Chippy Hipkins Reckons The Fart Tax Would Actually Burn Quite Well On His Policy Bonfire

Chippy Hipkins thinking about burning the fart tax on policy bonfire at parliament



As Chippy Hipkins’ bonfire of unpopular policies gets bigger, and support goes up for Labour, the young man from Upper Hutt is on the lookout for more rubbish to cast out into the inferno. 

Sources close to the government have overheard Hipkins talking about the big pile of unwanted waste burning on Parliament grounds, where he allegedly made a comment about the fart tax being something that would “burn quite well”. 

The proposed tax on emissions would somehow calculate the methane and carbon dioxide each farmer in New Zealand creates, and charge them a fee based on that. This would obviously make the price of meat and dairy go up, as all farmers would be forced to raise prices to cover their losses.  

With most kiwis ranking their concern about cost of living much higher than their concern about the climate, the fart tax would likely be another popular choice to be burned to a crisp. 

Wellington fitness enthusiast and meat-eater Johnno Anderson says he would welcome the new addition to the burning pile of garbage. “Meat’s quite expensive already and I eat beef every day. Keto diet, you know?” said the athletic carnivore. 

“Not sure why you would hang on to a policy that is going to make the cost of living go up instead of down. Especially if you actually want people to vote for you.

“Also, you don’t mess with farmers, do you? Just be a bit silly to annoy the backbone of the economy.”

With around seven months until the election Prime Minister Hipkins would be smart to wait a bit and spread out the extra policy burnings over the year. He’s still got the fart tax and Three Waters up his sleeve, so he’ll be hoping that will last him through til October. 

More to come.

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