Oasis Back Together But Still No Clear Signs Of A Comeback From Ben Lummis
CAN’T TAKE THAT AWAY
While fans scramble to secure tickets and relive their youth with the announcement Oasis is making a comeback after 15 years, another name has surfaced in the conversation—though not for the reasons one might expect.
Beervana Activates Hordes Of Men Confidently Swaggering Through Central Wellington
MUST BE SOMETHING ON.
The citizens of Wellington could tell that something was up yesterday, after multiple sightings of confident-looking men walking in groups were reported to authorities.
Facebook Memories Unrelenting In Reminding Bloke How Cringe He Was At 18
GHOSTS OF A DOUBLE BROWN PAST.
Matt Yates, 34, was thrown a curveball this morning.
The father of two, devoted husband to Nicola, did his usual morning routine of chasing kids around the house and attempting to enjoy a cup of cold coffee.
Millennial Accepts Old Age After Only Being Able To Recognise Dave Dobbyn’s Name In RnV Lineup
WHO THE HELL IS ICE SPICE?
34-year old Hamish Bevan finally accepted reality today, after bearing witness to a bewildering lineup announcement for Rhythm and Vines.
Local Man Definitely Going To Start Paying For TVNZ Content That’s Currently Free
WHAT COST OF LIVING CRISIS?
Logan Durran, a 29 year old customer service operator from New Plymouth, is a regular user of TVNZ+, a free streaming app he uses for light entertainment.
McKenzie Blames Shot Clock For Missing Team Bus
TIME MANAGEMENT.
All Blacks goal kicker Damian McKenzie has been forced to apologise to his teammates for missing the bus from San Diego, following their match against Fiji. McKenzie had to make his own way to Los Angeles airport, a 210 km journey.
Raygun Writing 10,000 Word Essay About Why She Deserved More Than Zero Points
HITTING THE BOOKS.
After going viral with her polarising breaking routine at the Paris Olympics, B-girl Raygun has returned to what she does best – writing convoluted academic essays about urban culture.
Razor May Be Replaced by Raygun if All Blacks Don’t Win Rugby Championship
HOO HEY RACHEL RAY.
Scott “Razor” Robertson might soon be ousted from his throne if performances don’t improve. His potential replacement? None other than Rachael “Raygun” Gunn, the most talked about breakdancer in the world.
All Blacks Forced To Watch Australian Woman Breakdance As Punishment For Losing
THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU’VE DONE.
All Blacks coach Scott “Razor” Robertson has taken an unorthodox approach to motivate his team after their shocking 38-30 loss to Argentina in Wellington last night.
Bloke Who’s Done Nothing But Sit On The Couch Watching Olympics Reckons He Could Make L.A In 2028
SURELY..
Will Baker, an armchair critic of epic proportions, believes that despite not competing in any form of competitive sport since high school, he could qualify for the Los Angeles summer games in 2028.
