GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics
WHA? COME ON, MAN!
President Joe Biden got a hell of a fright when he woke up from his nap this afternoon.
The world just found out that the 81 year old is quitting the presidential race via a post on X, formerly Twitter – and it seems that that’s how Joe found out too.
“Smart move Mr President, really brave and the right thing to do for the party,” said a young White House advisor as Biden emerged from his bedroom.
Joe Biden told our reporters that no one’s more surprised by this announcement than he is.
“Wha? When did I?.. Oh, come on man..
“I mean, Trump is the biggest threat there is to democracy, and uh, well, medicare is uh… anyway..” he said definitively as the leader of the free world.
For now it seems Vice President Kamala Harris will be running for the Democrats, which is interesting because she has consistently polled even worse than the president.
After his advisors spent several minutes convincing Biden that this announcement came from him, and that he is totally in control of his own actions, he eventually decided to wish his Vice President the best of luck.
“This is a great day for democracy, and I want to extend my best wishes to Vice President Trump.”
More to come.
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