The Whakataki Times | Trusted news that's important

Top story

tim payne with ronaldo and messi lurking

Messi And Ronaldo Spotted Hovering Around Tim Payne For Clout

June 1, 2026

STATUS SHIFT.

Recent headlines

Chris Hipkins riding duck on parliament steps.

Labour Believes They Can Win Election If They Get Their Hands On A Horse-Sized Duck

May 25, 2026

Auckland fc fan with beer and team behind him

A-League Title Reminds Aucklanders That They’re Just Better Than The Rest Of New Zealand

May 24, 2026

man looking at Behemoth Brewing beers at supermarket

Bloke Who Used To Drink Anything Now Apparently Needs “Something Interesting”

May 22, 2026

chris hipkins in roll safe

SAFE AND SOUND: Chris Hipkins Says You Can’t Break Election Promises If You Don’t Make Any

May 21, 2026

nicola willis in grim reaper outfit

Nicola Willis Unsure Whether New Outfit For Media Appearances Is Too Much

May 20, 2026

News

man looking at glass at bar

Craft Beer Guy Brings Own Glassware To Bar To Optimise Experience

May 29, 2026

GLASS HALF FULL.

tim payne playing football with news items

Tim Payne Now Feeling Immense Global Pressure To Post More Content

May 29, 2026

NO PAYNE NO GAIN.

grim reaper nicola willis dragging off money tree

BUDGET DAY: Nicola Willis Takes Scythe To Magic Money Tree

May 28, 2026

FINANCIAL PRUNING.

Less recent news

woman wearing two rainbow lanyards

Public Servant Applies Second Lanyard To Ward Off Evil Government Job Cuts

May 19, 2026

FORCE FIELD ACTIVATED.

couple shopping at pak n save.

Local Woman Annoyed That Partner Was Not Also Annoyed By Thing That Annoyed Her

May 18, 2026

Hurricanes players celebrate with cable car in bubble

Hurricanes In Line To Be Literally The Only Good Thing About Wellington This Year

May 14, 2026

richie mo'unga playing for all blacks but thinking about canterbury.

Mo’unga Not Fit For All Blacks Until He Proves Himself In Illustrious New Zealand NPC

May 13, 2026

man smirking at calculator

Local Bloke Finds Old Calculator And Immediately Types “5318008” Like He’s In Intermediate Again

May 12, 2026

The Whakataki Times – the backbone of New Zealand’s news.

Quite old news

maiki sherman having a drink at the newsroom

LEAVING DRINKS: Maiki Expected To Either Not Drink Or Completely Let The Dogs Out

May 9, 2026

MOOD PENDING.

horse and scribe at new stadium

Horses Set To Return To Crusaders Games But Cantabs Demand Scribe Stay Too

May 7, 2026

Luxon with townhouses

Luxon Confident Anyone Can Get Ahead With “A Bit Of Grit And A Diversified Property Portfolio”

May 4, 2026

Gerry bronwlee and maiki sherman

Tough Guy Gerry Brownlee Bans Journalist Who’s Likely Getting Sacked Anyway

April 30, 2026

maiki sherman with three rainbow lanyards

Maiki Sherman Made To Wear Three Rainbow Lanyards In The Office As Punishment For Her Sins

April 30, 2026

tvnz traffic light

TVNZ Management Introduces Traffic Light System To Track Which Crisis Is Most Urgent

April 28, 2026

Luxon in car thinking of Tova interview

FUEL SAVING TIP: Luxon Says Try Cutting Down Number Of Things You Drive To Like TV Interviews

April 27, 2026

Leigh and Tova

TIME SLOT SNUB: Leigh Hart Confirms He Will Also Not Be Coming Back On TVNZ Breakfast

April 25, 2026

horsemen at wellington rugby stadium

REPORT: Wellington’s Cake Tin Very Well Set Up For Horses If The Hurricanes Wanted

April 24, 2026

zeus on cuba street

Wellington Floods Deemed To Be Punishment For Tolerating Bucket Fountain

April 22, 2026

STORM SENTENCE.

Luxon on carpet with MPs

Luxon Says “Compliment Circle” Will Boost Self Confidence And Self Worth Ahead Of Election

April 22, 2026

BACKING EACH OTHER.

man with beer considering politicians

Still No Targeted Support For Kiwis Struggling With The Rising Cost Of Beers

April 21, 2026

BREAD AND BUTTER ISSUES.

Sport

tim payne with ronaldo and messi lurking

Messi And Ronaldo Spotted Hovering Around Tim Payne For Clout

June 1, 2026

STATUS SHIFT.

tim payne playing football with news items

Tim Payne Now Feeling Immense Global Pressure To Post More Content

May 29, 2026

Auckland fc fan with beer and team behind him

A-League Title Reminds Aucklanders That They’re Just Better Than The Rest Of New Zealand

May 24, 2026

Hurricanes players celebrate with cable car in bubble

Hurricanes In Line To Be Literally The Only Good Thing About Wellington This Year

May 14, 2026

richie mo'unga playing for all blacks but thinking about canterbury.

Mo’unga Not Fit For All Blacks Until He Proves Himself In Illustrious New Zealand NPC

May 13, 2026

horse and scribe at new stadium

Horses Set To Return To Crusaders Games But Cantabs Demand Scribe Stay Too

May 7, 2026

HERITAGE RESTORED.

horsemen at wellington rugby stadium

REPORT: Wellington’s Cake Tin Very Well Set Up For Horses If The Hurricanes Wanted

April 24, 2026

one eyed cantab running with flag around stadium

One Eyed Cantab Vows to Gallop Endless Circles Around New Stadium Until Horses Return

April 14, 2026

blues fan thinking about cyclone at hurricanes game.

