NEVER LIKED ‘EM

With the dust settled after Red Bull Racing’s widely-criticised move to drop Liam Lawson, the young driver has now revealed he’s never liked Red Bull as a drink, or any of the other sour-tasting caffeine-laden energy drinks on the market. 

“Traditionally been more of a coke guy, actually. Something weird about the taste of those drinks. Never liked them,” he said to a shocked press gallery. 

“Turns out Red Bull makes shit drinks AND shit cars, haha”.

Lawson says if he ever had to choose one energy drink in an emergency, he’d go for a V, mainly because it’s a good kiwi brand that started in Methven in the South Island. 

“But that’s only if there was no chance of a long black or Americano. These days there’s no sugar allowed in this engine,” he smiled. 

As all the newly minted F1 experts in New Zealand speculate further, we can only hope Lawson focuses his anger on delivering results, despite this setback. 

“Sorry, I meant shit cars, shit drinks AND shit team selections.”

More to come. 

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The post Liam Lawson Reveals He Doesn’t Even Like Energy Drinks appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

DON’T FORGET YOUR ROOTS

After recently being dropped from the Red Bull Formula 1 racing team, former Slytherin student Liam Lawson is making the most of his opportunity to give back to his community. 

Lawson famously played quidditch for the Slytherin team before making the decision to focus on motorsport, a decision that he didn’t take lightly.

“Quidditch will always be my first love, but when one door closes, another always opens,” he said to reporters optimistically. 

“It’ll be great to get back on the broom and hopefully teach the new generation a thing or two about flying.”

A tough start to the season has meant Lawson is being replaced by Yuki Tsunoda of Japan, a devastating blow for kiwi fans of Formula 1. 

“Look it’s a shame that quidditch isn’t a professional sport, otherwise I would’ve pursued it further. So while this is a bit of a setback, I’ll still be racing, but I’ll also get a chance to give back to my old school until I get back in the big leagues,” he said. 

Lawson would not comment on whether he allegedly called his replacement, Yuki Tsunoda, a “filthy little mudblood”. 

More to come. 

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The post GIVING BACK: Liam Lawson Heading Back To Hogwarts To Coach His Old Quidditch Team appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

PODIUM SEEKER

Liam Lawson, who is set to replace Sergio Pérez at Red Bull Racing for the 2025 Formula 1 season, has revealed the most difficult decision of his early career: leaving his prestigious position as seeker for the Slytherin quidditch team to pursue a full-time seat in Formula 1.

“Honestly, that was the hardest decision of my life,” said the Kiwi, tears glistening in his eyes as he adjusted his Red Bull cap.

“Quidditch was my first love, and giving up the chance to catch the snitch at the highest level—well, it’s not something you just walk away from,” Lawson said, as he showed our reporters his old emerald playing robes.

“I’d been flying at Hogwarts since I was 11,” Lawson reminisced, “but after a few years, you start thinking, ‘Is there more out there than chasing a tiny golden ball on a broomstick?’

These days the young driver is fully focused on his motorsport, now with the added pressure of partnering with Max Verstappen, the “golden snitch” of Formula 1. 

“It’s like playing against Harry Potter every day – not as magic but just as annoying.”

When asked about some of the online backlash following his promotion within the Red Bull team, he said he usually takes no notice of “filthy mudbloods”. 

More to come. 

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The post “Hardest Decision Of My Life” – Red Bull Driver On Having To Give Up Quidditch appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

HAPPY DAYS

Liam Lawson has had to keep his emotions in check over the past few days.

In a dramatic turn of events, Red Bull Racing has announced that New Zealand’s Liam Lawson will be stepping into the seat of Daniel Ricciardo for the remainder of the 2024 F1 season with Red Bull.

As fans come to terms with the departure of Ricciardo, famously known as the “Smiliest Man in Motorsport,” 22 year-old Lawson has been quick to assure the world that he will be tempering his excitement accordingly.

“I mean, sure, it’s my childhood dream come true,” said Lawson, visibly holding back a grin that could rival a Cheshire cat.

“Look, I don’t want to upset anyone, but if I smile too much, it’ll seem like I’m celebrating taking Daniel’s spot”” he explained, eyebrows furrowed in a display of seriousness rarely seen in F1.

“Besides, I’m a Kiwi. Our idea of showing joy is managing not to look completely miserable. I know this has angered some Aussie fans the way he was cast aside. But look, I’ll try not to look so happy about it.”

More to come. 

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The post Liam Lawson To Keep Smiles To A Minimum After Taking Over From F1’s “Happiest Driver” appeared first on The Whakataki Times.