ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport
WON’T MAKE IT PAST THE HAKA!
Kieran Larson foolishly thinks he’s in it for the long haul this evening.
Cracking open his first Steinlager Pure at his mate Jimmy’s house at around four o’clock this afternoon, the 23 year-old drain layer from Christchurch appears to be under the impression that he will remain cohesive until the All Blacks kickoff against South Africa at 3:05am.
“Gee, can’t wait for this one. The boys are gonna be up for this after the Irish series. Could be Fozzie’s last game in charge too!” Larson said, sculling back the last half of his sixth drink before reaching into his box for another.
As he tried to crack open his next drink by flicking the cap off with another bottle, our reporters spoke to his best friend Jimmy Jones who gave his take on the likelihood of Kieran staying up for the first test.
“He’s probably going to pike around 11pm. I saw him rock up with a 24 pack of Steinys and I’m thinking gee, he’ll put back the first 12 in the first four or so hours, then it’s all downhill from there for him. Even if he made it until 3am, does he actually think he’ll make it past the haka?”
Talking in an unnecessarily loud voice, Larson also took the time to detail his thoughts on the state of the current All Blacks side to our reporters.
“Why aren’t they starting Richie Mo’unga, and Sam Cane isn’t even the best player in his position! Dane Coles on the bench too. Oi Jimmy, do you reckon they should be starting Beaudy!?”
As our reporters tried to quiz Larson on how many drinks he’s actually had, along with offering him some savouries that had just come out of the oven, they couldn’t get a word in.
“What haka do you reckon they’ll do? Kapa o Pango or Ka Mate? It means business when they do Kapa o Pango. They need TJ back in there leading it!”
More to come.
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