridors, describing one interaction as “aggressive” and “door-adjacent.”

Separately, the Prime Minister’s office has confirmed Christopher Luxon will not be appearing on TVNZ’s Breakfast programme in the near future.

An unnamed TVNZ executive spoke to our reporters. 

“This is a sophisticated prioritisation tool,” one senior executive said. “Not every crisis is equal. Some are red, others are… slightly more red. To be honest, everything just seems to be coming up red. Today’s one with Maiki should really be a blinking red with a siren!” 

“Previously we had chaos,” they said. “Now we have colour-coded chaos. That’s a step forward at least. A small win for us, we sort of need a win.” 

TVNZ management also explained that some of the journalists in the newsroom were being asked to help HR staff out due to the fact the HR department was becoming more busy than the actual newsroom.

“HR’s now our busiest department by a distance,” one insider said. “There was a moment this week where HR had more ‘live situations’ than the newsroom, which is impressive, in a concerning way.

In attempts to interview Maiki Sherman, our reporters were just shouted at from a distance and couldn’t publish the comments.

More to come.

The post TVNZ Management Introduces Traffic Light System To Track Which Crisis Is Most Urgent appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

SMART TRAVEL

Prime Minister Christopher Luxon has unveiled what he is calling a “practical, everyday fuel saving strategy” after confirming he will no longer be regularly driving to television interviews with Tova O’Brien, a move he says could be replicated by Kiwis feeling the pain at the pump.

Speaking from Wellington, Luxon said it was part of a broader effort to “cut unnecessary trips”, noting that many New Zealanders could benefit from taking a closer look at the places they’re just driving to out of habit.

“Look, at the end of the day, if you don’t drive somewhere, you don’t use the petrol,” he said. “It’s just about being a bit more intentional with what you’re doing. I looked at a few of my regular commitments and thought, do I actually need to physically go there every time?”

Luxon said he had already noticed “immediate savings” after reducing certain appearances.

“You skip a couple of those regular drives each week and suddenly you’re not filling up as often. It adds up and it’s just common sense stuff really.”

He encouraged Kiwis to apply the same thinking to their own routines.

“Could be a weekly meeting, could be a class, could be anything really. If you can cut it out or just not turn up, you’re saving fuel straight away. Fair enough if you still want to go, but just have a think about it.”

Lower Hutt resident Jason Miller said he had already taken the advice on board, by simply not turning up to his Thursday night indoor cricket.

“Was costing me about fifteen bucks in petrol each week, easy,” he said. “Now I just stay home. Still part of the team group chat, so it’s like I’m still there.”

Transport analyst Megan Poole said the strategy was “technically sound,” but noted that it may have “wider implications” depending on what people choose to stop attending.

“From a purely fuel perspective, yes, not going places will reduce usage,” she said. “What that means for everything else including democracy is probably a separate conversation.”

Luxon confirmed he is continuing to review other regular commitments that “require a drive for no real reason.”

More to come.

The post FUEL SAVING TIP: Luxon Says Try Cutting Down Number Of Things You Drive To Like TV Interviews appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

BOOKING BUST

New Zealand was thrown into further mild confusion yesterday after Leigh Hart confirmed he too would not be returning to TVNZ Breakfast, just hours after Christopher Luxon pulled out of his regular slot.

“I just think it’s time to move on,” said Hart, standing in front of a suspiciously corporate-looking backdrop. “Case-by-case basis now. Mainly cases where I’m not there.”

“Look, I’ve always said media standards matter. And having standards isn’t that hard really, it’s pretty standard. Recently… things haven’t been up to scratch, and they haven’t really been up to standard either.”

Hart confirmed he would still be appearing on alternative platforms.

“I’ll continue my regular interviews with Mike Hosking, my neighbour Gary, and my podcast co-host Matt Ward. So nothing really changes there.”

Despite the absence, Hart reassured viewers the show would go on.

“New Zealanders want balance. They want accuracy and they want trust. And they want to know whether I’m the Prime Minister or just a guy who looks like him from a distance. Frankly, so do I.”

At press time, Hart confirmed he would consider a return under strict conditions.

“Yeah look, never say never. If they meet my demands, have slightly less tricky questions, and maybe just let me host it, then we’ll revisit.”

More to come.

The post TIME SLOT SNUB: Leigh Hart Confirms He Will Also Not Be Coming Back On TVNZ Breakfast appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

EQUINE POTENTIAL

Wellington’s Sky Stadium has come under fresh scrutiny this week, with observers noting the venue appears “exceptionally well configured” for horse-based entertainment should the Hurricanes wish to explore that option.

The comments come as the Crusaders prepare to debut at One NZ Stadium, a modern facility that notably lacks provisions for their traditional mounted horsemen, angering some Cantabrians.

Wellington sports enthusiast Daniel Prentice says the Cake Tin’s wide, circular design makes it “basically perfect” for horses.

“You look at it and just think, yeah, you could easily get a few ponies running through there,” said Prentice, gesturing vaguely toward the stadium’s outer concourse.

“There’s a lot of room. More than Lancaster Park ever had. You could probably double the horses and still have plenty of space for them to open the gait a bit,”

Another fan, Katrina Hughes, agreed the layout felt “underutilised” in its current form.

“It’s very round, which horses seem to like,” she said.

“They wouldn’t feel boxed in. It’s quite open, quite freeing. Feels like something you’d want to lean into from a fan experience point of view”

Sources close to the Hurricanes confirm early discussions have taken place around the possibility of introducing horses into matchday experiences, although branding challenges remain.

“One of the key questions is whether hurricanes actually have anything to do with horses,” said a person familiar with the conversations.

“It would be good if they did. But at the moment it doesn’t look like it.”

