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woman in airport with coffee giving thumbs up

New Migrants To New Zealand Will Now Be Force-Fed A Flat White And Told To Enjoy It

April 13, 2026

COMPULSORY CULTURE

Recent headlines

leigh hart with two flags

Prime Minister Says He Can Win Back Support With A Second Flag Referendum On Laser Kiwi

April 6, 2026

lads drinking

Dunedin Students Instinctively Celebrate Alcohol Law Change With ‘Liquid Lunch’

April 2, 2026

leigh hart walking up road

TAKING THE LEAD: Prime Minister Says To Park A Bit Down The Road To Save Money At The Pump

March 30, 2026

kid with Jonah Lomu on phone

Kids Convinced Jonah Lomu Was AI Generated After Being Shown His Rampaging Highlights

March 26, 2026

man with coffee at laptop

Local Man’s Self-Described “Side Hustle” Has Reportedly Netted Him $11 Since 2023

March 25, 2026

News

blues fan thinking about cyclone at hurricanes game.

Blues Fan Prepares To Blame Wellington Wind And Cyclone Ahead Of Canes Clash

April 11, 2026

METEOROLOGICAL SABOTAGE.

office worker giving thumbs up

Public Servant Adds The Word “Strategic” To Sentence And Hopes That Helps

April 9, 2026

ALIGNING PRIORITIES.

man with pie and v outside night n day

Pie And Can Of V Found To Be Most Nutritionally Optimal Breakfast For Tradies

April 7, 2026

BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS

Less recent news

man on bike in wellington

Wellington Cyclist Mentions That “It’s Actually Faster”, Again

March 24, 2026

BEATING TRAFFIC.

man with microphone and laptop

Man Now In Planning Stage Of Starting His Own Podcast After Having Three Interesting Thoughts

March 23, 2026

woman in empty car

Commuter Looking For Ways To Save Money On Fuel Removes Seats From Car

March 19, 2026

man hiding under desk in office

Local EV Driver Quickly Learns To Keep Quiet During Office Chat About Petrol Prices

March 18, 2026

hipkins looking at sausage rolls

Chris Hipkins Quietly Making Plan To Bring Media Focus Back On Sausage Rolls

March 17, 2026

The Whakataki Times – the backbone of New Zealand’s news.

Quite old news

man in office with team values poster

New Team Values Poster In Office Predicted To Become Totally Invisible To Staff In Two Weeks

March 16, 2026

STRONG ALIGNMENT ENERGY.

man walking in suburbia thinking about petrol pump

PETROL PRICE CRISIS: Local Man Walks Ten Minutes To Dairy Instead Of Driving

March 13, 2026

Luxon in front of property for sale

Luxon Advises People Struggling With Bills To Just Sell Off One Of Their Rentals

March 11, 2026

otago man running with nachos

Man Attempts To Outrun Hangover With Multiple Trips To Shop To Buy Convenient Ready-To-Eat Food

March 8, 2026

warriors with warriors tweet

Round One Win For Warriors Triggers Avalanche Of “Our Year” Social Media Posts

March 7, 2026

luxon with chatgpt and poll results

Luxon Questions Whether Latest Poll Results Were Generated By ChatGPT

March 6, 2026

Leigh Hart imagining himself as ABs coach.

Leigh Hart Snubbed For All Blacks Coaching Role Due To So-Called “Lack Of Experience”

March 4, 2026

old boy at pub with beer thinking about all blacks coaches

Old Boy At Pub Waiting On NZ Rugby To Seek His Final Approval On All Blacks Coach

March 3, 2026

man with coffee

Local Man Adds “Long Black Drinker” To His Edgy But Highly Curated Personality

March 2, 2026

Grandmother and grandkids at duck pond.

Grandmother Looking After Grandkids Informed That She “Can’t Even Feed Bread To Ducks Anymore”

March 1, 2026

woman at festival

WIRED AWAKE: Health Guru Who Preaches 8 Hours Sleep Each Night Now On Fourth Line At Electric Ave

February 27, 2026

bloke in gore thinking about the mount

Bloke Refers To Mount Maunganui As “The Mount” Despite Living In Gore

February 25, 2026

COASTAL CLAIM.

grateful man in The Square in Palmerston North.

