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woman eating chocolate, thinking of valentines gifts

Single Millennial Maintains Valentine’s Is A Fake Holiday And Is Happy Being Alone

NO I’M FINE. 

32 year old Josie Warden has hardened her position on the polarising Valentine’s holiday debate, characterising the day as a scam perpetuated by the chocolate and flower industries.

The senior marketing manager at JSI (Just Sell It) also maintained, without any prompting at all, that she was totally fine and happy with her life with no significant other.

“Look, this is obvious, right? No one actually wants this so-called ‘holiday’. It just creates an unnecessary expectation for people to buy stuff,” she explained while appearing totally fine.

Read More »
Seymour wearing anti dildo backpack forcefield at Waitangi

One Week After Waitangi Seymour Now Safe To Power Down Dildo Forcefield

COAST IS CLEAR.

After a spicy Waitangi Day up north, Act Leader David Seymour believes it is now safe for him to relax the precautions he’s been taking for the last week or so. 

“I knew things could get heated up there, as not too many people at Waitangi were keen to hear what I had to say,” said one of the three heads of the so-called ‘coalition of chaos’. 

While not widely reported in the legacy media, Seymour was in fact operating a very advanced forcefield, specifically designed to keep projectile sex toys from colliding into him.

Read More »
rangi ruru girl at auckland university

2023 Rangi Ruru Head Girl Wondering Why New Auckland Uni Mates Don’t Care What School She Went To

YOU DON’T KNOW RANGI???

Last year’s Rangi Ruru head girl has come crashing back down to earth already in 2024. 

Samantha Almati, 18, has been a high achiever her whole life, and has revelled in the accolades that have followed.

2023 was a particular high point, as she flaunted her head girl status at Rangi Ruru Girls’ High School all around the Christchurch social scene.

Read More »

Sport

Politics

Seymour wearing anti dildo backpack forcefield at Waitangi

One Week After Waitangi Seymour Now Safe To Power Down Dildo Forcefield

COAST IS CLEAR.

After a spicy Waitangi Day up north, Act Leader David Seymour believes it is now safe for him to relax the precautions he’s been taking for the last week or so. 

“I knew things could get heated up there, as not too many people at Waitangi were keen to hear what I had to say,” said one of the three heads of the so-called ‘coalition of chaos’. 

While not widely reported in the legacy media, Seymour was in fact operating a very advanced forcefield, specifically designed to keep projectile sex toys from colliding into him.

Read More »

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