SUMMER VIBES

Finn Doran was out to enjoy himself at Nelson’s Tahunanui Beach as much as anyone else was today.

The 35 year-old decided he’d get in one last beach trip before returning to work in the next few days, and assumed that bringing along his new UE Boom 3 would generate more good vibes.

However Doran didn’t count on the fact that most of the people around him definitely did not want to hear his selection of music, which was set to the maximum volume.

Our reporters spoke to music man Doran and other beach goers.

“Yeah, I just thought some tunes would be a nice touch for a summer beach vibe. That’s what these little portable speakers are for aren’t they?” Doran said, oblivious to the sheer number of people he’s already annoyed with his music.

Mother of two, Kate Stevens was primed for some rare peace and quiet, while her children made sandcastles nearby, and so was less than impressed.  

“Seriously. I’m finally getting some time to myself and then this guy comes along, plonks down his towel and starts cranking his music. Why do we all have to listen to that at full volume? Ugh!” she said in frustration as she packed up and moved away from Doran, who was smiling and nodding along to his own music.

Max Jones, 23, who was there with his girlfriend to catch some rays, was equally annoyed.

“Yeah, like what is he even playing anyway? Sounds like some random assortment of The Smiths and Oasis or something?

“Geez, if you’re going to play loud music to people you don’t know at the beach, at least make a safe bet like Six60 or something. Impossible to be annoyed by them!”

As our reporters went back to question Doran, they discovered he was no longer lying on his towel, but was seen wading into the ocean, leaving his unattended speaker to continue playing its strange assortment of music.

More to come.

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The post Man With Bluetooth Speaker At Beach Appears Confident That Everyone Wants To Hear His Music appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

“SPENDING THE SUMMER IN STYLE”

After a winter spent under a cloud of seasonal depression, Kristen Edwards is ready to make this summer her best yet. Thankfully, she’s got a brand new set of Jibbitz to put a spring in her step, and they’ll be on show at Foxton Beach this holiday season.

“I’ve spent the last three weeks curating a collection of Jibbitz that’ll really make me and my Crocs shine,” Edwards gushed. 

When asked to explain the rationale behind her rubbery footwear embellishments, Edwards explained, “I’ve gone with a seaside theme on one foot, while the other is rainbows and unicorns. Overall, my Crocs are a creative response to the Foxton Beach environs as well as a reflection of my own perennial commitment to fun and whimsy.”

Edwards credits this whimsy, and limitless possibilities, of the Jibbitz medium for hauling her out of the blues that plagued her for the middle part of this year. 

“There is no artistic outlet that allowed me to fully resolve my creative vision while also giving me the inspiration and energy to get out of bed every day. Truly, curating my Jibbitz collection and assembling them on my Crocs has been a creative and personal revelation.”

But why Foxton Beach for the debt of this highly curated collection of Croccy accessories?

“It’s a place that I think is like me afew weeks back: a little sad, a little neglected. But I hope that my Jibbitz launch this summer will do as much to enliven this coastal Horowhenua town as they did to enliven me.”

More to come. 

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The post Sad 30-Something Gives New Jibbitz Their Beach Debut appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

ULTIMATE FLEX

Kelsie McVale, 23, knows what’s coming after flaunting her tanned beach body on social media. 

She’s expecting a barrage of Instagram direct messages from male followers who have just seen the revealing photo taken at Christchurch’s Sumner beach – a hotspot for people her age during the summer months.

McVale’s post to her 2,850 followers features her in a bikini, a large wide-brimmed hat, glamorous sunglasses, and an overly large Lululemon drink bottle.

The post was nicely captioned “Living my best life! #beachvibes #sundayfunday”, a sentiment that maximises efficiency and effectiveness, while sacrificing originality. 

Our reporters caught up with McVale who was lying on her beach towel. 

“Yep this should be a goodie, this one. Hadn’t let rip a decent one like this for a while,” McVale explained as she continually refreshed her iPhone 13 to see the likes roll in.

McVale was clearly determined to get to that coveted 100-like mark and has been doing whatever she can to get there. She was even sending DMs to her friends, reminding them to like her post and asking if they’d seen it, despite it only going up minutes ago.

“I mean, usually the post starts off slow and gets momentum when it comes up on people’s feeds. Kinda get a bit worried when it’s a slow start. This one seems to be okay. Four DMs already, but they’re just flame emojis from guys I’m not really interested in.”

“I mean a post like this usually ends up being a cesspool of unwanted attention from guys, who think that “liking” a photo and sending direct messages is the way to a girl’s heart. Can’t some guy just give me shit and comment on the photo to make fun of me? Ugh, guys they’re all the same.”

As our reporters left, the long-legged beach goer had one parting comment.

“Thanks for today guys. Be sure to chuck my Instagram handle in the story will ya?”

@kelsie_mcvale

More to come.

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The post Local Woman Expecting Instagram DM Blow Up After Bikini Post At Beach appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

ALL FOR THE GRAM

Sam Ellison thought he had the perfect summer getaway planned when he travelled up north to the Coromandel. 

Escaping his high-pressure job in Wellington with girlfriend, Tess Young, 26, he had the promise of peaceful afternoons soaking in the sun at the world-renowned Cathedral Cove.

“All I wanted was to lie on the beach, maybe read a book, enjoy the sun,” Sam said, staring into the middle distance, where the ocean waves once lapped peacefully. “But Tess had other ideas.”

“She asked me to just take a quick photo. But after I took the quick initial 10, she looked at all of them in detail. Clearly unhappy with every single one of them, she asked me to take more. She literally looked exactly the same in each photo.” 

“I swear to God, I’ve taken 30 photos of her just sitting, holding her hat, smiling into the sun—all the same,” Sam said, his voice beginning to break under the pressure. “It’s like she’s trying to illustrate her entire personality in one Instagram post.”

As they neared the 200th photo of Tess posing in the same position, she eventually came over to scroll through all the photos taken in what was a painful photography session for Sam.

“Hmm, I think I might just go with the first one you took at the start. Nice job camera boy.”  

More to come. 

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The post Bloke’s Relaxing Beach Trip To Cathedral Cove Turns Into Grueling 200-Photo Shoot For Girlfriend’s Instagram appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

SENT HIM PACKING

Spencer Lyon has felt more shame today than anything else he has experienced in club cricket.

The 31 year-old from Nelson, found himself clean bowled by none other than his girlfriend, Millie Dunn, during an innocent game of beach cricket at Tahuna Beach. Making matters worse, it was a delivery that even the most casual of beachgoers could have played.

After getting laughed at by his group of former highschool friends and having to reluctantly accept he’d just been clean bowled by the most simple deliveries. Spencer spoke to our reporters.

“Look, anyone who’s played cricket knows that sand is bloody hard to play, it’s just too unpredictable for serious play,” said Lyon, still trying to make excuses for why he had had his stumps rattled.

Millie meanwhile downplayed the situation. 

“I honestly didn’t even know what I was doing haha. When everyone started cheering and I saw the wickets out of the ground, I knew I must have done something right. Does that mean I’m winning?” asked Millie, slowly becoming familiar with the sport she takes minimal interest in.

Spencer, still visibly ashamed, continued to make excuses and went on the defensive.

 “If we were playing on a proper wicket, with a real bowler, it would have been a different story. Why don’t we go down to the nets and see how she goes against me then?”

More to come. 

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The post SHAME: Cricketer’s Ego Crumbles As Girlfriend Knocks Him Over In Beach Cricket appeared first on The Whakataki Times.