Flat White Drinker Looking To Build On Personality By Changing Coffee Order To Something Weird

Bearded man with takeaway coffee



Long time flat white drinker Fernando Collins has taken his identity into his own hands today, by ordering something quite different from his local coffee cart. 

“I’ll have a macchiato please Hayley. Do you have oat milk back there?” he asked as his usual office crew looked on in disbelief. Mr Collins then looked around contentedly to see how many heads had turned upon hearing his unconventional order spoken out loud. 

“Yeah the oat milk just doesn’t sit there in my stomach the same way cow’s milk does. Tried it over the weekend and have never looked back!” he laughed while Joe Granger, an unshakeably solid flat white drinker, turned and spoke to our reporter.

“I’ve never heard this before. Fernando has never drunk anything from this cart apart from flat whites and the odd hot choccy. A bloody macchiato with oat milk? Ridiculous. What even is that?

“He’s clearly trying to work some kind of an angle here. You don’t just randomly wake up one day and decide that you’re not going to drink flat whites anymore,” reasoned Granger, as his eyes narrowed in on Fernando as if he had just committed high treason. 

“I think this is a thinly veiled plot to try and make himself appear more interesting. I bet he’s trying to impress Rosie, the new comms advisor. She loves a weird coffee I think”.

Mr Collins meanwhile took his takeaway coffee and waited while the others in the group waited for their coffees. “Just thought I’d try something a bit different ay, good to switch things up a bit,” he said before taking a second coffee from the barista.

“Oh this one’s for Rosie, I’m taking it back for her. It’s a soy latte. Cow’s milk doesn’t sit very well with her either. Guess we’ve got that in common,” he lied shamelessly. 

More to come.

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