Losing A Company Laptop Definitely Not As Bad As Losing 3.2 Tonnes Of Cocaine

woman looking sheepish next to laptop and cocaine with floating shipment of cocaine in background next to navy ship



One South American drug lord out there won’t be a happy chappy today.

Whoever the unlucky crime boss is, they have just lost 3.2 tonnes of their cocaine, half a billion dollars worth, after it was intercepted by the Royal New Zealand Navy.

The Whakaktai Times caught up with Sophie Lawson, a marketing coordinator from Wellington, who had just come across the news about the record bust.

“Ha geez, talk about a major financial blow to a profit-driven business. I guess I don’t feel too bad about losing my work laptop now! Management went on and on about it like I’d financially ruined their company. 

“I mean come on! Look at this loss!” explained Lawson, who is quite often irresponsible with company equipment and somehow misplaced her brand new work computer just a few months into the job.

The Defence Force and Customs recovered 81 bales of cocaine in nets, and believe it was destined for Australia. Police Commissioner Andrew Coster says it could have serviced the New Zealand market for 30 years.

Lawson, who was still trying to make amends with her manager after misplacing a $2,000 laptop, was still attempting to justify her loss in comparison to the record drug seizure.

“Laptops are getting lighter these days and sometimes you forget you have them in your bag – or on you at all. But look how heavy that load of coke is! How do you end up letting that out of your sight! ” asked Lawson, who actually just left the computer in a taxi after a night out following Friday work drinks.

Lawson left the interview feeling more confident, armed with a new found sense of perspective. ”Maybe I should ask for a work phone? It’s not like it’ll cost half a billion dollars if I lose it!”

More to come

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