ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport
SALARY SIN-BIN
The All Blacks have woken up this morning to find their bank accounts a bit lighter.
Many players initially assumed it was a banking glitch or some kind of error, until they realized the truth: half of their match fees had been docked for essentially not turning up for the second half of last night’s rugby match against South Africa.
The All Blacks had led 10-7 at halftime, seemingly on track for a respectable performance, before the second half descended into what most rugby pundits are calling “a masterclass in passive surrender.” Over 40 minutes in the second half, they conceded 36 unanswered points, losing 43-10 which is the largest defeat in the All Blacks’ storied history by 33 points.
“The match fee dock was unavoidable,” said the All Blacks accountant, barely suppressing a laugh. “Technically, they were contracted to play the full 80 minutes. When they treated the second half as optional, our job became very easy. All 23 of the players have had their match fees halved, which is only logical.”
“We tried to be sympathetic, really we did. We even considered docking a quarter of the fee instead, but then remembered they basically vanished for 40 minutes. There was no halfway moral ground, they were either playing or not playing, and clearly, the second half was a firm ‘not playing.’
An unnamed All Blacks player, speaking on condition of anonymity, admitted, “I woke up and checked my account and thought, ‘Wait… did I get hacked?’ Then I remembered the second half against the Boks last night.. and yep, it all made sense to me.”
Fans are also reportedly seeking a refund of half the cost of their ticket prices, due to only getting to see one decent half of rugby from the team they paid to watch.
More to come.
