“Just Look At That Would Ya” Says Man For The Tenth Time While Admiring Own Lawn
EYE CANDY.
Dave Nixon, 38, from Christchurch, has spent the better part of his Saturday afternoon pacing back and forth in his front yard.
‘It’s Been A Long Week, Hasn’t It?’ Says Man Subtly Attempting To Rally The Troops For Work Drinks
LIQUID MOTIVATION.
Ben Bayliss, 28, of Christchurch, was not in a mood to let anyone finish their Friday and just go straight home after work.
Local Teen Helps With Teacher Shortage By Wagging School
ANYTHING TO SUPPORT THE EDUCATORS.
One conscientious kid is today patting herself on the back, having alleviated Aotearoa’s teacher shortage by skipping school altogether.
Chris Luxon Pressing Pharmac To Fund Treatment For Tall Poppy Syndrome
NO KNOWN CURE.
Prime Minister Christopher Luxon has a tall order for New Zealand’s Crown subsidiser of pharmaceutical products this week.
New Mum Exhausted By Colleague Who Insists On Comparing Child With Puppy
NO, SHE DIDN’T COME OUT OF YOU.
After returning from maternity leave this week, Georgia Montag is already hanging out for a holiday.
Career-Minded Public Servant All Over The Optional Lunchtime Waiata Practice
KEY PERFORMANCE INDICATOR.
Lauren McDonald has made a splash in front of key senior managers today. The policy advisor at the Ministry of Education clearly has her eyes on the prize, being the first one to turn up to the optional lunch time waiata practice.
Hungover Woman Who Arrived Home at 4AM Guilt-Cleans House To Pretend She Has It Together
FRESH START.
Gabrielle Shaw, a 26-year-old Wellington woman, awoke this morning to the cruel reality of blinding sunlight combined with haunting flashbacks of a night on Courtenay Place.
Grade Cricketer’s Masterclass Shadow Batting Nothing Like His Actual Defence
WORK IN PROGRESS.
Nathan Jones’s incredible shadow batting skill is often a complete contrast to his actual performance on the field.
Local Bloke Out for Jog Instinctively Sidesteps Imaginary Defender
MUSCLE MEMORY.
Hagley Park regulars were treated to another masterclass in nostalgic footwork today.
44-Year-Old Lawyer Finding It Quite Difficult To Get Away With Shoplifting These Days
CAN’T CATCH A BREAK.
A middle-aged Aucklander who happens to be a qualified lawyer has been having a run of bad luck lately.
