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Top story

stopwatch on plane

Aisle Standers Successfully Shave 0.00 Seconds Off Their Time Taken To Get Off Plane

December 11, 2025

CABIN SCRAMBLERS.

Recent headlines

Chris Luxon and his taylor swift Spotify Wrapped result.

Luxon Shares His Spotify Wrapped Hoping Taylor Swift Will Finally Notice Him

December 4, 2025

cookie time girl with relaxed office worker behind

Bloke Begins Annual Wind-Down The Moment Christmas Cookie Time Girls Enter Office

December 3, 2025

man at computer

Public Servant Introduces Personal Scoring System To Simulate Job Satisfaction

December 1, 2025

man with beer at party

Bloke Who Failed To Bring Beers To Party Now Taking Generous Helpings Of Everyone Else’s

November 30, 2025

News

man enjoying a beer on crate day

Bloke Who Has Never Once Finished His Crate Says This Is “His Year”

December 6, 2025

BIG SHIFT AHEAD.

christs college boy with golden syrup.

Outraged Christ’s College Student Demands To Know What’s Wrong With Liking Golden Syrup

December 5, 2025

STICKY SITUATION.

Less recent news

tradie giving thumbs up by van

Local Tradie Say He’ll “Swing By Tomorrow” Offering Inconvenient 10-Hour Arrival Window

November 25, 2025

WAITING WOES.

man on quad bike thinking about auckland

Bloke Who’s Never Left The West Coast Confident He’d Hate Auckland

November 24, 2025

batsman getting out

Grade Cricketer Reckons He Was ‘Seeing Them Well’ Before Getting Bowled for 2

November 22, 2025

Public Servant Skim-Reads Email That Took Three Days To Write, Review And Sign Off

November 19, 2025

man looking at his phone with large messenger notification

One Person Single-Handedly Responsible For 97% Of Group Chat Activity

November 17, 2025

The Whakataki Times – the backbone of New Zealand’s news.

Quite old news

All Blacks Can’t Even Completely Blame The Score On England’s Lame Boring Drop Goals

November 16, 2025

NARRATIVE RUINED.

police officer smiling in front of two corrupt police officers.

Local Cop Quite Keen For His Bosses To Not Break The Law And Try To Disgracefully Cover It Up

November 13, 2025

balding man in office

Balding Bloke Under Pressure To Shave It All Off Insists He’s “Nowhere Near Being Bald”

November 11, 2025

Te Pati Maori MPs and news headline.

Te Pāti Māori Insiders Convinced One More Parliament Haka Will Get Them Back On Track

November 10, 2025

man at computer desk in open plan office.

MBIE Bloke Receives “Values Shout Out” For Doing Thing He Said He Would Do In An Email

November 6, 2025

Man with horse race behind him and TAB app open on phone.

Local Punter Gears Up for Annual Tradition of Losing Money On Melbourne Cup Day

November 3, 2025

David Seymour confronted by trick or treaters dressed as the capital gains tax.

David Seymour Spooked By Trick Or Treaters Dressed Up As The Capital Gains Tax

October 31, 2025

woman at computer in office.

Local Woman Claims The Short Week Feels Just As Long Because You Have To Fit More In

October 30, 2025

American man looking confused about the all blacks.

All Blacks Travelling To Chicago Hoping They Don’t Expand Global Confusion About Rugby

October 28, 2025

man fishing and thinking about fish and chips.

Man Spends $2k On Fishing Rods And Gets Nothing But Sunburn And Fish And Chips

October 26, 2025

man facepalming after exploding beer in freezer.

Man Suddenly Remembers Beer In Freezer Moments After Mysterious Kitchen Explosion

October 25, 2025

man with beer in office.

Flexible Working Officially Blamed For The Death Of Friday Office Drinks

October 24, 2025

GUILTY AS CHARGED.

te pati maori ripping and burning paper

Te Pāti Māori On The Lookout For New Ways To Destroy Pieces Of Paper They Don’t Like

October 22, 2025

INNOVATORS.

wellingtonian nonplussed by wind.

Hard-Nosed Wellingtonian Describes This Week’s Weather As “Quite Windy Ay”

October 21, 2025

CAN’T BEAT IT ON A GOOD DAY THOUGH.

Sport

stopwatch on plane

Aisle Standers Successfully Shave 0.00 Seconds Off Their Time Taken To Get Off Plane

December 11, 2025

CABIN SCRAMBLERS.

batsman getting out

Grade Cricketer Reckons He Was ‘Seeing Them Well’ Before Getting Bowled for 2

November 22, 2025

All Blacks Can’t Even Completely Blame The Score On England’s Lame Boring Drop Goals

November 16, 2025

Man with horse race behind him and TAB app open on phone.

Local Punter Gears Up for Annual Tradition of Losing Money On Melbourne Cup Day

November 3, 2025

TOTE TRAUMA.

American man looking confused about the all blacks.

All Blacks Travelling To Chicago Hoping They Don’t Expand Global Confusion About Rugby

October 28, 2025

storm fan

NRL GRAND FINAL: New Zealander With Zero Ties To Melbourne Suddenly Becomes Lifelong Storm Fan

October 3, 2025

man watching cricket on couch.

