MAKING A POINT

Alex Devlin, 27 from Wellington, took to social media today to proudly share his Spotify Wrapped results, which showcased a meticulously curated lineup of artists no one else seems to know.

For the kiwis inclined to share their playlists, artists like L.A.B, Six60 and Taylor Swift were commonly included. However Devlin made a show of posting his own “wrapped” results to shine a spotlight on all the weird and wonderful bands he listens to, just to make the point of how different he is.

“My top artist this year was Velvet Echoes, this ambient dream-folk duo from Iceland. They only perform on fjords during the winter solstice—it’s super exclusive,” Devlin explained to our reporters from his Aro Valley flat.

Devlin’s second-most-listened-to artist, Petricor Flux, also raised eyebrows. “Oh, they’re this experimental post-jazz collective based out of a converted grain silo in rural Vermont. They release all their music on cassette tapes. It’s a vibe.

“It’s so authentic compared to, like, Six60’s factory-produced anthems.”

Asked about the widespread love for Six60, Devlin had more to say. “I don’t mean to sound harsh, but their lyrics are just… surface level.”

Despite his disdain for mainstream tastes, Devlin insisted he wasn’t judging others. 

“It’s fine if people enjoy Six60,” he said, pausing to adjust his vintage scarf. “Not everyone needs to be deeply connected to their music. Some people just want… noise. And that’s okay for them,” he said in disgust after our reporters revealed Six60 were the most streamed local artist in 2024.

More to come. 

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The post Wellingtonian Shares His Spotify Wrapped Which Is Filled With Artists You’ve Never Heard Of appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH

The widely ridiculed band of the 2000s, Nickelback are counting their blessings in 2024. 

While lead singer Chad Kroeger had felt left out at the time, he and his band mates are now quite pleased they didn’t get the invite to any of Sean “P Diddy” Combs’ infamous celebrity parties. 

“Turns out being an uncool, commercially focused soft metal band paid off in the long run,” said Kroeger as he held up a photograph from a Diddy party, while telling us to look at it. 

“We always felt like the outcasts of the music industry. A bit like high school, not getting invited to parties by the cool kids.”

Kroeger then put the photograph down after it was suitably acknowledged by the reporters in attendance. 

“In the end though, we’re all really pleased we were never drugged and videotaped committing heinous sex crimes,” he laughed. 

While rumours swirl on the internet about just how bad this guy is, we can confirm Diddy is in federal custody and has been accused of sexual assault by 120 different people. Without going into too much detail, there’s been speculation about which other celebrities are just as bad, if not worse than Diddy, and there have been many calls to “pray for Justin Bieber”. 

Kroeger also addressed the latest claims that Nickelback are actually good, something that journalists only began reporting earlier this year. 

“Just as well that  people only think we’re cool now that we’re all old and settled down with families. No chance of us staying out too late at an event anyway, let alone one of Diddy’s ‘freak-offs’,” said Kroeger logically. 

“Gotta admit I’m enjoying watching all this stuff come out though. Definitely going through the popcorn,” he laughed.

More to come. 

This story was brought to you by the good bastards at Fat Bastard Pies. Order some of their hefty pies online and have them delivered fresh overnight, anywhere in NZ.

The post Nickelback Relieved They Were Never Cool Enough To Be Invited To Any Diddy Parties appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

CAN’T TAKE THAT AWAY

While fans scramble to secure tickets and relive their youth with the announcement Oasis is making a comeback after 15 years, another name has surfaced in the conversation—though not for the reasons one might expect. 

Ben Lummis, the winner of the first season of New Zealand Idol back in 2004, is still very much not planning a comeback. 

In a world where nostalgia seems to be the hottest commodity, Lummis appears happy to continue his quiet life in Te Awamutu, where he manages a gym and provides for his wife and three children. 

Despite repeated attempts by the press to drum up interest in a Lummis resurgence, the singer remains resolute. “I’m happy where I am,” Lummis said in a rare social media post to his 347 followers, including several loyal bots. 

While Lummis is still making music in his spare time and singing at his church, a full time music career is the last thing on his mind. 

“The world doesn’t need another version of Can’t Take That Away when Oasis is back to fill that void.”

“Maybe Michael Murphy could make a comeback”

More to come. 

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The post Oasis Back Together But Still No Clear Signs Of A Comeback From Ben Lummis appeared first on The Whakataki Times.