NEVER LIKED ‘EM

With the dust settled after Red Bull Racing’s widely-criticised move to drop Liam Lawson, the young driver has now revealed he’s never liked Red Bull as a drink, or any of the other sour-tasting caffeine-laden energy drinks on the market. 

“Traditionally been more of a coke guy, actually. Something weird about the taste of those drinks. Never liked them,” he said to a shocked press gallery. 

“Turns out Red Bull makes shit drinks AND shit cars, haha”.

Lawson says if he ever had to choose one energy drink in an emergency, he’d go for a V, mainly because it’s a good kiwi brand that started in Methven in the South Island. 

“But that’s only if there was no chance of a long black or Americano. These days there’s no sugar allowed in this engine,” he smiled. 

As all the newly minted F1 experts in New Zealand speculate further, we can only hope Lawson focuses his anger on delivering results, despite this setback. 

“Sorry, I meant shit cars, shit drinks AND shit team selections.”

More to come. 

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The post Liam Lawson Reveals He Doesn’t Even Like Energy Drinks appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

Whakataki mother of three, Vicki Matthews has embarrassed herself over the weekend by demonstrating a complete lack of knowledge about New Zealand’s national game. 

“Ohhhh God Vicki!”

Husband Daryl’s and son Michael’s heads dropped into their hands, as Vicki asked them whether Dan Carter, who hasn’t played for the All Blacks since the 2015 World Cup six years ago, had somehow been miraculously reintroduced to the squad for a Northern tour test against Ireland. 

While Dan Carter is considered one of the all time greats of world rugby, Vicki Matthews allegedly knows him more for his short-lived modelling career for underwear brand, Jockey. 

Daryl Matthews, 53, was in utter disbelief at the question. “It’s like she’s not even trying. I mean, if she doesn’t like rugby then fine, just leave us to it. But questions like that just demonstrate how little she cares. It’s unnecessary!

“Obviously he’s not bloody playing!”

Son Michael, 14, was more annoyed than anything. “Mum can stay and watch if she wants but I wish she wouldn’t ask these stupid questions through the whole game”

Daryl chipped in “Yeah! Like ‘why did he blow the whistle just then?’, ‘why is he doing that?’, ‘what happened then?’. It’s just constant!”

“Michael and I aren’t saying she can’t watch the game with us and enjoy it. But just let us watch it! Y’know?

Vicki Matthews was completely oblivious to what she had done to offend her family. “What? He plays rugby doesn’t he? Or was it rugby league?”

The Whakataki reporter on the scene cut the interview short following the mention of rugby league, as there is only so much that a sports reporter can take. 

The Whakataki Times will not be following this story any further and there will not be more to come.  

The post Local Mum Interrupts All Blacks Game To Ask Husband And Son Whether Dan Carter’s Playing appeared first on The Whakataki Times.