ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture
BRUISED EGO
What was meant to be a wholesome celebration of Declan O’Toole’s 27th birthday turned into something more closely resembling the opening scene of Saving Private Ryan, after a rogue decision to kick things off with paintball.
The Christchurch man, who works in sales and “still kinda rates himself as athletic”, arrived at his own birthday dinner Saturday evening covered in bruises, welts, and the unmistakable aura of someone who’d been betrayed by his closest friends.
“Oh look it was meant to be banter,” said O’Toole, limping slightly as he entered Original Sin bar in a jacket zipped all the way up. “Just a bit of fun before drinks. But then one of the guys started calling it a ‘hostile takeover’ and took things way too far.”
“He brought this on himself,” said friend Jordan McRae, still visibly pleased with the 8–10 direct hits he landed on O’Toole’s back.
“Oi show everyone the bruises Declan!” McRae yelled, laughing and pointing at his friend who looked like he’d just been at the bottom of a ruck.
Despite his condition, O’Toole remained upbeat through the evening, occasionally wincing when hugged or clapped on the shoulder.
“Honestly, I think it’s one of the best birthdays I’ve had,” he lied unconvincingly, clutching an espresso martini with a shaking hand. “Next year we’ll probably just do mini golf though.”
More to come.
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