“I’m My Own Man Now”: Local Bloke Enjoys Free To Air Cricket Without Tapping Into Parents’ SkyGo Account

October 1, 2025

man drinking and thinking about roigard and razor

Old Boy At The Pub Adds Cam Roigard To His Good Books But Not Razor

September 28, 2025

aussie fan with VHS tape looking for VCR

Wallabies Fan Searching For VCR Hoping To Watch Australia’s Last Bledisloe Win

September 25, 2025

Wallabies celebrating despite All Blacks winning record

Wallabies Certain This Year Is Different, Despite 23 Years Of It Not Being Different

September 23, 2025

razor angrily thinking about loss.

All Blacks Coaching Staff On High Alert For Any Laughing Or Smiling At Training This Week

September 15, 2025

dejected all blacks

All Blacks Get Their Match Fees Docked For Not Turning Up For Second Half

September 14, 2025

old boy at pub talking about Scott Robertson

Old Boy At The Pub Tells Anyone Who’ll Listen Exactly What He Thinks Of Razor’s All Blacks

September 12, 2025

Culture

man enjoying a beer on crate day

Bloke Who Has Never Once Finished His Crate Says This Is “His Year”

December 6, 2025

BIG SHIFT AHEAD.

christs college boy with golden syrup.

Outraged Christ’s College Student Demands To Know What’s Wrong With Liking Golden Syrup

December 5, 2025

cookie time girl with relaxed office worker behind

Bloke Begins Annual Wind-Down The Moment Christmas Cookie Time Girls Enter Office

December 3, 2025

man at computer

Public Servant Introduces Personal Scoring System To Simulate Job Satisfaction

December 1, 2025

man with beer at party

Bloke Who Failed To Bring Beers To Party Now Taking Generous Helpings Of Everyone Else’s

November 30, 2025

tradie giving thumbs up by van

Local Tradie Say He’ll “Swing By Tomorrow” Offering Inconvenient 10-Hour Arrival Window

November 25, 2025

WAITING WOES.

man on quad bike thinking about auckland

Bloke Who’s Never Left The West Coast Confident He’d Hate Auckland

November 24, 2025

Public Servant Skim-Reads Email That Took Three Days To Write, Review And Sign Off

November 19, 2025

man looking at his phone with large messenger notification

One Person Single-Handedly Responsible For 97% Of Group Chat Activity

November 17, 2025

balding man in office

Balding Bloke Under Pressure To Shave It All Off Insists He’s “Nowhere Near Being Bald”

November 11, 2025

man at computer desk in open plan office.

MBIE Bloke Receives “Values Shout Out” For Doing Thing He Said He Would Do In An Email

November 6, 2025

woman at computer in office.

Local Woman Claims The Short Week Feels Just As Long Because You Have To Fit More In

October 30, 2025

man fishing and thinking about fish and chips.

Man Spends $2k On Fishing Rods And Gets Nothing But Sunburn And Fish And Chips

October 26, 2025

man facepalming after exploding beer in freezer.

Man Suddenly Remembers Beer In Freezer Moments After Mysterious Kitchen Explosion

October 25, 2025

man with beer in office.

Flexible Working Officially Blamed For The Death Of Friday Office Drinks

October 24, 2025

wellingtonian nonplussed by wind.

Hard-Nosed Wellingtonian Describes This Week’s Weather As “Quite Windy Ay”

October 21, 2025

go on.. get some pies.

Politics

Chris Luxon and his taylor swift Spotify Wrapped result.

Luxon Shares His Spotify Wrapped Hoping Taylor Swift Will Finally Notice Him

December 4, 2025

MISSION CREEP.

Te Pati Maori MPs and news headline.

Te Pāti Māori Insiders Convinced One More Parliament Haka Will Get Them Back On Track

November 10, 2025

David Seymour confronted by trick or treaters dressed as the capital gains tax.

David Seymour Spooked By Trick Or Treaters Dressed Up As The Capital Gains Tax

October 31, 2025

te pati maori ripping and burning paper

Te Pāti Māori On The Lookout For New Ways To Destroy Pieces Of Paper They Don’t Like

October 22, 2025

hipkins doing haka in parliament

Attention-Starved Chris Hipkins Planning Labour’s First Parliament Haka

October 17, 2025

Judith Collins with her new govt app

Government Struggling To Explain What’s Inconvenient About Having A Wallet With A Licence In It

October 9, 2025

SOLUTION WITHOUT A PROBLEM

chloe swarbrick with winston in front of smashed window

Swarbrick Relieved It Wasn’t One Of Her MPs Doxxing Winston Or Smashing His Windows

October 8, 2025

Luxon and Hipkins dancing on stage humiliatingly.

Support Growing For Proposed Total Ban On Politicians Dancing In Public

August 17, 2025

hipkins running on wellington waterfront.

Hipkins Joins Trendy New Run Club After Running From Public Inquiry

August 14, 2025

chloe at her desk outside parliament

Chlöe Made To Drag Her Desk Outside And Stop Disrupting The Class

August 13, 2025

Nicola Willis In Charge Of Redesigning National Party Logo To Better Represent Priorities

August 13, 2025

angry Swarbrick with team and team kit

Swarbrick Kicked Out Of Parliament For The Week Now Has No Excuse For Not Washing Team Kit

August 12, 2025

Leigh Hart and Chris Luxon with Snackachangi chips.

National Looks To Quietly Swap Out Luxon With Snackachangi Chips Guy

July 28, 2025

seymour and nicola willis

NICOLA WILLIS DRESSGATE: Seymour Annoyed No One’s Asked About His New Suit From Hallensteins

May 27, 2025

man on the couch and brooke van velden on tv

“WAIT, WHAT?”: Local Bloke Snapped Out Of Couch-Based Doom Scroll By Brooky’s C-Bomb

May 14, 2025

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