The Whakataki Times | Trusted news that's important

Top story

woman at festival

WIRED AWAKE: Health Guru Who Preaches 8 Hours Sleep Each Night Now On Fourth Line At Electric Ave

February 27, 2026

SWEET DREAMS.

Recent headlines

woman with mug

Local Woman Claims To Be In Some Kind Of “Era” When Describing Very Minor Things That She Does

February 19, 2026

woman eating biscoff egg in shop

Local Woman Who Said She’d Have One Biscoff Egg Ends Up Polishing Off The Lot

February 18, 2026

men waving in supermarket, one thinking of coffee

“We Should Go For A Coffee Sometime” Still The Best Exit Strategy From Small Talk Entrapment

February 17, 2026

kiwi maroons fan

Kiwi Bloke Who “Bleeds Maroon” Will Finally Get To See His Team Live From The Comfort Of Eden Park

February 16, 2026

woman on couch eating mcdonalds

Local Woman Who Does No Exercise And Only Eats Rubbish Asks Why She Feels “Tired All The Time”

February 16, 2026

News

bloke in gore thinking about the mount

Bloke Refers To Mount Maunganui As “The Mount” Despite Living In Gore

February 25, 2026

COASTAL CLAIM.

grateful man in The Square in Palmerston North.

Palmerston North Man Confirms That “Actually Palmy Is Pretty Central To Everything”

February 23, 2026

LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION.

warriors fan looking at laptop

Warriors Fan Will Likely Process First Game Result As Either “Our Year” Or “Early Days”

February 21, 2026

EARLY ANALYSIS.

Less recent news

man with lollies outside night n day.

Lolly Bag Remembered As Greatest Investment Of Childhood Money

February 11, 2026

SWEET INVESTMENTS

millennials celebrating pub quiz win

Local Millenial’s Quiz Team Tops the Table After Actually Knowing The Songs From The Music Round

February 10, 2026

old boy thinking about nfl at pub

Old Boy At Pub Watching Super Bowl Says Players Are “Too Bloody Soft With Their Pads And Helmets”

February 9, 2026

children on bikes at nz camping ground

Local Camping Ground Ruled And Controlled By Roaming Gangs Of Children On Bikes

February 8, 2026

Leigh Hart with Luxon at Waitangi

Luxon Asks Leigh Hart If He’d Mind Covering Waitangi Day For Him

February 5, 2026

The Whakataki Times – the backbone of New Zealand’s news.

Quite old news

man in traffic with drivers licences

Local Man Who Somehow Failed His Full Licence Feels Cheated By New Changes

February 3, 2026

Man at hyrox event

Former CrossFit Guy Announces Hyrox Is “What Fitness Was Always Meant to Be”

February 2, 2026

Luxon looking at ChatGPT at waitangi.

Luxon Used ChatGPT To Formulate Acceptable Excuse To Avoid Waitangi

February 1, 2026

pink haired woman with horseracing in background and well dressed men in Wellington.

Wellingtonian Upset By All The Very Un-Wellington People Visiting For Wellington Cup

January 31, 2026

exasperated man with tired girlfriend in background.

Man Can’t Understand Why Girlfriend Is Too Tired for Sex After Doing His Laundry And Cooking His Meals

January 29, 2026

judith collins with crushed car.

Crusher Collins Celebrates Retirement By Having Her Own Parliamentary Vehicle Crushed

January 28, 2026

real estate agent laughing in front of house for sale.

Real Estate Agent Confirms House He’s Selling That’s Falling Apart Actually Has “Good Bones”

January 27, 2026

Public Servant Says New Cross-Agency Karakia Will Help Ward Off Taxpayer Union OIA Requests

January 26, 2026

man sarcastically happy to see bus.

Weekend Train Into Wellington Naturally Replaced By The Oldest Buses In New Zealand

January 23, 2026

old boy with beer laughing at all blacks

Old Boy At Pub Says All Blacks Should Stop Being Drama Queens And Practice Their Tackling

January 22, 2026

christian cullen and john mitchell.

