Media Reveal “Prominent New Zealander” Is Male, Finally Ruling Out Suzy Cato

Suzy Cato with news snippets.

ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National

NOT HER TIME

Beloved children’s entertainer Suzy Cato is breathing a sigh of relief today.

It came when the media officially confirmed that the “Prominent New Zealander” with name suppression is male, dramatically narrowing down the list of potential suspects and providing immediate relief to fans of You and Me and Suzy’s World.

“Oh such a relief,” Cato told reporters as she did dangerously wholesome things like painting children’s pictures and straightening children’s books on the bookshelf, as opposed to large scale crimes.

“It has been a hectic few days, I got a message from someone asking if I’d turned to a life of crime out of boredom. But I’m still flat out doing birthday shout-outs for seven-year-olds and making worm farms with old yoghurt containers,” she said, putting the finishing touches on a painting as well.

Meanwhile in Wellington, the man who appeared via audio-visual link in court this morning has not entered pleas to eight charges that remain tightly suppressed, along with anything about his identity. 

The suppression has meant many well known male D-list celebrities, rugby players that have played a handful of NPC games, and any former contestants on NZ Idol all have the spotlight on them for now.

Cato again explained her hectic lifestyle ruled her out of turning to criminal acts.

“Honestly, I’ve been so busy making googly eyed puppets out of socks that I wouldn’t even have time for a white-collar crime,” Cato said, while opening up the book The Very Hungry Caterpillar.

The Whakataki Times can also confirm that the general New Zealand public would be deeply disappointed if the person at the centre of the case turned out to be a long-forgotten talent show contestant, a semi-professional rugby player who played four Super Rugby matches in 2009, or a man barely known for a small cameo appearance on Shortland Street in 2004.

More to come. 

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