KASSIE MACKAY | Crime
NOTHING ELSE EXPLAINS THIS BEHAVIOUR
A 9-year-old British Shorthair was found guilty today of scratching his owner’s arm, in an incident which is being treated as an instance of far-right terrorism.
Boots, the grey “floof” from Kelburn, was witnessed rolling around on his back at around 8am this morning, ostensibly inviting his owner, Kitty Humphries, to give him a rub. Unfortunately for Humphries, Boots’s invitation was revoked mid-scritch and quickly turned violent.
“He just grabbed me,” recalls Humphries, “he got this glazed look in his eyes and pierced his claws right into my arm.”
The incident came as a shock to Humphries, who was left wondering why her normally docile female companion would launch such an attack. Flatmates who witnessed the scene were equally as horrified, calling it “distressing” and “unprecedented.”
One of those flatmates, who does not wish to be named, happens to be an experienced security consultant whose clients include government agencies around the world.
“I realised as the event unfolded that what I was seeing could be part of an emerging trend. I wouldn’t be surprised if this particular pet had fallen victim to online mis- and disinformation.”
According to the unnamed flatmate, “far right trolls” have been known to acquire feline companions. It is believed the cats’ narcissistic and unpredictable nature, their devil-may-care attitude and general lack of remorse, make them attractive partners for those affiliated with anti-social organisations.
Having been caught red-pawed, there remains no doubt of Boots’s guilt in today’s scratch attack. As investigations into the motive of the attack continue, Humphries is in no doubt of her flatmate’s hunch.
“Why else would Boots have turned on me like that?”
More to come.
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