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Top story

ardie savea and old boy at pub.

“If Ardie Isn’t Captain, Forget Next Year’s World Cup,” Declares Old Boy At Pub

January 19, 2026

CAPTAIN FANTASTIC.

Recent headlines

scott robertson as part of a christchurch bboy crew

RETALIATION: Razor’s Old Dance Crew Challenges New Zealand Rugby To Battle

January 16, 2026

scott robertson breakdancing as Raygun at the olympics.

RAZOR SACKED: Scott Robertson Finally Free To Pursue Breakdancing Career In Australia

January 15, 2026

Leigh Hart thinking about getting kidnapped by Trump and army

Leigh Hart Clarifies That He’s Not Christopher Luxon Just in Case Trump’s Planning A Kidnap

January 14, 2026

trump with helicopter and luxon hiding under covers

Trump Still Hasn’t Ruled Out Coming To New Zealand In The Middle Of The Night To Kidnap Luxon

January 13, 2026

parents sitting on couch thinking about kids and leave balance

Working Parents Naturally Have Both Their Annual Leave Balances Deleted By School Holidays

January 12, 2026

News

woman at laptop in bank

Local Banker Happily Approves Mortgage As If She Hasn’t Just Created Fake Money Out Of Thin Air

January 19, 2026

GROWS ON TREES.

one eyed cantab, winning crusaders and scott robertson

ONE EYED CANTAB: “Razor Would Never Have Been Sacked If He’d Picked The Entire Crusaders Team”

January 18, 2026

HARD FACTS.

man in pub having beer and scott robertson

Old Boy At Pub Says Razor Was Sacked Because Players “Are All Too Bloody Soft These Days”

January 17, 2026

PUB WISDOM.

Less recent news

man laughing thinking about kids on ipad quietly engaged.

“Parenting’s Easy, Just Give Them The iPad Haha”, Says Bloke Who Doesn’t Have Kids

January 10, 2026

CRACKED IT!

man having beer on sunny day.

Local Bloke Keeps Silly Season Alive With Unscheduled Early Friday Beer At Pub

January 9, 2026

man on deck looking sweaty after run

Man Who Went For Run This Morning Says Legs Are “Sore” But “Good Sore”

January 8, 2026

man laughing with beer at airport

Boarding Call Falls On Deaf Ears Of Bloke Determined To Finish Overpriced Airport Beer

January 7, 2026

man facepalms while child cries

Toddler Decides Today Is A Good Day To Once Again Get His Fingers Jammed In The Door

January 6, 2026

The Whakataki Times – the backbone of New Zealand’s news.

Quite old news

angry boys with cricket bat

REPORT: BYC Growing Quite Tense Between Cousins

January 4, 2026

FAMILY FEUD.

gym bro disgusted by people at gym.

Dedicated Gym Bro Braces For January Flood Of Fakes And Phonies

January 2, 2026

man in backyard with waterblaster

Bored Dad Seen Sniffing Around The Backyard Looking For Things To Waterblast

December 30, 2025

man on couch thinking of fireworks celebration

NO PLANS YET: Local Bloke Still Pretending He’ll Be Invited Somewhere For New Year’s

December 30, 2025

jetstar flight attendant in front of planes

REPORT: Jetstar In Fact Just Another Normal Airline That’s No Better Or Worse Than The Others

December 28, 2025

man looking at powerade bottle in Night n day store.

Local Bloke Leans Into Tomorrow’s Hangover With Pre-Purchased Blue Powerade

December 27, 2025

man out running thinking about xmas food

Man Punishes Self With Excruciating Boxing Day Run After Outrageous Christmas Feast

December 26, 2025

girl getting iphone and boy getting puzzle

Sibling Tension Peaks As One Child Clearly Gets Better Gift

December 25, 2025

mum screaming at christmas

CHRISTMAS LUNCH PREGAME: Local Mum Attempts To Elevate Family’s Stress Levels To Match Hers

December 25, 2025

lad sitting by xmas tree with socks and undies

COMING OF AGE: Local Lad Genuinely Grateful To Get Socks And Undies For Christmas

December 25, 2025

man under pressure in shopping mall.

