Local Bloke Attempts To Brush Over The Fact That He’s From Palmy

man looking nervous at party



Jay Walker, 22, foolishly presumed drinks at an inner city Wellington flat would go unpunished this weekend.

“So where are you from anyway?” asked Michael Williams, a clinical psychology student at Wellington’s Victoria University.

“Not too far from here. Just up the road actually haha,” Walker lied as he took another sip of his Woodstock Bourbon & Cola.

“Oh, so like from Upper Hutt ways?” pushed Williams, knowing full well that Walker was completely ashamed of whatever small town he was brought up in.

“Oh nah just a bit further actually, …um, near Palmy North ways,” Walker reluctantly admitted, knowing full well he was born and bred in the city of Palmerston North. He was then struck by a moment of panic, remembering the photos he’s tagged in on Facebook wearing full 2010 Manawatu turbos jersey with a green bucket on his head. 

It was a dent in confidence for the former Palmerston North Boys High School student, who had hopes of coming to Wellington and starting a new life as a sophisticated alty design student. 

As those hopes of a new start slipped away, they were then lost completely as his old school friend Jacko turned up in his Palmy Boys leavers jersey, caught Walker’s eye and then bellowed “TURRRRRBOOOOS”, before punching his forearms into a T shape to signify allegiance to the Manawatu Rugby Union.

With no hope of a new life left, Walker returned the favour by bellowing “SHOOOOEYYY”, before he and Jacko each removed one of their Number 1 Shoe Warehouse dress shoes, emptied the contents of their cans into them, and then bloody well got it down ‘em. 

The Whakataki Times understands that Walker was last seen opening up his TAB app and working on some impossible multi.

More to come. 

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