Brand consultant Mark Ellery said the idea was “not without its complications,” but believed it had merit.

“There’s definitely a gap in the market for more horses in rugby,” he said.

“If we can find even a loose conceptual link between weather systems and horses, then you’ve got something to work with.”

No formal proposal has been submitted yet, though insiders say the stadium’s “clear equine readiness” has not gone unnoticed.

More to come.

The post REPORT: Wellington’s Cake Tin Very Well Set Up For Horses If The Hurricanes Wanted appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

STORM SENTENCE

Meteorologists are calling it an “unprecedented weather event,” but a growing number of superstitious locals are saying this was a cruel joke being played by a force beyond our comprehension.

After days of relentless rain and flash flooding, the so-called “art installation” known as the Bucket Fountain on Wellington’s Cuba Street is being blamed for “angering some kind of deity”, which may have been either Ranginui or Zeus. 

Local theology enthusiast Jacob Jefferson ominously told our reporters “Yes. We warned you, but you wouldn’t listen.”

For years, the Bucket Fountain has stood in Wellington with the unearned confidence of something that absolutely should not have been given public consent, let alone plumbing. Featuring a series of aggressively coloured buckets spilling water into each other in a never-ending cycle of splashy chaos, it has divided opinion, with some people finding it mildly amusing and others trying hard to avoid it.

But now, experts say the signs were always there.

“It’s not a fountain,” said one local hydrologist. “It never has been, and now we’re all getting the cruel, ironic punishment we’ve had coming.”

The theory gaining traction is that the city’s continued acceptance of the Bucket Fountain for years  as “quirky” and “iconic” triggered what ancient texts refer to as The Great Dampening,  a period of corrective force sent to reset a decaying civilisation.

Residents of Wellington report a growing sense that nature itself has lost patience.

“I used to think it was cute,” said one Berhampore local while bailing water from her lounge. “The buckets, the splashing, the… whatever it’s supposed to be. But now I think the weather is right. We should have stopped it years ago. This is punishment for us which we deserve. Time to think about what we’ve done.”

More to come.

The post Wellington Floods Deemed To Be Punishment For Tolerating Bucket Fountain appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

BACKING EACH OTHER

Prime Minister Christopher Luxon has confirmed National MPs will now hold regular “compliment circles”, following what he described as the “strong foundation” created by this week’s successful leadership confidence vote.

Speaking to media, Luxon said the vote had already given the team a noticeable lift, but there was an opportunity to “build on that energy in a more deliberate way.”

“Look what I will say is we’ve seen what a quick show of hands can do for morale,” he said. “But if you sit everyone down in a circle on the carpet and really take the time to say what you appreciate about each other, that’s where the real growth happens, you know?”

Under the new approach, MPs will remove their shoes, sit cross-legged, and take turns offering affirmations to the person beside them, while maintaining eye contact for “a respectful but slightly uncomfortable amount of time.”

Finance Minister Nicola Willis says she’s already prepared a few lines.

“I’ve got one for Chris about his energy, and one for Todd about how he always brings a kind of quiet determination to things,” she said. “It’s just about recognising the little things people do ay.”

Luxon confirmed the exercise will include a “talking object,” likely a soft toy or small cushion, which MPs must hold while speaking.

“You can’t interrupt when someone’s got the cushion,” he said. “That’s a big part of it. It teaches patience and active listening, and I think we can all improve on that.”

A senior staffer, speaking on condition of anonymity, said early sessions had already shown promise.

“There was some giggling at first, but once they got into it, you could see some of them really needed this,” the staffer said. “A few of the men were sitting there like they hadn’t been told they were doing a good job since 1998.”

Luxon says the initiative is about ensuring the caucus enters the election year feeling “grounded, supported, and ready to win.”

More to come.

The post Luxon Says “Compliment Circle” Will Boost Self Confidence And Self Worth Ahead Of Election appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

BREAD AND BUTTER ISSUES

Concern is growing across New Zealand as everyday drinkers continue to face what they are calling “unmanageable conditions” when purchasing beers, with many now openly asking why the Coalition has not stepped in to address the issue at a national level.

The cost of a standard pint has steadily crept up in recent years, leaving some Kiwis feeling like they are being forced into making “tough choices” between having four beers or “cutting back to a responsible three”.

Wellington office worker Jason Clarke says the situation has become “unsustainable”, particularly on Thursdays and Fridays. “You get to the bar and suddenly you’re looking at like $14 a pint,” he said.

“And you just think, how is this on me to deal with, you know? Bloody Luxon! There should be something in place. A rebate or a cap or some kind of traffic light system.”

Clarke says he has already taken steps to manage the pressure, including briefly considering going home after work instead of staying out.

“I looked at my budget and thought maybe I just have less beers,” he said.

“But then I thought actually, no, that’s not really addressing the root of the issue. That’s just me absorbing the impact.”

Others agree the responsibility should not sit with individuals.

“It’s the same as anything these days,” said Lower Hutt man Daniel Reeves. “You shouldn’t have to change your own behaviour. That’s what the government’s there for.”

Reeves says he would welcome a targeted support package, possibly including a weekly beer allowance or “some sort of subsidy for the first few rounds”.

Outside observers say the issue highlights a broader shift in how people view personal responsibility.

Local bartender Amy Ngata says she regularly hears customers discussing what “should be done” about the situation.

“There’s a lot of talk about solutions…” said Ngata, “…but not so much about people wanting to improve their own situations. That doesn’t seem to come up as much.”

At the time of writing, no policy announcements have come from any party, leaving many pundits wondering whether they actually know it’s an election year. 

More to come.

The post Still No Targeted Support For Kiwis Struggling With The Rising Cost Of Beers appeared first on The Whakataki Times.