The Whakataki Times | Trusted news that's important

Top story

ben lummis thinking about nrl final

Ben Lummis Confirms He Can Be Ready By NRL Grand Final Day

September 24, 2026

IDOL RETURNS

Recent headlines

chris luxon doing his pak n save shopping

Luxon Breaking Up Supermarket Duopoly So He Can Finally Achieve His $60 Weekly Shop

September 16, 2026

kirifi in hi vis at game

REVEALED: Du’Plessis Kirifi Named As Prime Suspect After Referee Comms Blackout

September 15, 2026

green mps stocking shelves

Chlöe Says All Greens MPs Will Be Stocking Shelves At Night In Government-Owned Supermarket

September 14, 2026

man on couch thinking about streaming services.

Local Bloke Still Paying Monthly Bills For Three Streaming Services He Doesn’t Use

September 13, 2026

mega chris and taxinda 2.0

Chris Luxkins Releases Brand New Humanoid Robot Candidate For Natbour, “Taxinda 2.0”

September 10, 2026

News

nicky hager having a coffee outside

Nicky Hager Says Next Year’s Book Will Be Something Light And Cheerful

September 23, 2026

CHANGING THINGS UP.

anonymous man talking about warriors

Man Comes Forward About Watching No Warriors Games All Year And Then Causing Semifinal Loss By Watching It

September 21, 2026

THE CURSE.

man in office thinking of sydney sweeney

Office Bloke Nods Politely While Female Colleagues Complain About Sydney Sweeney

September 18, 2026

MIND OVER MATTER.

Less recent news

man with tv in garage

Local Bloke’s Old TV Begins Year Long Sentence In Garage Before Eventual Transfer To Rubbish Dump

September 8, 2026

TRANSITION PERIOD.

luxon and hipkins eating

SHOCK POLL: Luxon And Hipkins Spotted Comfort-Eating Sausage Rolls In Parliament Kitchen

September 7, 2026

stressed mum tidying up.

Local Mum Announces Nobody Is Helping While Rejecting Every Offer Of Help

September 5, 2026

dupes flying plane

Pilot Flying Dangerously Low At Cape Town Test Revealed To Be Du’Plessis Kirifi

September 4, 2026

luxon thinking about wahs and waratahs

Third Leadership Challenge On The Cards After Luxon Mixes Up Warriors And Waratahs

September 3, 2026

The Whakataki Times – the backbone of New Zealand’s news.

Quite old news

tamatha paul in front of rental properties in wellington

Tamatha Paul Launches Property Management Company To Help Fellow MPs Manage Their Rentals

September 2, 2026

PROPERTY PATROL.

woman in office with laptop thinking about Outlook

Employee Types “Hope You’re Well” In Email To Colleague She Doesn’t Care About At All

September 1, 2026

man looking in fridge

Man Opens Fridge For Fifth Time In 20 Minutes Hoping New Food Has Appeared

August 28, 2026

luxkins and erica stanford

Erica Stanford’s Social Media Ban Bill Gets Support From Grand Coalition Mutant Chris Luxkins

August 25, 2026

chippy at treasury

Chris Hipkins Asks What A “Surplus” Is And Whether He Can Borrow Money To Buy One

August 24, 2026

Old Boy At Pub Annoyed That He Has Nothing To Complain About

August 23, 2026

man at run club on phone thinking about girl

Local Bloke Enters Early Friend Zone After Getting Called “Mate” Via DM

August 22, 2026

helen clark and beauden barrett

Helen Clark Says Beauden Barrett Should Be Starting At Fullback

August 19, 2026

woman running by beach

Local Woman Getting Into Fitness Now Convinced She Has A Weird Running Style

August 17, 2026

man bowling in hallway imagining bowling batsman out

Bloke Who Hasn’t Played Cricket In A Decade Suddenly Practices Bowling Action In Hallway

August 16, 2026

luxon wtf

National Party Insiders Claim Luxon Briefly Considered Sacking Himself

August 14, 2026

luxon with other mps

National MPs Confirm They Would All Be A Worse Option Than Luxon

August 12, 2026

THIN MARGINS.

luxon using phone in car

Luxon Asks ChatGPT If He Can Still Get A Knighthood If He Gets Rolled

August 11, 2026

WORTH ASKING.