Palmerston North Man Confirms That “Actually Palmy Is Pretty Central To Everything”

February 23, 2026

LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION.

warriors fan looking at laptop

Warriors Fan Will Likely Process First Game Result As Either “Our Year” Or “Early Days”

February 21, 2026

EARLY ANALYSIS.

Sport

blues fan thinking about cyclone at hurricanes game.

Blues Fan Prepares To Blame Wellington Wind And Cyclone Ahead Of Canes Clash

April 11, 2026

METEOROLOGICAL SABOTAGE.

kid with Jonah Lomu on phone

Kids Convinced Jonah Lomu Was AI Generated After Being Shown His Rampaging Highlights

March 26, 2026

warriors with warriors tweet

Round One Win For Warriors Triggers Avalanche Of “Our Year” Social Media Posts

March 7, 2026

Leigh Hart imagining himself as ABs coach.

Leigh Hart Snubbed For All Blacks Coaching Role Due To So-Called “Lack Of Experience”

March 4, 2026

old boy at pub with beer thinking about all blacks coaches

Old Boy At Pub Waiting On NZ Rugby To Seek His Final Approval On All Blacks Coach

March 3, 2026

warriors fan looking at laptop

Warriors Fan Will Likely Process First Game Result As Either “Our Year” Or “Early Days”

February 21, 2026

EARLY ANALYSIS.

kiwi maroons fan

Kiwi Bloke Who “Bleeds Maroon” Will Finally Get To See His Team Live From The Comfort Of Eden Park

February 16, 2026

old boy thinking about nfl at pub

Old Boy At Pub Watching Super Bowl Says Players Are “Too Bloody Soft With Their Pads And Helmets”

February 9, 2026

Man at hyrox event

Former CrossFit Guy Announces Hyrox Is “What Fitness Was Always Meant to Be”

February 2, 2026

old boy with beer laughing at all blacks

Old Boy At Pub Says All Blacks Should Stop Being Drama Queens And Practice Their Tackling

January 22, 2026

christian cullen and john mitchell.

Kiwis Open To John Mitchell As All Blacks Coach But Only If He Publicly Apologises For Dropping Christian Cullen

January 21, 2026

ardie savea and old boy at pub.

“If Ardie Isn’t Captain, Forget Next Year’s World Cup,” Declares Old Boy At Pub

January 19, 2026

one eyed cantab, winning crusaders and scott robertson

ONE EYED CANTAB: “Razor Would Never Have Been Sacked If He’d Picked The Entire Crusaders Team”

January 18, 2026

man in pub having beer and scott robertson

Old Boy At Pub Says Razor Was Sacked Because Players “Are All Too Bloody Soft These Days”

January 17, 2026

scott robertson as part of a christchurch bboy crew

RETALIATION: Razor’s Old Dance Crew Challenges New Zealand Rugby To Battle

January 16, 2026

Culture

woman in airport with coffee giving thumbs up

New Migrants To New Zealand Will Now Be Force-Fed A Flat White And Told To Enjoy It

April 13, 2026

COMPULSORY CULTURE

office worker giving thumbs up

Public Servant Adds The Word “Strategic” To Sentence And Hopes That Helps

April 9, 2026

man with pie and v outside night n day

Pie And Can Of V Found To Be Most Nutritionally Optimal Breakfast For Tradies

April 7, 2026

lads drinking

Dunedin Students Instinctively Celebrate Alcohol Law Change With ‘Liquid Lunch’

April 2, 2026

man with coffee at laptop

Local Man’s Self-Described “Side Hustle” Has Reportedly Netted Him $11 Since 2023

March 25, 2026

man on bike in wellington

Wellington Cyclist Mentions That “It’s Actually Faster”, Again

March 24, 2026

BEATING TRAFFIC.

