GOOD SAMARITANS.

Wellington-based music events promoters, Bangin’ Beats have booked stranded, pregnant kiwi Charlotte Bellis for a ten date drum and bass tour of New Zealand. The good samaritans made the booking because it is common knowledge that the best way to skip the MIQ queue is to be a DJ. 

Bellis has not been reached for comment yet, but no doubt the journo stuck in the chaotic hell hole that is Afghanistan will be pleased with the promo company’s good deed.

Bangin’ Beats co-owner Tyrone Segaris, 35, said that it was the right thing to do. “As an electronic music promotion company, we have been essentially granted the power to help people skip the MIQ waiting list, and that is a big responsibility”, said the music promoter and all-round good bastard.

“Obviously we’ve had hundreds of stranded kiwis reaching out to us to try and book DJ gigs so they can get back to their home country quicker. And we wish we could book everyone to come and smash out massive drum and bass sets, but sadly that’s not possible.

“We just have to assess each case as it comes. To us it was pretty clear that Charlotte, who’s pregnant and stuck in bloody Afghanistan, deserved a bit of help. Let’s face it, she is in the absolute shit at the moment”, said Segaris. 

Bangin’ Beats said that if you want to support Charlotte too, the best thing to do is buy a ticket. “Her mixing is a bit rough around the edges but she’s got a good selection of bangers to keep the crowd happy”, laughed Segaris.

Bangin’ Beats will announce Charlotte’s tour dates next Monday.

More to come. 

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The Whakataki region’s premier music festival, Rhythm and Hills, announced this morning that British dance music legend DJ Omicron will headline the festival this year. 

The very vaccinated DJ, responsible for such drum and bass classics as Three Negative Tests, No Symptoms and Everyone At The Festival Has To Be Vaccinated Anyway, is pleased with the announcement.

“Absolutely stoked! Can’t wait to smash it!” said Omicron, whose name is a Futurama reference to the home planet of Emperor Lrrr, Omicron Persei 8. 

“God I love Futurama”, said DJ Omicron, also known as “the Big O” to his mates. 

When asked about DJ Dimension, who has been absolutely raked over hot coals in the last few weeks, the Big O “didn’t really know enough about it” to comment.

“Wait, so he’d been isolating for ten days, had no symptoms and returned three negative tests, but now his fourth test came back two days late and it was positive, and now he’s being crucified for owning up to it? I thought New Zealanders were all meant to ‘be kind’”, said the appropriately compliant artist.

DJ Omicron is expected to drop an exclusive track next week called Omicron Is Coming, featuring Grow Up and Deal With It. 

More to come.

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