Erica Stanford, Xi Jinping and Kim Jong Un.

Erica Stanford Catches Up With The Lads To Finally Get Her Social Media Ban Sorted

August 10, 2026

CALL THE EXPERTS.

Sport

ben lummis thinking about nrl final

Ben Lummis Confirms He Can Be Ready By NRL Grand Final Day

September 24, 2026

IDOL RETURNS

anonymous man talking about warriors

Man Comes Forward About Watching No Warriors Games All Year And Then Causing Semifinal Loss By Watching It

September 21, 2026

kirifi in hi vis at game

REVEALED: Du’Plessis Kirifi Named As Prime Suspect After Referee Comms Blackout

September 15, 2026

dupes flying plane

Pilot Flying Dangerously Low At Cape Town Test Revealed To Be Du’Plessis Kirifi

September 4, 2026

Old Boy At Pub Annoyed That He Has Nothing To Complain About

August 23, 2026

helen clark and beauden barrett

Helen Clark Says Beauden Barrett Should Be Starting At Fullback

August 19, 2026

HELEN’S RECKONS.

man bowling in hallway imagining bowling batsman out

Bloke Who Hasn’t Played Cricket In A Decade Suddenly Practices Bowling Action In Hallway

August 16, 2026

steaming Duplessis Kirifi

DUPES AT 12: Wellington Lions Confirm “Just Let The Angry Man Loose” Is The Game Plan

August 6, 2026

Angry Kirifi thinking about his all blacks jersey

Overlooked Du’Plessis Kirifi’s Pent Up Rage Expected To Be Released On Hawke’s Bay This Sunday

August 1, 2026

old boy at pub visualising pink and yellow boots on all blacks.

Old Boy At The Pub Says “All Blacks Should Wear Black Boots, None Of This Pink And Yellow Bullshit”

July 19, 2026

woman daydreaming about beauden barrett

Local Woman Demands To Know Where “Her Beauden” Is Following Latest All Blacks Team Naming

July 17, 2026

england fan thinking about argentina win

England Fan Adds Another Layer Of Disappointment To Personality

July 16, 2026

old boy at pub thinking about will jordan try.

Old Boy At Pub Accepts All Blacks Win But Naturally Expects 30 Point Demolitions From Now On

July 5, 2026

young lady daydreaming about ruben love

Female Viewership Of All Blacks Test Set To Surge With Ruben Love Named To Start

July 3, 2026

Tim Payne and Tim Paine

KIWI VICTORY: Tim Payne Now More Famous Than Australia’s Tim Paine Ever Was

June 25, 2026

tim payne thinking about mo salah's instagram.

Tim Payne Says Instagram Is Irrelevant After Seeing Egypt’s Mo Salah’s Follower Count

June 21, 2026

Culture

man in office thinking of sydney sweeney

Office Bloke Nods Politely While Female Colleagues Complain About Sydney Sweeney

September 18, 2026

MIND OVER MATTER.

man on couch thinking about streaming services.

Local Bloke Still Paying Monthly Bills For Three Streaming Services He Doesn’t Use

September 13, 2026

man with tv in garage

Local Bloke’s Old TV Begins Year Long Sentence In Garage Before Eventual Transfer To Rubbish Dump

September 8, 2026

stressed mum tidying up.

