GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National
DON’T FORGET TO STRETCH!
With the Government’s imminent move to the orange traffic light setting, clubbers are delighted to be allowed to hit the d floors again this weekend. However ACC Head of Injury Prevention Isaac Carter is predicting a spike in ACL knee injuries due to lack of coordination and muscle inactivation.
“The most important thing to remember if you’re out on the piss this weekend is to firstly get on the ACC website and find a good dynamic warmup”, said Carter as he began scrolling through the site on his phone.
“That two-step you used to do back in 2019 might have been easy back then, but if you’re out of practice, all those muscles around the knee could very likely be weakened”.
Jay Holland, 27, a long time nightclubber on Auckland’s Viaduct Harbour was beside himself with happiness with club-goers set to be welcomed through the doors again.
“Woooo! Can’t wait to cut some vicious shapes like the absolute weapon that I am” laughed the goofy cyber security analyst.
With nightclubs finally being freed from the red traffic light setting around New Zealand, the over the top dancing is expected to end in tears, major surgery and many months of rehabilitation.
Holland explained to the Whakataki Times reporters that he was preparing for a late night hospital visit after a likely knee blowout at the Viaduct’s Dr Rudi’s. “I mean, hopefully not! I’ll do the warmups and the stretches, but once I’ve had ALL THE BEERS, who knows what will happen!”, said the self-proclaimed loose c—.
The Whakataki Times has confirmed that ACC’s frontline staff will be doing an awareness drive on Courtney Place this Friday afternoon, giving out warmup brochures and branded drink bottles.
More to come.
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