The Whakataki Times | Trusted news that's important

dio school girl at school

Diocesan School Girl Fascinated By The Concept Of A Household Budget

May 30, 2023

ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture

man with police car in background.

Ram Raider Pulls Over For Police Car Instead Of Thinking He Was Playing Grand Theft Auto

May 29, 2023

GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National

couple posing for photo

Woman Flips The Script On Relationship Status By Debuting New Boyfriend On Instagram

May 28, 2023

ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture

man looking out window thinking about grass

Wet Weather Aggravates Local Dad Who Hasn’t Been Able To Get The Lawns Done

May 27, 2023

GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local

man smiling on train with metlink passenger operator

Man On Train Makes Eye Contact, Smiles And Says Hello To Metlink Passenger Operator

May 25, 2023

GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local

Mai FM Host Outraged That Helping Criminals Cover Up Crime Is Also Considered Crime

May 24, 2023

ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National

man relaxing on the grass, thinking of auckland.

Aucklander Totally Unmoved By Constant Heckling About Being From Auckland

May 23, 2023

ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National

man with city fitness bag in palmy's Square

Man Who Has Not Been To The Gym In Months Fraudulently Carries Around Red CityFitness Bag

May 22, 2023

GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local

Pie And Can Of V Found To Be Most Nutritionally Optimal Breakfast For Tradies

May 21, 2023

GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture

Very clean looking winger in front of totally mud covered team mates.

Local Winger Locks In Another Weekend Of Not Having To Wash His Rugby Gear

May 20, 2023

ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport

woman drinking coffee at desk.

“I Need A Coffee First” Says Woman Who Continues To Put Off Doing Any Work

May 19, 2023

ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Local

grant robertson with his budget in the sci fi fantasy section of the library.

2023 Budget Found In Fiction Section Of Library Under “Fantasy”

May 18, 2023

GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National

man swinging golf club in lounge, thinking about tiger.

Local Bloke Left Alone For Two Seconds Inevitably Starts Performing His Imaginary Golf Swing

May 17, 2023

ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport

man relaxed as tv is still in place.

Man Returning From Holiday Quietly Relieved His Home Hasn’t Been Totally Ransacked By Criminals

May 16, 2023

GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local

gore mayor and councillor with fish in background

Gore Council Succeeds In Making Gore Slightly Interesting To Rest Of New Zealand

May 16, 2023

GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National

woman taking selfie.

Instagram Business Coach Claims She Can Help You Make It In Business Despite Never Running A Successful Business

May 15, 2023

ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture

man thinking about fish and chips while being teased by australians.

Kiwi Living In Australia Haunted On A Daily Basis By The Phrase “Fish And Chips”

May 15, 2023

ROSEMARY ABBOTT | World

man awkwardly talking to someone at party

Local Bloke Spends Entire Party Figuring Out How To Exit Conversations Gracefully

May 13, 2023

ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture

grandmother driving car.

Normally Kind Old Lady Gets Behind The Wheel And Unleashes Torrent Of Expletives At Multiple Drivers

May 13, 2023

GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local

man in garden with phone to ear

Bloke On Hold For Over An Hour Beginning To Doubt That His Call Is Important To Them

May 12, 2023

GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local

man laughing at marina with tvnz rnz merger image in foreground.

Consultant On $6k A Week Really Sad About All The Work He Put Into The Whole RNZ/TVNZ Thing

April 6, 2023

GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics

Scribe Not Many video, with cutlery drawer with forks missing.

REVEALED: Scribe’s “Not Many” Inspired By Forks Going Missing In The Break Room

April 4, 2023

ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture

boy at kings college with kings college uniform.

King’s College Student Intrigued By The Idea That There’s a “Cost” Of Living

April 3, 2023

ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture

man scratching his head about the blues

Local Bloke Still Adjusting To The Idea Of Taking The Blues Seriously

April 1, 2023

ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport

ONE TEAM: Office Staff Bond Over Shared Hatred For The Company

March 31, 2023

ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture

Gen Z Student Trapped On Hold To StudyLink Hears Brooke Fraser For The First Time

March 27, 2023

ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture

DISCLAIMER: NZ satire has a long tradition. The Whakataki Times is a satirical news website, which means the stories are made up for comedic effect.