ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport
GLITCH IN THE MATRIX
Warriors loyalist Jared Ioane was staring blankly at his living room wall after the Warriors notched up their fifth straight victory this evening.
“I don’t know what this feeling is,” said Ioane, staring blankly as if he’d just seen the code behind reality. “They completed their sets. They defended repeat sets. They kicked early for territory. Is this… the real world?” Ioane exclaimed, as if he was Neo in the Matrix and suspecting the world around him was not real.
The 32-year-old appeared to be glitching slightly, as his beloved team had begun delivering something previously thought incompatible with the Warriors operating system: consistency.
The Warriors 16-12 win over the Dolphins at Suncorp Stadium in Brisbane was a performance so composed, so reliable, that some long-time fans are reportedly developing trust issues — not with the team, but with their own expectations.
“I’ve supported this club through nearly 25 different versions of heartbreak,” Ioane muttered, still pacing. “Now I’m starting to feel… calm? It’s unsettling. I haven’t yelled ‘typical Warriors’ in weeks. It’s like I’m in some sort of simulation.”
“If we make it six in a row, I’m going to have to write an apology letter to every ex Warriors coach I’ve cursed over the years. I might even forgive the Bunker for all their blunders over the years against us.”
More to come.
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