NEW ICE PRINCESS IN TOWN

Local father Jordie Jacobsen couldn’t be prouder as his 6 year old daughter Charlotte unceremoniously ripped down her Frozen Elsa poster, and replaced it with a poster of gold medal-winning Olympian snowboarder Zoi Sadowsky-Synnott. 

“Yesss good on ya Char, get it outta here. No need to watch that movie again ay hun”, said the father of two, still traumatized from watching Frozen more than thirty times. 

This comes after New Zealand’s best Winter Olympics ever, where Sadowsky-Synnott claimed gold and silver medals, and more recently halfpipe skier Nico Porteous won gold in his event. 

The Whakataki Times explored why Jacobsen now had a sore hand from gleefully fist-pumping the top of his living room door frame. “I’m mainly just pleased that Charlotte’s found herself a proper female role model to look up to. Zoi’s great, she’s a positive influence on Charlotte and she’s showing what can be achieved through hard work and determination.

“So much better than bloody Elsa from that hideous movie. God it’s horrendous,” spat Jacobsen in disgust.

Jacobsen confirmed that he is in two minds about whether he should keep his Disney Plus subscription, where Frozen and Frozen 2 are still very much available. “Well the only reason I got it was for the Star Wars stuff, and the Boba Fett series has just finished so maybe I’ll cancel it for now.

“No point having bloody Frozen available in the house. Better for Char to focus on Zoi and other positive kiwi sportswomen like the Black Ferns Sevens at the last Olympics, gee they were good.

“Fuckin Frozen can get fucked, sorry Elsa you’re out. Bad fuckin luck, maybe you should just… let it go?” Jacobsen laughed maniacally.  

More to come.    

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A GLASS OF WATER BEFOREHAND SEAN?

New Zealand’s newest national treasure Sean Synott, father of Winter Olympics gold medallist Zoi Sadowski-Synnott has had a bit of a prompt to ‘just have a few waters’ before embarking on what will no doubt be another iconic profanity-laden live interview after Zoi’s Big Air event.

The encouragement to knock back a glass or two of H20 before going live on national TV is not believed to come from close family or friends of Synott, but the nation’s television executives who are currently nervous wrecks. It comes after Newshub was snowed under with complaints from baby boomers about his live interview last week, which included back-to-back F-bombs.

The Whakataki Times spoke to Helen McLeod, Executive Producer from Wanaka News Today, who explained her brittle state ahead of Zoi’s bid for her second gold medal in Beijing.

“I guess for us we are just wary of the timing of her event. Her Big Air final is at 2:30pm NZT and no doubt Sean will be getting well underway before midday. Then if she wins..hell, we can’t even have him live on our show until 6:40pm during the sports break. It frightens me how many beers he could knock back before then” said McLeod who was visibly nervous.

McLeod then explained her plan to interview Sean, should Zoi take out another historic gold medal.

“Look, I think I’ll have to just have a few waters on hand and maybe even offer it to him a good 20 minutes before we go live. By that time he’ll be in the same state he was last week. We’ve just gotta roll with it as it’s a given,” explained McLeod who was now highly strung.

Attempts to reach Sean at his Wanaka home were unsuccessful, but he is believed to be “Pretty f***ing excited” about today’s event.

More to come 

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