GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture
FOR THE LONG HAUL
Caleb Rowling, a 28 year old data analyst, hit a major milestone in his quest for self-improvement this week – reaching week 3 of going to the gym without dramatically chucking it all in.
The young man from Palmerston North has previously used the early January period to make bold proclamations about changes he wants to make, ranging in theme from health to career progression.
Unlike other years, this time Caleb has committed $6.99 per week to the basic gym membership offered by City Fitness, saying he would be “building muscle and burning fat” three times a week from now on.
“I’ve hit rock bottom and the only way is up,” he said, claiming he has never been fatter or more unfit than he is now. Sources close to Caleb say this wasn’t helped by him “really enjoying his food and beers” over Christmas.
“This year’s different though and I’ve kept my word so far. A total of seven gym visits for 2025 already,” he said, letting slip a very slight glow of pride.
“And yep, I know it’s only been two weeks, not very long. But Edmund Hillary started with a single step when he climbed up Everest, didn’t he?”
While most people around him are offering support and encouragement, it’s clear some of Caleb’s family members are not immune to the dreaded ‘tall poppy syndrome’. Cousin Blaine, 31, unhelpfully pointed out that he’s heard it all before, and that Caleb’s failed to persist in previous endeavours.
“Oh here we go again, Caleb with his big resolutions. All talk and no action,” he typed smugly onto Instagram, despite never really reaching his own potential in life.
Caleb is not worried about the blowback however, as he has consumed so many hours of mindset-related Youtube content, he had a premeditated response locked and loaded.
“Got to learn to love your haters! And remember, the hate never comes from above, it always comes from below.”
More to come.
This story was brought to you by the good bastards at Fat Bastard Pies. Order some of their hefty pies online and have them delivered fresh overnight, anywhere in NZ.
