ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport
NARRATIVE RUINED
For years, the All Blacks have enjoyed a comforting safety blanket whenever playing England, with the certainty that should the match go pear-shaped, they could simply point at the opposition’s “lame, soul-crushing, anti-rugby” drop goals and walk away with dignity intact and the scoreline genuinely close.
But after England’s 33–19 win at Twickenham this morning, that cherished coping mechanism has suffered severe structural damage.
“Look, we want to blame the drop goals,” said one shell-shocked All Blacks fan outside the stadium. “They kicked two, which is already two too many. But then… then they started scoring actual tries. What are we supposed to do with that? They played the game like it was meant to be played and beat us in a convincing fashion!”
England’s attacking effort was particularly upsetting to Kiwi sensibilities, as it suggested England had the gall to possess both creativity and functioning attack systems.
In fact they scored four tries to the All Blacks three, meaning they didn’t solely rely on lame penalties or drop goals on their way to a convincing 14 point win.
“It’s strangely surprising but also very frustrating,” muttered another Kiwi fan wearing a 2011 World Cup jersey. “If they’re scoring more tries than us, how do we make fun of them even when they do win?”
“I’ve been blaming English drop goals since 2003 and Johnny Wilkinson, and now this new England crop have genuinely beaten Razor’s All Blacks by scoring more tries than us? This wouldn’t have happened under Ian Foster!”
More to come.
