ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture
RETAIL REALITY
Christchurch man Matt Harrison, 31, has today expressed deep frustration at the sheer volume of “bloody last-minute Christmas idiots” clogging up Riccarton Mall, while physically standing among them.
Harrison, who reportedly vowed that he would “absolutely not, no matter what, ever again leave Christmas shopping until the 24th,” found himself wandering the mall at 11:15am on Christmas Eve, clutching a half-written list and wearing the expression of a man under pressure.
Harrison entered the mall already muttering under his breath about “how people have no self-respect doing this last-minute”, before promptly joining a 25-minute queue at Farmers to buy whatever was left that looked gift-shaped and to get something for his Mum.
Despite being a contributing member of the very crowd he despised, he was reportedly stunned to discover that:
- The shops were full.
- The shelves were partially empty.
- And yes, other human beings also left things late.
“He just kept saying ‘I can’t believe how busy it is,’” said one fellow shopper, who overheard Harrison’s commentary while also trying to buy a panic-gift. “As if it’s some shocking, unprecedented event. Mate, it’s Christmas Eve for goodness sake. What the hell were you expecting?.”
Harrison became particularly agitated upon learning that the specific item he wanted “literally the only thing my sister asked for” had sold out two days earlier. A retail assistant informed him that the last unit had been purchased by a man who, ironically, had shown “excellent planning” and bought it on December 17th.
Harrison responded by staring blankly at a rack of novelty socks for a full 40 seconds before purchasing them in defeat and then proceeded to panic buy things from other retail stores.
More to come.
