KASSIE MACKAY | Culture
“NO CHRISTMAS CHEER HERE”
Green Party Co-Leader Chloe Swarbrick was reportedly in tears this morning after learning that her plans for a very green Christmas had turned to compost.
Swarbrick resolved to lead by example this festive season, by showing friends and family that it was indeed possible to celebrate Christmas without it costing the earth. Those close to the political young gun say this meant planting a tree instead of putting one in her house, wrapping gifts in salvaged fabric, and hanging up stockings made with state-of-the art compostable fibre.
Swarbrick “really put in the effort this year to show us that being green wasn’t about being mean at the holidays. We all got some really interesting gifts,” according to one unnamed source.
“I would never have thought to buy myself a lifetime supply of beeswax wraps.”
But the positive benefits of green giving might have been forgotten by Aotearoa’s greenest parliamentarian this morning. Surrounded by her loved ones, she allegedly watched as the stocking she had carefully hung on her family hearth quickly transformed into an unremarkable pile of organic matter.
Those on the scene say it was difficult to watch, as much of the stocking’s contents were yet to be emptied.
“As she scooped up the dirty mess, the lump of coal that her dad got her as a joke could be seen on the top of the pile. Chloe didn’t laugh.”
The people for whom Swarbrick had hung matching compostable stockings were not available to comment on the longevity of their gift receptacles, but no other spontaneous compostings were reported at the time of publication.
More to come.
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