GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local
Lochie Jansen, a 30 year old “business analyst” at ACC, has opted for a change of pace today.
With the Prime Minister’s announcement that Wellington’s public servants will all be “going back to the office”, Jansen is proactively getting used to doing his questionable job in town instead of at home.
“Quite a strange feeling because I generally don’t have that much work to do,” he said to reporters this morning.
“Normally at home I’d get everything done that I’d been asked to, and then I’d just chill, maybe watch a few Youtube videos. But what am I supposed to do in the office? Gotta find ways to look busy!” he laughed.
Jansen has reported that he has a selection of spreadsheets he has open on his screens at all times, along with a Microsoft Teams chat window. He also makes sure he is wearing his Jabra headphones at all times, with the hands-free microphone in position.
“I’ve identified that it is important to always look as if you’re on a call. Even if you’re not saying anything at your desk, just nod and say ‘yep, agree with that’ periodically,” he said knowledgeably.
When asked what he thought of the new directive from the Prime Minister, Jansen seemed unfazed.
“Just got to embrace change in an evolving environment, right? Quite interesting that Luxon wants to make public servants more ‘productive’ though. Like, what does he even mean by that? What do we produce?
“I think at the end of the day I just need to look busy and presentable, and I should be sweet.”
Jansen would not commit to the government’s goal of saving Wellington’s business community by buying cups of coffee. “Well, I don’t really have to buy coffee right? I can just drink instant in the office, which is paid for. Unless there’s going to be an org-wide KPI on how many coffees I buy?
“Anyway, I better go. Got a pretty important hui in five minutes,” he lied.
More to come.
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