Kiwis Open To John Mitchell As All Blacks Coach But Only If He Publicly Apologises For Dropping Christian Cullen

January 21, 2026

NEVER FORGET.

ardie savea and old boy at pub.

“If Ardie Isn’t Captain, Forget Next Year’s World Cup,” Declares Old Boy At Pub

January 19, 2026

CAPTAIN FANTASTIC.

woman at laptop in bank

Local Banker Happily Approves Mortgage As If She Hasn’t Just Created Fake Money Out Of Thin Air

January 19, 2026

GROWS ON TREES.

Sport

warriors fan looking at laptop

Warriors Fan Will Likely Process First Game Result As Either “Our Year” Or “Early Days”

February 21, 2026

EARLY ANALYSIS.

kiwi maroons fan

Kiwi Bloke Who “Bleeds Maroon” Will Finally Get To See His Team Live From The Comfort Of Eden Park

February 16, 2026

old boy thinking about nfl at pub

Old Boy At Pub Watching Super Bowl Says Players Are “Too Bloody Soft With Their Pads And Helmets”

February 9, 2026

Man at hyrox event

Former CrossFit Guy Announces Hyrox Is “What Fitness Was Always Meant to Be”

February 2, 2026

old boy with beer laughing at all blacks

Old Boy At Pub Says All Blacks Should Stop Being Drama Queens And Practice Their Tackling

January 22, 2026

PUB FURY.

christian cullen and john mitchell.

Kiwis Open To John Mitchell As All Blacks Coach But Only If He Publicly Apologises For Dropping Christian Cullen

January 21, 2026

ardie savea and old boy at pub.

“If Ardie Isn’t Captain, Forget Next Year’s World Cup,” Declares Old Boy At Pub

January 19, 2026

one eyed cantab, winning crusaders and scott robertson

ONE EYED CANTAB: “Razor Would Never Have Been Sacked If He’d Picked The Entire Crusaders Team”

January 18, 2026

man in pub having beer and scott robertson

Old Boy At Pub Says Razor Was Sacked Because Players “Are All Too Bloody Soft These Days”

January 17, 2026

scott robertson as part of a christchurch bboy crew

RETALIATION: Razor’s Old Dance Crew Challenges New Zealand Rugby To Battle

January 16, 2026

scott robertson breakdancing as Raygun at the olympics.

RAZOR SACKED: Scott Robertson Finally Free To Pursue Breakdancing Career In Australia

January 15, 2026

angry boys with cricket bat

REPORT: BYC Growing Quite Tense Between Cousins

January 4, 2026

stopwatch on plane

Aisle Standers Successfully Shave 0.00 Seconds Off Their Time Taken To Get Off Plane

December 11, 2025

Culture

woman at festival

WIRED AWAKE: Health Guru Who Preaches 8 Hours Sleep Each Night Now On Fourth Line At Electric Ave

February 27, 2026

SWEET DREAMS.

bloke in gore thinking about the mount

Bloke Refers To Mount Maunganui As “The Mount” Despite Living In Gore

February 25, 2026

grateful man in The Square in Palmerston North.

Palmerston North Man Confirms That “Actually Palmy Is Pretty Central To Everything”

February 23, 2026

woman with mug

Local Woman Claims To Be In Some Kind Of “Era” When Describing Very Minor Things That She Does

February 19, 2026

woman eating biscoff egg in shop

Local Woman Who Said She’d Have One Biscoff Egg Ends Up Polishing Off The Lot

February 18, 2026

men waving in supermarket, one thinking of coffee

“We Should Go For A Coffee Sometime” Still The Best Exit Strategy From Small Talk Entrapment

February 17, 2026

POLITE ESCAPE.

woman on couch eating mcdonalds

Local Woman Who Does No Exercise And Only Eats Rubbish Asks Why She Feels “Tired All The Time”

February 16, 2026

man with lollies outside night n day.