Last Minute Christmas Shopper Angered By “All The People” Despite Being One Of Them

December 24, 2025

man talking to shop assistant in skincare shop

Bloke Purchasing Skincare Christmas Gift For Girlfriend Nods Along With Shop Assistant Like He’s Across It

December 23, 2025

BLIND AGREEMENT.

man eating pie in front of Night 'n Day shop

Night ’n Day Pie Warms Both Hands And Soul Of Hungover Tradie

December 22, 2025

LIFE SAVED.

woman upset about green message on iphone

iPhone User Rethinking New Acquaintance After First Text Message Was Turned Green

December 21, 2025

ALARM BELLS.

Sport

ardie savea and old boy at pub.

“If Ardie Isn’t Captain, Forget Next Year’s World Cup,” Declares Old Boy At Pub

January 19, 2026

CAPTAIN FANTASTIC.

one eyed cantab, winning crusaders and scott robertson

ONE EYED CANTAB: “Razor Would Never Have Been Sacked If He’d Picked The Entire Crusaders Team”

January 18, 2026

man in pub having beer and scott robertson

Old Boy At Pub Says Razor Was Sacked Because Players “Are All Too Bloody Soft These Days”

January 17, 2026

scott robertson as part of a christchurch bboy crew

RETALIATION: Razor’s Old Dance Crew Challenges New Zealand Rugby To Battle

January 16, 2026

scott robertson breakdancing as Raygun at the olympics.

RAZOR SACKED: Scott Robertson Finally Free To Pursue Breakdancing Career In Australia

January 15, 2026

angry boys with cricket bat

REPORT: BYC Growing Quite Tense Between Cousins

January 4, 2026

FAMILY FEUD.

stopwatch on plane

Aisle Standers Successfully Shave 0.00 Seconds Off Their Time Taken To Get Off Plane

December 11, 2025

batsman getting out

Grade Cricketer Reckons He Was ‘Seeing Them Well’ Before Getting Bowled for 2

November 22, 2025

All Blacks Can’t Even Completely Blame The Score On England’s Lame Boring Drop Goals

November 16, 2025

Man with horse race behind him and TAB app open on phone.

Local Punter Gears Up for Annual Tradition of Losing Money On Melbourne Cup Day

November 3, 2025

American man looking confused about the all blacks.

All Blacks Travelling To Chicago Hoping They Don’t Expand Global Confusion About Rugby

October 28, 2025

storm fan

NRL GRAND FINAL: New Zealander With Zero Ties To Melbourne Suddenly Becomes Lifelong Storm Fan

October 3, 2025

man watching cricket on couch.

“I’m My Own Man Now”: Local Bloke Enjoys Free To Air Cricket Without Tapping Into Parents’ SkyGo Account

October 1, 2025

Culture

woman at laptop in bank

Local Banker Happily Approves Mortgage As If She Hasn’t Just Created Fake Money Out Of Thin Air

January 19, 2026

GROWS ON TREES.

parents sitting on couch thinking about kids and leave balance

Working Parents Naturally Have Both Their Annual Leave Balances Deleted By School Holidays

January 12, 2026

man laughing thinking about kids on ipad quietly engaged.

“Parenting’s Easy, Just Give Them The iPad Haha”, Says Bloke Who Doesn’t Have Kids

January 10, 2026

man having beer on sunny day.

Local Bloke Keeps Silly Season Alive With Unscheduled Early Friday Beer At Pub

January 9, 2026

man on deck looking sweaty after run

Man Who Went For Run This Morning Says Legs Are “Sore” But “Good Sore”

January 8, 2026

man laughing with beer at airport

Boarding Call Falls On Deaf Ears Of Bloke Determined To Finish Overpriced Airport Beer

January 7, 2026

NO PINT LEFT BEHIND.

man facepalms while child cries

Toddler Decides Today Is A Good Day To Once Again Get His Fingers Jammed In The Door

January 6, 2026

gym bro disgusted by people at gym.

