GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics
ISSUES THAT MATTER
Prime Minister Christopher Luxon is quietly confident that he’s finally tapped into what matters most for New Zealand voters – Ukraine.
Luxon has just finished his third and final tattoo session, which put the final touches on his forearm tattoo of Ukrainian president Volodimir Zelenskyy’s face.
“Look it took a long time to get this done, but I think this is exactly what New Zealanders have been screaming out for. This is a government that measures itself on its delivery, which is exactly why I’ve now got a tattoo of the Ukrainian president on my arm,” he said.
Fresh off the back of his recent car crash interview with Mike Hosking, Luxon along with his crack team of millennial social media advisors believe they’ve absolutely nailed it this time.
“Well look I know that polls show that concern for Ukraine is way down the list of people’s priorities in New Zealand, but all my switched on social media people said this was a great idea!
“My team consistently gives me good advice on posting relatable content on social media. It’s 2025 and this is what people need from a Prime Minister,” he recited from one of his many pre-scripted key message banks.
As he applied cream to his new ink to avoid scarring, Luxon reflected on his decision to permanently imprint another man’s face onto his skin.
“It’s all about connecting with average New Zealanders. Yes, getting the face of a foreign president tattooed on my forearm seems pretty out there. But maybe doing something a little extreme is how we get more people on board, and unite the nation to get this economy back on track.”
Luxon cut the interview short before he could explain how endless support for Ukraine helps our economy.
More to come.
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