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Slice Of Heaven Song Fails To Ease Hellish Reality For Man On Hold To IRD

man on phone with IRD and dave dobbyn in background.

EVEN DAVE CAN’T SAVE.

After close to an hour on hold with the IRD, Andrew Young, 32, has lost all sense of time, space, and faith in bureaucratic efficiency.

Tory Whanau Calculating How Many Cars She Needs To Sell To Avoid Government Intervention

tory whanau with tina from turners and chris luxon

TORY FROM TURNERS.

Wellington Mayor Tory Whanau has been working overtime today—not at City Hall, but at Turner’s Cars.

Proven Thief And Liar Still Believes She Could Get A Job As A Lawyer

golriz in court with security footage

TAKE THE L AND MOVE ON.

Former Green MP Golriz Ghahraman, who is a household name in New Zealand for all the wrong reasons, insists that despite her recent run-ins with the law, she still harbours dreams of a future in the legal profession.

Nickelback Relieved They Were Never Cool Enough To Be Invited To Any Diddy Parties

Chad Kroeger holding up photograph of Diddy party

GORDON LIGHTFOOT | World LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH The widely ridiculed band of the 2000s, Nickelback are counting their blessings in 2024.  While lead singer Chad Kroeger had felt left out at the time, he and his band mates are now quite pleased they didn’t get the invite to any of Sean “P Diddy” Combs’ […]

‘Might As Well Turn Back’ – Grade Cricketer Again Dismissed Before Girlfriend Arrives To Watch

cricket batsman walking back after being bowled out and girlfriend receiving text about it

EARLY EXIT. 

Third-division cricketer Mitchell Sinclair, 31, found himself in an all-too-familiar situation on Saturday at Hagley Oval.

Wife Sick Of Husband Sidestepping Around The House Kicks Him Out To Go Play For The Kiwis

shaun johnson sidestepping in hallway with wife in foreground

JUST GET OUT!

Kayla Johnson, a former Silver Fern based in Auckland, has taken the drastic step of kicking her husband out of the house, due to his disruptive behaviour in the lounge and hallway.

Navy Agrees That Investing In Affordable GPS May Have Saved Them A Hundred Million Dollars

navy captain thinking about gps with sinking ship in the background

AVOIDING REEFS AND BUDGET GRIEF.

The Royal New Zealand Navy is reevaluating its priorities after the hydrographic survey ship HMNZS Manawanui went from proudly sailing the Pacific to becoming a new underwater feature off the coast of Samoa.

Tui Devastated That Local Woman Who’s Never Drunk Beer Doesn’t Like Their Ad

woman in front of tui billboard

WHAT WILL WE DO?!

DB Breweries Marketing Director Fraser Shrimpton woke up in a cold sweat this morning at around 3.30 AM.

Invercargill Pie Shop Under Fire For Fat-Shaming Themselves

Ruby at Fat Bastard Pies bakery

CANCELLED.

“Fat Bastard Pies”, the unconventionally named bakery based in Invercargill is facing allegations of “fat-shaming” from a group of Wellington tourists.

TVNZ Swapping Gregg’s Original Blend For Pams Cafe Roast

tvnz HQ with instant coffee packets in front

COST CUTTING.

After a tense 1 o’clock  all staff meeting today, employees at TVNZ were somewhat relieved to survive another day at the struggling station.

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DISCLAIMER: NZ satire and NZ comedy have a long tradition. The Whakataki Times is a satirical news meme website, which means the stories and memes are made up for comedic effect.