Dedicated Gym Bro Braces For January Flood Of Fakes And Phonies

January 2, 2026

man in backyard with waterblaster

Bored Dad Seen Sniffing Around The Backyard Looking For Things To Waterblast

December 30, 2025

man on couch thinking of fireworks celebration

NO PLANS YET: Local Bloke Still Pretending He’ll Be Invited Somewhere For New Year’s

December 30, 2025

jetstar flight attendant in front of planes

REPORT: Jetstar In Fact Just Another Normal Airline That’s No Better Or Worse Than The Others

December 28, 2025

man looking at powerade bottle in Night n day store.

Local Bloke Leans Into Tomorrow’s Hangover With Pre-Purchased Blue Powerade

December 27, 2025

man out running thinking about xmas food

Man Punishes Self With Excruciating Boxing Day Run After Outrageous Christmas Feast

December 26, 2025

girl getting iphone and boy getting puzzle

Sibling Tension Peaks As One Child Clearly Gets Better Gift

December 25, 2025

mum screaming at christmas

CHRISTMAS LUNCH PREGAME: Local Mum Attempts To Elevate Family’s Stress Levels To Match Hers

December 25, 2025

lad sitting by xmas tree with socks and undies

COMING OF AGE: Local Lad Genuinely Grateful To Get Socks And Undies For Christmas

December 25, 2025

go on.. get some pies.

Politics

Chris Luxon and his taylor swift Spotify Wrapped result.

Luxon Shares His Spotify Wrapped Hoping Taylor Swift Will Finally Notice Him

December 4, 2025

MISSION CREEP.

Te Pati Maori MPs and news headline.

Te Pāti Māori Insiders Convinced One More Parliament Haka Will Get Them Back On Track

November 10, 2025

David Seymour confronted by trick or treaters dressed as the capital gains tax.

David Seymour Spooked By Trick Or Treaters Dressed Up As The Capital Gains Tax

October 31, 2025

te pati maori ripping and burning paper

Te Pāti Māori On The Lookout For New Ways To Destroy Pieces Of Paper They Don’t Like

October 22, 2025

hipkins doing haka in parliament

Attention-Starved Chris Hipkins Planning Labour’s First Parliament Haka

October 17, 2025

Judith Collins with her new govt app

Government Struggling To Explain What’s Inconvenient About Having A Wallet With A Licence In It

October 9, 2025

SOLUTION WITHOUT A PROBLEM

chloe swarbrick with winston in front of smashed window

Swarbrick Relieved It Wasn’t One Of Her MPs Doxxing Winston Or Smashing His Windows

October 8, 2025

Luxon and Hipkins dancing on stage humiliatingly.

Support Growing For Proposed Total Ban On Politicians Dancing In Public

August 17, 2025

hipkins running on wellington waterfront.

Hipkins Joins Trendy New Run Club After Running From Public Inquiry

August 14, 2025

chloe at her desk outside parliament

Chlöe Made To Drag Her Desk Outside And Stop Disrupting The Class

August 13, 2025

Nicola Willis In Charge Of Redesigning National Party Logo To Better Represent Priorities

August 13, 2025

angry Swarbrick with team and team kit

Swarbrick Kicked Out Of Parliament For The Week Now Has No Excuse For Not Washing Team Kit

August 12, 2025

Leigh Hart and Chris Luxon with Snackachangi chips.

National Looks To Quietly Swap Out Luxon With Snackachangi Chips Guy

July 28, 2025

seymour and nicola willis

NICOLA WILLIS DRESSGATE: Seymour Annoyed No One’s Asked About His New Suit From Hallensteins

May 27, 2025

man on the couch and brooke van velden on tv

“WAIT, WHAT?”: Local Bloke Snapped Out Of Couch-Based Doom Scroll By Brooky’s C-Bomb

May 14, 2025

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