Local Piss Head Who Says “I’ll Be Fine If I Stick To The Beers” Definitely Won’t Be Fine

man with beer enjoying life



In a classic case of misguided confidence, a man from Hastings is adamant that he will have a perfectly controlled night out at the Cru Bar by sticking to just beer and avoiding spirits. 

Experts predict that this plan will inevitably backfire, resulting in a night of chaos and a painful hangover the next day.

Meet Dave, a self-proclaimed “hearty drinker” who firmly believes that as long as he stays away from the “strong stuff,” he’ll be able to maintain composure throughout the evening. 

“Trust me, I know what I’m doing,” Dave said with a smirk, holding a pint of beer like it was his ultimate shield against intoxication.

Dave’s friends, who will remain safely anonymous, weren’t as optimistic about his plan. “Dave says this every time, but by the end of the night, he’ll be doing shots. Guarantee it,” one friend revealed. 

Despite the fair warning, Dave is resolute in his belief that he’ll be the exception to the age-old rule of beer-only moderation. “It’s all about discipline,” he proclaimed. “I can handle my beer. It’s the hard stuff that’ll getcha.”

As the night unfolds, witnesses expect the scenario to play out just as it has countless times before. Dave will start with a couple of beers, calm and collected, but as the hours tick by and the bar becomes more lively, so will Dave. The temptation of the sweet mixed spirit menu will become too much to resist.

Friends predict it will start with, “Oh kay yep, just one,” or the classic “Just a small one.” Then he’ll find himself swaying to the beat of the music with a double vodka cranberry.

The next day, Dave will wake up with yet another monstrous hangover, where he’ll be forced to question life, while clutching his throbbing head and vowing never to repeat the same mistake again. At least until next week.

More to come. 

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