“Man That Smells Good” – Local Man Cooks Onions And Accepts Outsized Compliments On Cooking Ability
LIVING A LIE.
Matt Smyth, 34, had previously avoided all responsibility at shared gatherings for years at his flat. But on Saturday night, at his flatmate Sarah’s birthday barbecue, everything changed.
Women Of Wellington Devastated To Find Out David Seymour Is Off The Market
HEARTBREAK KID.
The progressive-minded women of Wellington were blindsided this morning with the news that ACT party leader David Seymour has had a secret girlfriend for the last two years.
IShowSpeed Snubs Prime Minister By Doing Backflip Over Him
THE LUXON LEAP
IShowSpeed has taken New Zealand by storm this week in a whirlwind tour that has left Kiwis both baffled and bemused.
RAZOR’S WISHLIST: Scott Robertson Asks Santa For Enough Japanese Yen To Buy Back Richie Mo’unga
SLEIGH FULL OF YEN.
All Blacks coach Scott “Razor” Robertson was spotted perched on Santa’s knee at Christchurch’s Northlands Mall today, clutching a handwritten wishlist. Top of the list: “Enough Japanese yen to buy Richie Mo’unga back.”
Christchurch Newcomer Desperately Joins Multiple Social Clubs To Compensate For Zero Local School History
SCHOOLING THE SYSTEM.
Sophie Cooper, a happy go-lucky go-getter had no idea her lack of Christchurch school history would leave her on the fringes of the city’s social circles.
Patch Ban Extended To Include Logos Of Expensive Cross Fit Gyms
CRACK DOWN CONTINUES.
Sophie Campbell, a 27-year-old CrossFit enthusiast, found herself in hot water today after unwittingly becoming one of the first people targeted under New Zealand’s newly enacted gang patch ban.
REINVIGORATING THE CAPITAL: Wellington Mayor Secretly Hoped Hikoi Would Turn Into Three Week Stay
ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY GUTTED.
Wellington Mayor Tory Whanau is reportedly heartbroken after the hikoi that swept through the capital this week wrapped up in a single day.
BIG TURNOUT: Executives At TVNZ Consulting David Seymour On How To Attract An Audience
VIEWERS ON DEMAND.
TVNZ executives have reportedly turned to the unlikeliest of consultants to help with their ratings woes – ACT Party leader David Seymour.
Seymour Set To Revitalise Wellington Hospo Industry By Attracting 30,000 Visitors To The Capital
FULL STEAM AHEAD!
ACT leader David Seymour is being cheered by Wellington cafe and bar owners today, as tomorrow’s hikoi into the city is likely to provide a much needed boost to small businesses.
RICCARTON RACES: Woman’s Flawless Race Day Pic Doesn’t Capture The Fact She Was Quietly Steamed At 8:11am
FULLY SENDING IT.
Christchurch woman Loren Ashley, 26, appeared the picture of elegance in her latest Instagram post, posing at the Riccarton Races in a stunning dress, matching fascinator, and meticulously applied makeup.
