FRONTING THE MEDIA: Golriz Frantically Puts Together Outfit That Wasn’t Totally Stolen

Golriz Ghahraman in messy bedroom in Auckland

GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics

NOTHING TO WEAR

Accused shoplifter Golriz Ghahraman, a 42 year old NZ Greens MP of some note, is back in the country and just about ready to front the media.

However a spanner seems to have been thrown in the works, as she is now realising that 90% of the clothes in her wardrobe are actually stolen goods.

Not wanting to cause more trouble for herself, the dogmatic social justice lover is now trying to find something to wear for her media appearance that wasn’t looted from a high end shop in Ponsonby.

“At this point I think the worst thing I could do is accidentally wear something from Scotties Boutique, the shop that has accused me of brazen theft,” said the climate-obsessed klepto.

“Was that skirt from Scotties? I don’t think it was. But I might have stolen it from somewhere else. Hmm..

“It’s tricky when you get into the habit of compulsively taking things that don’t belong to you haha”.

Ghahraman pulled out a black dress and blazer combo that could potentially be a go-er. “I could wear this, but I’ve worn it so many times already, someone would say something.

“And it’s not like I can go into a shop and buy something new. Would a shop owner even let me in?

“I honestly don’t know how members of parliament are meant to pay for rent and things, on top of also buying all the things you need to look good for the people of Aotearoa. Some people might think I’ve got a decent salary, but $160,000 disappears pretty quickly,” she said, throwing a blouse across the room which definitely came from Scotties.

“Have you actually seen how much things cost at Scotties Boutique? They’re the real criminals.”

More to come. 

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