ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport
SLED AHEAD
Jarrod Kearney, 30, from Wellington, has officially declared what he insists the entire world has been missing: Hyrox. “I used to chase PRs on wall balls with CrossFit. Now I chase glory across 8 kilometers and eight brutal stations. Hyrox is what fitness was always meant to be.”
Fresh from competing at the Hyrox competition in Auckland over the weekend, which he let all of his friend groups know about by plastering it across his social media channels, Kearney now can’t stop talking about training for his next Hyrox competition and how it is the most elite level of fitness.
“It’s simple but brutal,” he said. “You run a kilometer, smash a workout station, repeat eight times. It tests your endurance, strength, and cardio. CrossFit doesn’t compare to this.
“I just want people to feel the same revelation I did,” Jarrod explained, slamming a sandbag onto the floor for emphasis. “CrossFit was fun, but it was a chaotic circus. Hyrox is fitness distilled—run, lift, repeat, repeat, repeat… eight times. You can’t fake it. You can’t cheat. You either do it, or you cry in the corner.”
Friends of Kearney have noticed the transformation. “He used to be insufferable when talking about CrossFit a decade ago” said a former gym buddy, who requested anonymity. “Now he’s just punishing us with all this Hyrox stuff. Honestly, it looks kinda similar. Just another cult really.”
Kearney himself acknowledges that Hyrox isn’t for everyone. “It’s definitely tough,” he said. “I wouldn’t say it’s easy, but that’s the point. It pushes you in a way nothing else does. CrossFit has its place, but Hyrox really makes you see what your body can do.”
More to come.