Local Mum Announces Nobody Is Helping While Rejecting Every Offer Of Help

September 5, 2026

woman in office with laptop thinking about Outlook

Employee Types “Hope You’re Well” In Email To Colleague She Doesn’t Care About At All

September 1, 2026

man looking in fridge

Man Opens Fridge For Fifth Time In 20 Minutes Hoping New Food Has Appeared

August 28, 2026

MATTER OF FAITH.

man at run club on phone thinking about girl

Local Bloke Enters Early Friend Zone After Getting Called “Mate” Via DM

August 22, 2026

woman running by beach

Local Woman Getting Into Fitness Now Convinced She Has A Weird Running Style

August 17, 2026

man eating burger while still sweating from a run.

WOAP TIME: Wellington Local Goes For Run In Futile Attempt To Counteract Burger Intake

August 5, 2026

couple looking around open home with real estate agent

Local Couple Somehow Have Entire Future Planned Out By End Of 15 Minute House Viewing

July 31, 2026

woman on couch with cup

Local Woman Will Have Cup Of Tea If Husband Is Making One

July 28, 2026

man on train looking out window

Local Maniac Rides Train With No Phone Out, No Headphones, Just His Own Thoughts

July 22, 2026

man having coffee at cafe

Admirable Vegan Man Endures Black Coffee Instead Of Having Oat Milk Like A Coward

July 14, 2026

Couple whispering while real estate agent waits patiently.

Couple Spend Entire Open Home Whispering Different Renovation Ideas To Each Other

July 2, 2026

man getting award and phone with instagram open

Local Man Accepts Community Service Award For Using Social Media To Point Out “AI Slop”

July 1, 2026

go on.. get some pies.

Politics

nicky hager having a coffee outside

Nicky Hager Says Next Year’s Book Will Be Something Light And Cheerful

September 23, 2026

CHANGING THINGS UP.

chris luxon doing his pak n save shopping

Luxon Breaking Up Supermarket Duopoly So He Can Finally Achieve His $60 Weekly Shop

September 16, 2026

green mps stocking shelves

Chlöe Says All Greens MPs Will Be Stocking Shelves At Night In Government-Owned Supermarket

September 14, 2026

mega chris and taxinda 2.0

Chris Luxkins Releases Brand New Humanoid Robot Candidate For Natbour, “Taxinda 2.0”

September 10, 2026

luxon and hipkins eating

SHOCK POLL: Luxon And Hipkins Spotted Comfort-Eating Sausage Rolls In Parliament Kitchen

September 7, 2026

luxon thinking about wahs and waratahs

Third Leadership Challenge On The Cards After Luxon Mixes Up Warriors And Waratahs

September 3, 2026

UNFORGIVABLE.

tamatha paul in front of rental properties in wellington

Tamatha Paul Launches Property Management Company To Help Fellow MPs Manage Their Rentals

September 2, 2026

luxkins and erica stanford

Erica Stanford’s Social Media Ban Bill Gets Support From Grand Coalition Mutant Chris Luxkins

August 25, 2026

chippy at treasury

Chris Hipkins Asks What A “Surplus” Is And Whether He Can Borrow Money To Buy One

August 24, 2026

luxon wtf

National Party Insiders Claim Luxon Briefly Considered Sacking Himself

August 14, 2026

luxon with other mps

National MPs Confirm They Would All Be A Worse Option Than Luxon

August 12, 2026

luxon using phone in car

Luxon Asks ChatGPT If He Can Still Get A Knighthood If He Gets Rolled

August 11, 2026

Erica Stanford, Xi Jinping and Kim Jong Un.

Erica Stanford Catches Up With The Lads To Finally Get Her Social Media Ban Sorted

August 10, 2026

Old boy having a beer with Act in a bubble

CLASSROOM FORCE: Old Boy At The Pub Relives Fond Memories Of Getting The Cane

August 3, 2026

sad chippy with happy henry

Chippy Hipkins Disappointed That Paul Henry Doesn’t Want To Shag Or Marry Him

July 23, 2026

Newly Spawned “Mega Chris” Takes Natbour Campaign On The Road

July 18, 2026