Lolly Bag Remembered As Greatest Investment Of Childhood Money

February 11, 2026

millennials celebrating pub quiz win

Local Millenial’s Quiz Team Tops the Table After Actually Knowing The Songs From The Music Round

February 10, 2026

children on bikes at nz camping ground

Local Camping Ground Ruled And Controlled By Roaming Gangs Of Children On Bikes

February 8, 2026

pink haired woman with horseracing in background and well dressed men in Wellington.

Wellingtonian Upset By All The Very Un-Wellington People Visiting For Wellington Cup

January 31, 2026

exasperated man with tired girlfriend in background.

Man Can’t Understand Why Girlfriend Is Too Tired for Sex After Doing His Laundry And Cooking His Meals

January 29, 2026

judith collins with crushed car.

Crusher Collins Celebrates Retirement By Having Her Own Parliamentary Vehicle Crushed

January 28, 2026

real estate agent laughing in front of house for sale.

Real Estate Agent Confirms House He’s Selling That’s Falling Apart Actually Has “Good Bones”

January 27, 2026

Public Servant Says New Cross-Agency Karakia Will Help Ward Off Taxpayer Union OIA Requests

January 26, 2026

man sarcastically happy to see bus.

Weekend Train Into Wellington Naturally Replaced By The Oldest Buses In New Zealand

January 23, 2026

go on.. get some pies.

Politics

Leigh Hart with Luxon at Waitangi

Luxon Asks Leigh Hart If He’d Mind Covering Waitangi Day For Him

February 5, 2026

ROLLING SUB.

Luxon looking at ChatGPT at waitangi.

Luxon Used ChatGPT To Formulate Acceptable Excuse To Avoid Waitangi

February 1, 2026

Chris Luxon and his taylor swift Spotify Wrapped result.

Luxon Shares His Spotify Wrapped Hoping Taylor Swift Will Finally Notice Him

December 4, 2025

Te Pati Maori MPs and news headline.

Te Pāti Māori Insiders Convinced One More Parliament Haka Will Get Them Back On Track

November 10, 2025

David Seymour confronted by trick or treaters dressed as the capital gains tax.

David Seymour Spooked By Trick Or Treaters Dressed Up As The Capital Gains Tax

October 31, 2025

te pati maori ripping and burning paper

Te Pāti Māori On The Lookout For New Ways To Destroy Pieces Of Paper They Don’t Like

October 22, 2025

INNOVATORS.

hipkins doing haka in parliament

Attention-Starved Chris Hipkins Planning Labour’s First Parliament Haka

October 17, 2025

Judith Collins with her new govt app

Government Struggling To Explain What’s Inconvenient About Having A Wallet With A Licence In It

October 9, 2025

chloe swarbrick with winston in front of smashed window

Swarbrick Relieved It Wasn’t One Of Her MPs Doxxing Winston Or Smashing His Windows

October 8, 2025

Luxon and Hipkins dancing on stage humiliatingly.

Support Growing For Proposed Total Ban On Politicians Dancing In Public

August 17, 2025

hipkins running on wellington waterfront.

Hipkins Joins Trendy New Run Club After Running From Public Inquiry

August 14, 2025

chloe at her desk outside parliament

Chlöe Made To Drag Her Desk Outside And Stop Disrupting The Class

August 13, 2025

Nicola Willis In Charge Of Redesigning National Party Logo To Better Represent Priorities

August 13, 2025

angry Swarbrick with team and team kit

Swarbrick Kicked Out Of Parliament For The Week Now Has No Excuse For Not Washing Team Kit

August 12, 2025

Leigh Hart and Chris Luxon with Snackachangi chips.

National Looks To Quietly Swap Out Luxon With Snackachangi Chips Guy

July 28, 2025

seymour and nicola willis

NICOLA WILLIS DRESSGATE: Seymour Annoyed No One’s Asked About His New Suit From Hallensteins

May 27, 2025

What can we do for you?Get in touch.