Delusional One Eyed Cantab Claims To Have Tickets To “Tonight’s Crusaders Semifinal”

One eyed cantabrian with yellow homemade ticket



With the Super Rugby Pacific semifinals underway this weekend, one thing is for certain, the Crusaders are in no way involved. 

But you wouldn’t know that talking to Craig Chamberlain, the notorious “one eyed Cantab” from the Christchurch suburb of Shirley. The 59 year old is now claiming that his beloved Crusaders did in fact reach the semifinals this year, and are playing tonight at Apollo Projects Stadium. 

“Hurricanes will be tough to beat, they’ve played well all season,” smiled Chamberlain in a hysterical state. 

“I’m lucky I managed to get tickets to this one actually, it sold out really quick! I know a few people in Canterbury Rugby though, so no biggie,” he boasted, holding a yellow piece of paper on which he had crudely written the words “CRUSADERS VS HURRICANES”.

Chamberlain has been in the news a lot this year, mainly because of his reactions to an uncharacteristically bad Crusaders season. Previous to today’s strange behaviour, Chamberlain has had his single eye surgically removed so he wouldn’t be able to see the Crusaders lose any more games, which he did before disappearing from society completely.

“Hey look it’s been a bumpy season hasn’t it? Haha, but I knew the Crusaders would make it to the semis one way or another,” laughed the frighteningly unwell rugby fan. 

“Better make sure I allow lots of time to get to the stadium, traffic will be a nightmare! People will be pouring in!” he said, unprepared for the sad truth that the stadium entrance will likely be locked. 

“Super Rugby final, here we come!”

More to come. 

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