Millennial Accepts Old Age After Only Being Able To Recognise Dave Dobbyn’s Name In RnV Lineup
WHO THE HELL IS ICE SPICE?
34-year old Hamish Bevan finally accepted reality today, after bearing witness to a bewildering lineup announcement for Rhythm and Vines.
Local Man Definitely Going To Start Paying For TVNZ Content That’s Currently Free
WHAT COST OF LIVING CRISIS?
Logan Durran, a 29 year old customer service operator from New Plymouth, is a regular user of TVNZ+, a free streaming app he uses for light entertainment.
McKenzie Blames Shot Clock For Missing Team Bus
TIME MANAGEMENT.
All Blacks goal kicker Damian McKenzie has been forced to apologise to his teammates for missing the bus from San Diego, following their match against Fiji. McKenzie had to make his own way to Los Angeles airport, a 210 km journey.
Raygun Writing 10,000 Word Essay About Why She Deserved More Than Zero Points
HITTING THE BOOKS.
After going viral with her polarising breaking routine at the Paris Olympics, B-girl Raygun has returned to what she does best – writing convoluted academic essays about urban culture.
Razor May Be Replaced by Raygun if All Blacks Don’t Win Rugby Championship
HOO HEY RACHEL RAY.
Scott “Razor” Robertson might soon be ousted from his throne if performances don’t improve. His potential replacement? None other than Rachael “Raygun” Gunn, the most talked about breakdancer in the world.
All Blacks Forced To Watch Australian Woman Breakdance As Punishment For Losing
THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU’VE DONE.
All Blacks coach Scott “Razor” Robertson has taken an unorthodox approach to motivate his team after their shocking 38-30 loss to Argentina in Wellington last night.
Bloke Who’s Done Nothing But Sit On The Couch Watching Olympics Reckons He Could Make L.A In 2028
SURELY..
Will Baker, an armchair critic of epic proportions, believes that despite not competing in any form of competitive sport since high school, he could qualify for the Los Angeles summer games in 2028.
Millennial Mum Feels Personally Attacked By Three Year Old Son Who “Hates The Wiggles”
HOT POTATO.
When Joanne Wade had her first son Xavier, she often had pleasant daydreams about how she could relive her own childhood with him, once he was a bit older.
Jake The Muss Keen To Give Women’s Boxing A Go
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Sport NO JAKE! Jake “The Muss” Heke, well known for his violence against women, believes he has a real chance at Olympic women’s boxing in 2028. The ‘Once Were Warriors’ star made the announcement after seeing a controversial fight between Italian boxer Angela Carini and Algerian Imane Khelif. Carini quit the match […]
Passing Mention Of Rugby Sevens Sends Woman Back To Being Drunk In Wellington Wearing A Toga
GLORY DAYS.
For Tara Peattie, the mere mention of the women’s rugby sevens team clinching gold against Canada at the Paris Olympics was enough to send her spiralling into a haze of nostalgia.