Blues Fan Prepares To Blame Wellington Wind And Cyclone Ahead Of Canes Clash

April 11, 2026

kid with Jonah Lomu on phone

Kids Convinced Jonah Lomu Was AI Generated After Being Shown His Rampaging Highlights

March 26, 2026

warriors with warriors tweet

Round One Win For Warriors Triggers Avalanche Of “Our Year” Social Media Posts

March 7, 2026

Leigh Hart imagining himself as ABs coach.

Leigh Hart Snubbed For All Blacks Coaching Role Due To So-Called “Lack Of Experience”

March 4, 2026

old boy at pub with beer thinking about all blacks coaches

Old Boy At Pub Waiting On NZ Rugby To Seek His Final Approval On All Blacks Coach

March 3, 2026

warriors fan looking at laptop

Warriors Fan Will Likely Process First Game Result As Either “Our Year” Or “Early Days”

February 21, 2026

kiwi maroons fan

Kiwi Bloke Who “Bleeds Maroon” Will Finally Get To See His Team Live From The Comfort Of Eden Park

February 16, 2026

old boy thinking about nfl at pub

Old Boy At Pub Watching Super Bowl Says Players Are “Too Bloody Soft With Their Pads And Helmets”

February 9, 2026

Culture

man looking at glass at bar

Craft Beer Guy Brings Own Glassware To Bar To Optimise Experience

May 29, 2026

GLASS HALF FULL.

man looking at Behemoth Brewing beers at supermarket

Bloke Who Used To Drink Anything Now Apparently Needs “Something Interesting”

May 22, 2026

couple shopping at pak n save.

Local Woman Annoyed That Partner Was Not Also Annoyed By Thing That Annoyed Her

May 18, 2026

man smirking at calculator

Local Bloke Finds Old Calculator And Immediately Types “5318008” Like He’s In Intermediate Again

May 12, 2026

zeus on cuba street

Wellington Floods Deemed To Be Punishment For Tolerating Bucket Fountain

April 22, 2026

man with coffee in office

Manager Of New Staff Member Excited By Opportunity To Say “Oh You Came Back For Day 2”

April 19, 2026

man in kitchen celebrating

Local Man Gets The Double After Packing Dishwasher Wrong And Putting Dishes Away Wrong

April 16, 2026

woman in airport with coffee giving thumbs up

New Migrants To New Zealand Will Now Be Force-Fed A Flat White And Told To Enjoy It

April 13, 2026

office worker giving thumbs up

Public Servant Adds The Word “Strategic” To Sentence And Hopes That Helps

April 9, 2026

man with pie and v outside night n day

Pie And Can Of V Found To Be Most Nutritionally Optimal Breakfast For Tradies

April 7, 2026

lads drinking

Dunedin Students Instinctively Celebrate Alcohol Law Change With ‘Liquid Lunch’

April 2, 2026

man with coffee at laptop

Local Man’s Self-Described “Side Hustle” Has Reportedly Netted Him $11 Since 2023

March 25, 2026

man on bike in wellington

Wellington Cyclist Mentions That “It’s Actually Faster”, Again

March 24, 2026

man with microphone and laptop

Man Now In Planning Stage Of Starting His Own Podcast After Having Three Interesting Thoughts

March 23, 2026

go on.. get some pies.

Politics

grim reaper nicola willis dragging off money tree

BUDGET DAY: Nicola Willis Takes Scythe To Magic Money Tree

May 28, 2026

FINANCIAL PRUNING.

Chris Hipkins riding duck on parliament steps.

Labour Believes They Can Win Election If They Get Their Hands On A Horse-Sized Duck

May 25, 2026

maiki sherman having a drink at the newsroom

LEAVING DRINKS: Maiki Expected To Either Not Drink Or Completely Let The Dogs Out

May 9, 2026

Luxon with townhouses

Luxon Confident Anyone Can Get Ahead With “A Bit Of Grit And A Diversified Property Portfolio”

May 4, 2026

Gerry bronwlee and maiki sherman

Tough Guy Gerry Brownlee Bans Journalist Who’s Likely Getting Sacked Anyway

April 30, 2026

Luxon in car thinking of Tova interview

FUEL SAVING TIP: Luxon Says Try Cutting Down Number Of Things You Drive To Like TV Interviews

April 27, 2026

SMART TRAVEL.

Luxon on carpet with MPs

Luxon Says “Compliment Circle” Will Boost Self Confidence And Self Worth Ahead Of Election

April 22, 2026

man with beer considering politicians

Still No Targeted Support For Kiwis Struggling With The Rising Cost Of Beers

April 21, 2026

christopher luxon with long hair and lipstick

Luxon Unveils Dramatic Makeover And Rebrand To Improve Poll Results

April 20, 2026

robot in front of luxon

Disgruntled National MPs Creating AI Agent That Could Topple Luxon

April 17, 2026

leigh hart with two flags

Prime Minister Says He Can Win Back Support With A Second Flag Referendum On Laser Kiwi

April 6, 2026

hipkins looking at sausage rolls

Chris Hipkins Quietly Making Plan To Bring Media Focus Back On Sausage Rolls

March 17, 2026

Luxon in front of property for sale

Luxon Advises People Struggling With Bills To Just Sell Off One Of Their Rentals

March 11, 2026

luxon with chatgpt and poll results

Luxon Questions Whether Latest Poll Results Were Generated By ChatGPT

March 6, 2026

Leigh Hart with Luxon at Waitangi

Luxon Asks Leigh Hart If He’d Mind Covering Waitangi Day For Him

February 5, 2026

Luxon looking at ChatGPT at waitangi.

Luxon Used ChatGPT To Formulate Acceptable Excuse To Avoid Waitangi

February 1, 2026