FADED FAME

Party guests at a Rotorua house party continue to suffer under the weight of Matt Jacobson’s unwavering commitment to keeping 2008 alive —the year the now 34-year-old claims he “really peaked” in both rugby and cricket at Rotorua Boys’ High School.

Despite the passing of 17 years, a shift in friend groups, and the advent of smartphones, Jacobson continues to bring up his brief stints in the school’s 1st XV and 1st XI as if they occurred last season and had any bearing on his current life, which mostly involves admin work and some low-level weekday social sport.

“I mean, I didn’t start every 1st XV game,” Jacobson clarified unprompted at a recent housewarming in Tauranga. “But I was always ready to come off the bench. I was what you’d call a real impact player – oi Johnny, do you remember that chip and chase try I got against Hamilton Boys High?” Jacobson said, while trying to re-enact a move he did 17 years ago. 

Our reporters inside the flat spoke to some party guests who began to feel a sense of deja vu as he continued to tell the same story..

 “He steered the whole chat from interest rates and his current job to the 2008 Rotorua 1st XV vs Hamilton Boys’ grudge match,” said one guest.

Jacobson’s cricket anecdotes have also seen an aggressive resurgence in recent months, with particular focus on a “one-off innings of 41 not out,  he achieved batting at seven in a wet midweek Gillette Cup game.

“Mate, I just saw it like a beach ball that day,” Jacobson explained for what seemed like the fifth time in two hours. “Dropped on 3, yes, but after that it was carnage. Even the coach said it was tidy. Real tidy innings for a number seven.”

Our reporters decided not to ask for more comments, but were scared off the property after Jacobson kept asking us if we wanted more quotes from him.

More to come. 

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SCHOOLING THE SYSTEM

Sophie Cooper, a happy go-lucky go-getter had no idea her lack of Christchurch school history would leave her on the fringes of the city’s social circles.

The 26 year-old had recently relocated from Wellington for a job and was expecting to make friends with nearly everyone she would meet, just like she had done for years living in the Bohemian suburb of Newtown.

“It started innocently enough,” Sophie explained. “I overheard colleagues planning a group dinner, so I casually mentioned I was free and keen to meet some people as I’d just moved down here. That’s when someone said, ‘Oh, it’s just a few of us from Christ’s College and the girls from Rangiruru from our year.’ I wasn’t sure if that was a joke or a firm no.”

Determined not to let Christchurch’s cliquish culture defeat her, Sophie decided it was futile trying to get an invite to a private event, so instead refocused her energy on joining one of the city’s “run clubs”. 

“I found the run club awesome and I try to go twice a week at the moment. It’s called Social Striders. I also joined a pottery class, a quiz team, and will probably try to get into a bowls club if it means someone will add me to the group chat.” 

Despite the setbacks, Sophie remains optimistic. “I’ve learned to introduce myself with a light-hearted disclaimer,” she said. “Something like, ‘Hi, I didn’t grow up or go to school here, but I promise I’m not weird or a Hamiltonian.’ That seems to help.”

More to come.  

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The post Christchurch Newcomer Desperately Joins Multiple Social Clubs To Compensate For Zero Local School History appeared first on The Whakataki Times.

ECONOMIC OUTLOOK IS GOOD

With all the economic doom and gloom in New Zealand and the world right now, there is one part of society that is bucking the trend – New Zealand sports clubs. 

With Wellington beer pint prices in trendy pubs and clubs ranging from $11 to $17 generally, sports clubrooms around the country are taking an axe to inflation, with drink prices remaining in the single digits. 

Jack Brand from Wellington’s Northern United football club said that the club is doing all it can to thwart the Reserve Bank. 

“They’ll tell you they did what they needed to do during the pandemic, but all they’ve done is kick the can down the road,” he said. 

“We’re here to kick the can straight back, into the back of the net. Top bins,” said Brand using a striker’s football analogy. 

Brand explained how his social football club, which always runs at a loss, is doing something to defeat inflation on a national scale. 

“Hey, if people drink more at clubrooms across the country, and not drinking in ridiculous bars as much, it’ll force their hands to bring prices down,” he said knowingly while tapping his forehead. 

“People power in action”.

Brand sat back contentedly, surrounded by a few team mates on this particular day, pointing out some of the decorations in his club’s clubrooms. 

“Look, the atmosphere is different and the last time this place was redecorated was the late nineties,” he admitted. 

“But tough times call for extreme measures and hard times create strong men.”

Brand would not comment further on Northern United’s financial position. 

More to come. 

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HOW GOOD??

Jamie Nelson got a very pleasant surprise late on Saturday afternoon after coming along to watch his friend Regan’s rugby match for the first time. 

While Nelson was unimpressed with the skill level of both teams, and dismayed by the 9-6 final score, the low price of beer at the clubrooms afterwards put him in a very good mood. 

“Eight dollars for a beer in the Wellington region? How good?? And it’s decent beer too, Panhead!” he reported excitedly. 

“You’d be lucky if you could get a Supercharger for under 12 bucks in town. This is so good. I’m going to come to way more of these games I think”.

Mr Nelson seemed almost angry at himself for being oblivious to the well known fact that sports clubs are able to offer very affordable drink prices. “How did I not know about this? I’m going to make this a regular thing now I think. Definitely makes up for how shit the game was,” he laughed. 

As Regan came over, looking battered and bruised, Nelson was full of praise. “Regz you played real good! You’d be my man of the match I reckon. When’s your next home game, I’d be keen to come along again. Man you were good! 

“You want another beer?” 

More to come.

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