CONSPIRACY RABBIT HOLE: One Eyed Cantab Believes NZ Rugby Is Poisoning Crusaders Players

one eyed cantab connecting nz rugby to crusaders in conspiracy wall



Craig Chamberlain, the notoriously one-eyed Cantabrian from the Christchurch suburb of Shirley, has basically lost the plot. 

The 59 year old, disbelieving of the Crusaders’ horror start to the 2024 season, began doing his own research on Facebook to find out what’s going on. Before he knew it, he found himself trawling through Reddit threads and pinning various newspaper clippings to the wall, labelling it all ‘evidence’. 

“I’m telling you, NZ Rugby is up to something. I don’t know what it is for sure, but I have a couple of theories,” he said as he sucked on a cigarette after being up all night. 

“There is simply no way the Crusaders could have had a start to the season like this. Even with the injuries, and the players leaving, and the new coach. There’s something darker happening behind the scenes”.

When asked what he believed was going on, and how NZ Rugby were connected, his answer was characteristically blunt.

“It’s either blackmail or poison, but I’m leaning more towards poison. I believe NZ Rugby have found a way to get low doses of rat poison into the Crusaders’ food, and that’s what’s making them play poorly. 

“The players are being poisoned just enough so that no one suspects it’s happening. But they can’t pull one over on me. Old Craig Chamberlain wasn’t born yesterday,” he said, tapping his forehead. 

Chamberlain believes that NZ Rugby is actively trying to level the playing field to give other teams a chance to win the Super Rugby Championship. He says having the Crusaders dominating every single year is bad for business. 

“You know what they always say – follow the money. NZ Rugby are very motivated to sabotage our team to let others in, like those miserable Hurricanes. 

“It’s disgusting and I won’t let them get away with it.”

Chamberlain then cut the interview short to reply to a comment on his anonymous message board.

More to come. 

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