TO EAT, OR BINGE?

Amanda Peacock’s stomach is grumbling this evening after she decided that another episode of ‘Missing You’ was worth missing a meal. 

The 28-year-old Junior Account Manager found herself in the uncomfortable situation of choosing between calories and content when her mum declared earlier today that the daily Netflix account had to go.

“It was a pretty unfair move by mum. She knew I was only three episodes into the season,” Peacock lamented.

With only $19.20 in her account before payday, and a fridge stacked almost entirely with empty condiment bottles, Peacock was forced to decide whether to purchase her own Netflix subscription to carry on her new favourite show, or to buy food to get her through to Thursday.

The choice for Peacock was difficult, but obvious.

“I obviously am hungry, but I can only eat when there’s a show on. So obviously, even though I could have had food, I wouldn’t have been able to eat it unless I had Netflix to play in the background. Obviously.”

Raising her voice over the sound of her growling stomach, Peacock reassured the Whakataki Times that she had made the right decision.

“I’ll binge on ‘Missing You’ and I won’t even notice that I’m even hungry.”

When asked whether she had considered waiting until payday to subscribe for Netflix, and buying food in the interim, Peacock simply chewed on her fingernails and gazed into the distance.

More to come.

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The post Woman Forced To Choose Between Subscriptions And Sustenance As Mum Cancels Netflix appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

TRAFFIC JAM TRAINING

Marty Jones, a 33-year-old Aucklander from Newmarket, has officially thrown his hat in the ring for Squid Games’ infamous Red Light, Green Light challenge.

“Every day, I’m dealing with traffic that moves slower than a snail on a Sunday afternoon. You’ve got to have quick reflexes if you want to dodge the red light when it turns green and then stomp the accelerator without hitting that Toyota Corolla that’s always one car-length too close,” said Jones, while talking to our reporters while he again waits in traffic.

Jones points to the heavy traffic from Newmarket into the city as his “training ground,” claiming that the stops and starts from the daily gridlock have made him an expert in understanding exactly how long he has before the light changes.

 “It’s not just about speed; it’s about knowing when to freeze, when to go, and when to pretend you don’t see the light and hope the driver behind you doesn’t honk for five minutes straight.”

Jones believes his deep knowledge of Auckland’s traffic lights gives him the upper edge on any of the other competitors he may come across.

“I’ve survived entire traffic lights without giving in to road rage or checking my phone for Instagram updates. Staying focused is key. And I’ve been doing that for years.”

“Bring on the red light green light challenge!”

More to come. 

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The post Aucklander Backs Himself to Win Squid Games’ Red Light, Green Light appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

NEW YEAR SAME ME

In what was supposed to be the year of self-improvement, 27-year-old Marie Wilkins’ New Year’s resolution to read more books has officially been derailed—hours into 2025.

Her plan, which was meant to involve one book a month, has already faced a tragic, albeit predictable, end after the drop of a new crime series on Netflix.

“I really thought this year would be different,” Marie said, sitting in her couch fortress, surrounded by snack wrappers and an untouched hardcover novel. “I promised myself, ‘This is the year I’m going to be a reader. Might even join a book club too.”

Marie had begun this morning with high hopes. She received a beautiful hardback edition of The Silent Witness, a gripping crime thriller, as a Christmas gift.

“I thought I’d read it in January and really set the tone for the year,” she explained, gesturing to the what will be a future dusty book on the coffee table.

“I made it 37 pages in… I swear, I was really into it! But then I saw Netflix dropped a new crime drama and the first few episodes have been really good!”

The new crime drama, which Wilkins chose not to name, has been called a “must stream” by the internet, but will likely be watched and forgotten like so many that came before it. 

“I mean, binge watching a series as opposed to binging on a few books is kinda the same right?”

More to come.

 
This story was brought to you by the good bastards at Fat Bastard Pies. Order some of their hefty pies online and have them delivered fresh overnight, anywhere in NZ.

The post Woman’s 2025 Plan To “Read More Books” Immediately Ends After New Crime Series Drops on Netflix appeared first on The Whakataki Times.