man with microphone and laptop

Man Now In Planning Stage Of Starting His Own Podcast After Having Three Interesting Thoughts

March 23, 2026

woman in empty car

Commuter Looking For Ways To Save Money On Fuel Removes Seats From Car

March 19, 2026

man in office with team values poster

New Team Values Poster In Office Predicted To Become Totally Invisible To Staff In Two Weeks

March 16, 2026

otago man running with nachos

Man Attempts To Outrun Hangover With Multiple Trips To Shop To Buy Convenient Ready-To-Eat Food

March 8, 2026

man with coffee

Local Man Adds “Long Black Drinker” To His Edgy But Highly Curated Personality

March 2, 2026

Grandmother and grandkids at duck pond.

Grandmother Looking After Grandkids Informed That She “Can’t Even Feed Bread To Ducks Anymore”

March 1, 2026

woman at festival

WIRED AWAKE: Health Guru Who Preaches 8 Hours Sleep Each Night Now On Fourth Line At Electric Ave

February 27, 2026

bloke in gore thinking about the mount

Bloke Refers To Mount Maunganui As “The Mount” Despite Living In Gore

February 25, 2026

grateful man in The Square in Palmerston North.

Palmerston North Man Confirms That “Actually Palmy Is Pretty Central To Everything”

February 23, 2026

woman with mug

Local Woman Claims To Be In Some Kind Of “Era” When Describing Very Minor Things That She Does

February 19, 2026

go on.. get some pies.

Politics

leigh hart with two flags

Prime Minister Says He Can Win Back Support With A Second Flag Referendum On Laser Kiwi

April 6, 2026

BACK ON TRACK.

hipkins looking at sausage rolls

Chris Hipkins Quietly Making Plan To Bring Media Focus Back On Sausage Rolls

March 17, 2026

Luxon in front of property for sale

Luxon Advises People Struggling With Bills To Just Sell Off One Of Their Rentals

March 11, 2026

luxon with chatgpt and poll results

Luxon Questions Whether Latest Poll Results Were Generated By ChatGPT

March 6, 2026

Leigh Hart with Luxon at Waitangi

Luxon Asks Leigh Hart If He’d Mind Covering Waitangi Day For Him

February 5, 2026

Luxon looking at ChatGPT at waitangi.

Luxon Used ChatGPT To Formulate Acceptable Excuse To Avoid Waitangi

February 1, 2026

AI PM.

Chris Luxon and his taylor swift Spotify Wrapped result.

Luxon Shares His Spotify Wrapped Hoping Taylor Swift Will Finally Notice Him

December 4, 2025

Te Pati Maori MPs and news headline.

Te Pāti Māori Insiders Convinced One More Parliament Haka Will Get Them Back On Track

November 10, 2025

David Seymour confronted by trick or treaters dressed as the capital gains tax.

David Seymour Spooked By Trick Or Treaters Dressed Up As The Capital Gains Tax

October 31, 2025

te pati maori ripping and burning paper

Te Pāti Māori On The Lookout For New Ways To Destroy Pieces Of Paper They Don’t Like

October 22, 2025

hipkins doing haka in parliament

Attention-Starved Chris Hipkins Planning Labour’s First Parliament Haka

October 17, 2025

Judith Collins with her new govt app

Government Struggling To Explain What’s Inconvenient About Having A Wallet With A Licence In It

October 9, 2025

chloe swarbrick with winston in front of smashed window

Swarbrick Relieved It Wasn’t One Of Her MPs Doxxing Winston Or Smashing His Windows

October 8, 2025

Luxon and Hipkins dancing on stage humiliatingly.

Support Growing For Proposed Total Ban On Politicians Dancing In Public

August 17, 2025

hipkins running on wellington waterfront.

Hipkins Joins Trendy New Run Club After Running From Public Inquiry

August 14, 2025

chloe at her desk outside parliament

Chlöe Made To Drag Her Desk Outside And Stop Disrupting The Class

August 13, 2025

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