GOING NOWHERE

29-year-old Darren Bentley has proudly kept his “Open to Work” banner on his LinkedIn profile for a solid 18 months, convinced it gives off an air of “hunger” rather than the obvious scent of “desperation.” 

“I’m just putting myself out there, you know, showing I’m motivated. Open to new opportunities,” Bentley told our reporters, unaware it makes him look like a loser.

Many LinkedIn users have put up the green “Open To Work” banner in hope employers will somehow see this as a sign that the person would be better for the job over someone not showcasing the banner.

“I mean, it’s not like I’m unemployed. I’ve got a job. But it’s all about the future, right? You gotta show you’re ‘open’ for more. It’s not like I’m begging for a new gig… well, not directly,” Bentley explained, with his profile now resembling an endless stream of public cries for help, rather than a sought-after professional.

A friend of Darren’s spoke on the condition of anonymity to our reporters after mainly laughing at his page and banner.

“Honestly, the banner just screams ‘I’m stuck in a dead-end job and I’m desperate to leave it. 

“It’s like a cry for help with a corporate filter on it. Can one of his closer friends just tell him the truth? Take it down Darren!”

While Mr Bentley continues to wear his “Open to Work” banner like a badge of honour in the LinkedIn community, the fact remains that it’s not exactly helping his cause, it reads more like “No one will hire me, please help” rather than “I’m the one you’ve been waiting for.”

More to come. 

The post Local Loser Still Thinks “Open To Work” Banner Makes Him Look ‘Hungry’ Not ‘Hopeless’ appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

Amelia Hawkins, 32, was the toast of her local LinkedIn community today after celebrating 10 years as a part-time fashion shop assistant at Hawke’s Bay’s “Amazing Diva”. This was despite her moving away from the region in 2013. 

“Congrats on your work anniversary!” said one comment from Brodie Thompson.

“Congrats on your work anniversary!” said another, this time from Scott Miller, who commented on the post “Congratulate  Amelia Hawkins for 10 years at Amazing Diva.”

Our reporters were understandably perplexed by Amelia’s work history listed on supposedly the world’s no.1 place for networking and professional development, as they eventually tracked her down in Melbourne.

“Amazing Diva? Yeah, like I worked there for two months after uni. I kinda had to make a profile to seem half employable at the time. Forgot all about LinkedIn haha”

When the Whakataki Times approached anniversary commenter Scott Miller, a former highschool friend of Ameila, about why he congratulated her, he explained his heartfelt well-wishes.

“Dunno, I just clicked the pre-populated message that LinkedIn suggested. I’m sure she’ll leave that place soon. She’s just gotta keep chipping away I guess,” said the electronics retail assistant who hadn’t seen Amelia since 2009.

When quizzed on whether she’d want to update her profile and list her most relevant and recent work history, she was reluctant to reveal further details.

“Ha, well ten years in the same place would definitely show potential employers how loyal I am. Especially if I’d actually spent ten years at bloody Amazing Diva. That place was a nightmare! Didn’t it close down five years ago?”

More to come.

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The post Woman’s LinkedIn Profile Celebrates 10 Year Work Anniversary At Job She Left Nine Years Ago appeared first on The Whakataki Times.